Nightmare (16 page)

“Did she tell you?” A weight presses on my chest, making air a precious thing. I try to take a deep breath, but it's not easy. Peter is concerned, sending soothing vibes my way. They're not working.

“Yeah, she did.” Her arm holds tight, as if she'll never let go. Eyes, absent of tears, search mine again. 

“We should probably go in,” I say. Dad's at a charity golf tournament, so Peter's allowed inside. 

The smell of blackberry jam cake fills my nose, tamping down the smell of blood. I trail my hand in the air behind me, and Peter briefly touches my fingers. Letting me know he's there and that I should stop freaking out. I really don't understand why I'm so stressed about Aj being here.

“Hey baby, look who came to see us!” Aj laughs and Mom plants a kiss on her cheek. They look like they could be sisters. With her dark brown hair and similar height, Jenny and Mom are two peas in a pod. Except for the eyes. Jenny's are a lovely brown. They remind me of chocolate with gold swirled through it.

“I know. How long are you here for?”

She rolls her eyes. “Just today. I have to get back to work, but I'm going to come more often. I miss you. I miss knowing what's going on in your life.” This is a direct jab at Peter, who lurks in the doorway. He's out of place in this situation, but I don't want him going anywhere.

“Who wants cake?” Mom says.

Peter

“Don't you want some cake?” Ava's Aunt asks.

“No thank you, I am lactose intolerant.” It is the line Ava and I agreed on when my eating habits came up. Ava's energy is frenetic and panicked, but also she is happy to see her aunt. It is hard for me to follow as she flits from one emotion to the next. Her panic continues to rise, escalating with each second.

“Oh really? That must be horrible.” She takes a bite of cake and I am reminded of Ava and her earth-shattering cheesecake. Ava toys with her fork, trying to calm down. I brush my fingers on her back, giving her reassurance. She will be fine. We are fine. 

“I am used to it,” I say. I am used to not eating. 

She takes another bite with relish.

“So, how did you two meet?” Ava looks at me, and I take the lead from her. 

“I went to a party with my brother that Ava was also at. Our eyes met across the room and I knew I had to speak to her.” I meet her eyes and try a smile. She chokes a bit on her cake, so I must have done it right. The flash of desire also indicates I have done well. 

“And then I spilled a drink on you,” she says, blushing.

“How romantic.” Jenny's tone is such that I can tell she doesn't find it romantic at all. She does not like me. And it is not simply her natural reaction to a noctalis. Even if I were human, she would not like me. 

“It was,” Ava says, swirling her fork over the surface of the cake. My presence is intrusive and disruptive to their family gathering. But I worry about leaving Ava. Her soul yanks at me, making it impossible to even move away from her.

“Peter's an honor student at Galdon Academy. He had the day off so he came over to see Ava. Isn't that nice?” Ava's mother makes another valiant effort. I have nothing but admiration for that woman. It is such a shame that human lives are so short. So fleeting. Claire's is a soul that should live on. I was sure that it would.

“Sure.” Ava's Aunt is more involved in her cake than the conversation. Her blood smells similar to Ava's. But I do not desire it. 

“I'll be right back,” Ava says, getting up from her chair. I wait to see if she wants me to follow. She pulls me with her, and I am forced to move, trailing after her like a lost sheep. Her power over me grows with every second.

I follow her upstairs, my hand on her back. Her breathing is uneven, jagged. 

Once she thinks we are out of earshot, Jenny speaks to Claire in a hushed tone.

“You're letting her go up to her room with him?”

Claire smiles. “I don't think there's much they can do in a few seconds. I trust her.”

“That's your first mistake.” Jenny snorts and licks her fork.

Ava brings me into her room, closing the door behind us.

“I'm sorry I needed a second.”

“I can tell. You are upset.”

“No shit. I just can't deal with this right now on top of everything else.” She walks from one side of the room to the other, hands tearing through her hair and heart racing.

“Calm down.”

“That's easy for you to say, you're always calm.” Her fingers twist together and it is all I can do not to seize her and make her look at me so I can calm her with my eyes. I try not to do that to her anymore. It is no better than tricking her. 

