Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (58 page)

While I was still lookin, Charlie grabbed the biscuits, an Teddy an himself was fightin te get at them. The paper tore, an the biscuits flew everywhere. Charlie was down on his knees, grabbin all he could an stuffin them in his mouth. I fell te the floor, tryin te pick them up, an Charlie had a handful, an Teddy was screamin, cos he got nothin. ‘Ye hungry bastard!' I screamed at Charlie, lungin fer his mouth te stop him eatin the lot. An he clamped his teeth down on me hand tha was caught in his mouth. The babby woke up red-faced an was cryin.

‘Ah, there's no peace fer the wicked!' me ma laughed, rushin in.

‘Ah, no! Don't be takin his bit a comfort!' Mrs Dunne said te me. ‘Let him be an enjoy his few biscuits.'

‘But we got none, an he bit the hand offa me!' I cried.

‘Serves ye right fer shovin yer hand inta his mouth. I saw ye!' Mrs Dunne said, laughin. Charlie gave a bit a biscuit te Teddy, te keep him from screamin, an ran inta the scullery te hide an guzzle wha was left. I could hear him laughin an talkin te himself. I was ragin, but I couldn't run at him, cos I'd only make an eejit of meself wit Mrs Dunne watchin. Ye're not supposed te be givin yer senses te somebody who's a lot younger than ye.

Me ma put the water on te boil fer the tea, an then she fried bread fer us. It was heaven. The brown jelly from the drippin was still on the fried bread, an it tasted like the roast beef we had today. This is the best day we've ever had. It was like a feast. An I put Teddy te bed, an me ma sat on the chair by the fire, feedin a bottle a tea te Harry, an he dozed in comfort on her lap. Charlie climbed inta the inside of the bed, beside the wall, an I put Teddy in beside him.

‘Ask Mrs does she want te come over fer a sup a tea!' me ma said te me, an she lifted Harry over te the bed. He had dozed off now, an the bottle was stickin outa his mouth. An me ma took it out an put it on the table, puttin him gently down at the top of the bed an coverin him up.

I knocked on Mrs Dunne's door, an she said, ‘Right, childre, I'm on me way. I'll just see te the fire, an I'll be over.'

Me ma was puttin two cakes out on the big plate fer Mrs Dunne's tea, an I climbed inta bed, pullin out me comics from under the mattress. I was readin an listenin te the murmur of voices, of me ma an Mrs Dunne talkin quietly te each other, sittin on their chairs in front of the fire. An I put me comics away under me pilla an closed me eyes tha were very heavy now, an snuggled under the blankets an coats, feelin warm an snug, an enjoyin the peace an comfort.

I looked at the thrupenny bit in me hand, feelin the weight of it. I saved it up, doin all the messages fer the neighbours. I wanted te buy pipe cleaners te put in me hair te curl it. I couldn't wear me lovely new frock until I had me hair done in big massive curls like Shirley Temple. We got a load a lovely good clothes when we knocked on a door on Phillipsburg Avenue on the way back from collectin the bread at the convents. The woman was a lovely person altogether. She looked at us fer a minute, thinkin, an said, ‘Do you know? I've just done a clear out, and I might have clothes that will fit you. Wait there!' an she went in, leavin the door open a little, an me ma an me looked at each other an laughed wit excitement.

She came out wit a big bundle of clothes. Trousers an jumpers, coats an hats, shoes, vests an knickers. ‘They'd fit me brothers grand!' I was sayin, lookin at them. The woman was smilin an helpin me ma te put them in the pram. An