“I am not. Your distress makes me distressed. And then it rebounds back to you, like light and mirrors. If you do not relax it will get worse and I am not sure if one of us will burst with it.”

She gives a little laugh.

“Yeah, that would be great. Okay, calm, calm.” Her eyes close and she shakes out her arms, taking deep breaths and rolling her shoulders. It does not look like a relaxing activity, but I stand by the door and wait. Her emotions continue to swirl, but at a slower pace. I do my best, trying to slow them further. Like ripples in a pond that spread out, it takes time.

“Okay, okay.” She rolls her head on her neck. “I'm good. I think. I don't know why I freaked out.”

“It was a surprise.”

“I know, I know. I just thought things were going to calm down and now I'm freaking out again.”

“You never have to be sorry for what you feel. Ever.” I do not touch her, as much as I want to. My touch has done nothing but make her emotional today. 

“They're talking about us, aren't they?” She turns her head to the side, as if she is trying to hear.

“Yes.” I have been listening while she calmed herself. The majority of the talk was about males of my age and what they expected of girls and how those expectations could be met in only a few moments alone. I also learned that Jenny had been promiscuous when she was younger, and was concerned about Ava. Claire defended me.

“I can't quite hear them.”

“I can.”

She snorts, crossing her arms. “I figured.” She lets out a huge breath, expelling all the air in her lungs. “I probably don't want to know, anyway. She probably thinks I brought you up here for something scandalous and not virtuous.”

“She does.”

“Oh well.” Her manner is casual, but it does bother her. On top of everything else, it is beginning to become too much again. My hands have started to shake again, but I am strong enough to hide it.

“We should go back down. She probably thinks I'm having my way with you.” Her voice is thick with desire, but she doesn't touch me. Afraid of what happened earlier. Of losing control and losing me. I need to give her some time with her family.

I follow her back downstairs. Jenny and Claire have their heads together as they giggle over a shared joke.

“Everything okay?”

“Fine,” Ava says, smiling. Only I know how not fine she is. I decide to make my exit.

“I should get home. My mother is expecting me. I have homework.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Ava says, hiding a small smile. “I'll call you later.” She sends a rush of heat and love toward me. I send my adoration back. 

“It was nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Peter.” Jenny does not move to shake my hand. I nod to Claire and leave through the front door.

“Wait a second. How is he getting home?” Jenny's voice reaches to me after I've closed the door.

“He's going to run,” Ava says, smiling again.

Chapter Fourteen

Ava

“How far away does he live?” Aj says.

“About fifteen miles.”

“He's going to run fifteen miles?” Her eyebrows slide up her forehead. 

“No, his mom will pick him up.” It hurts to lie to her like this. But I have no choice. I can't do the Noctalis Talk with one more person this week. It's just not going to happen. 

“Hm,” she says, stacking the empty dishes from the cake. I'd managed to demolish mine after Peter left. Even with the smell of Aj's blood making my head swirl.

“How is your lovelife?” I say, going to the sink to help her. Aj slams her fist into my leg. Violence is our most often used form of affection.

“None of your business. You're the one who's keeping secrets about their lovelife.”

I roll my eyes and shove her with my shoulder. “Come on, I need something normal to talk about. Please give me something normal.” I put my hands together and throw in a good pout. Did pouts ever work on anyone in real life? 

Aj lets out a big heavy sigh. Oh, this should be good. At least we're not talking about me anymore.

“Oh, do tell,” Mom says, leaning on the counter and putting her chin in her hands. We're both waiting on the edges of our seats. 

Her face blooms red as she says, “well, there is this grad student.”

“Hold up, a student. You robbing the cradle Aj?” I jostle her again. Or try to.

She exhales loudly. “See? This is why I didn't tell you. He's 33. He worked for his father's business for years until it went under. He always wanted to go to college, but he felt like he had to support his parents. He's a wonderful man. You'd really like him.” She bites her lip to hide a smile. Oh yeah, she's got it bad. 

“Good looking?”

This time she's the one doing the jostling and I'm almost thrown to the floor by her strength. I really need to start kickboxing. 

“Would I settle for anything less? Tall, gorgeous brown eyes. Still has all his hair.” She sighs again. This time it's one of those girly sighs. “He has fabulous hair.” Hair is an important quality in a man.

“Anything under that hair?”

“He's wicked smart,” she says, using a Maine accent to turn the phrase into 'wikid smaht.'

“Right wicked smart,” I say back, turning on my own latent accent. The normalcy of washing the dishes and talking about the values of men with good hair was just what I needed. Sometimes I got a little too focused on Peter and our crazy situation. I might be a noctalis someday, but for now I was human. And I needed to remind myself.

Jenny decides to stay for dinner, which Dad is late to, and helps us make burritos. 

“You still a tree hugger?”

“Uh, if by that you mean vegetarian, yes.” I'm busy chopping tomatoes while she pretends to watch the sweet potato and black bean mixture. Aj may be good at many things, but cooking is not one of them.

“What about eggs? They're baby chickens.” I've been over this with Tex and Jamie a million times. 

“Not unfertilized ones.”

“Still.” I was getting tired and I was getting snappy. Plus the blood smell had been driving me nuts all day. With Dad home, I was teetering on an edge and about to fall off. The being human had lasted for a few hours. Because I wasn't one of those anymore either. I was stuck between two worlds, with one foot precariously set in each. I send out a silent plea to Peter and seconds later there was a knock on the door.

“Perfect timing,” I say when I open it. I smile at him, and then he says the worst words in the English language other than, “we need to talk.”

“We have a problem,” he says. 

“Define problem,” I say. 

“Ivan is here.”

“Define here.” A shadow steps from behind Peter.

“Hello again, darling.” 

Oh. 

Shit.

Peter

My natural inclination toward violence is multiplied tenfold when Ivan stands next to me. I'd briefly gone to meet Viktor to apprise him of our plan to visit Cal again. 

We had taken a short run around the woods behind Ava's house only to find him waiting for us near the end of the driveway.

“Enjoy your run?” His face curled into a smile. It was a mystery how he managed it so easily.

“What are you doing here?”

He blinked. “I thought I would visit my brothers. What's wrong with that? We are family.”

“What do you want?” He laughed, throwing his head back. It infuriated me that he could laugh so easily and I could not. 

“You know what I want.” I say nothing. “You took something from me. Something I can never get back. And I want you to pay for it.” I have heard the words so many times before they had ceased to have meaning.

“Destroying me won't bring her back.” 

“I. Know. That.” He was on an edge and I kept bringing him closer. Ava's baiting had worn off on me. I was becoming more human. It seems to be in their nature to pick fights. Or perhaps I was finally expressing one of the most human of all emotions. Anger.

“If you think that I will stand by and let you have something you denied me, you are mistaken.”

“Ivan.” Viktor says, sensing the escalating tension. 

“You stay out of this. It is not your concern.” Viktor backed off. He knew we could not do any damage to one another. We were at an impasse. Ivan took one step toward me.

“What does it feel like, Peter? To have the one thing you always wanted and worry every second that it will be taken away? Do you worry that she will trip and fall? Puncture her skull with a pencil while she is studying? Crash that ridiculous car? Their bodies are so soft. Vulnerable. Broken so easily. Do you worry about that, Peter?” His voice was soft. 

I didn't say a word. Didn't tell him that I worry about those very things every single second of every single day. Every moment she is alive, I am terrified something will happen to change that. Things go wrong, blood vessels burst. And then she would be gone. And I would have nothing. My reason for existing, gone, gone, gone.

“Someday you will pray for the simple worries you have no. I promise you that.” We couldn't making binding promises to each other, but still. Promises are serious things.

“You should go now,” Viktor said. Ivan turned and I watched as he took his noctalis form. I stayed in my human shape. His skin slid from human to the glittering scales of a reptile. His hair sunk into his scalp. Turning back around, he fixed me with his eyes. The pupils were no longer round, but elongated.

Within seconds he was back to his human form, smile in place. As if nothing had happened.

“What are you fellows up to tonight? Bingo? Perhaps a lovely evening in the backseat of a car at a drive in movie?”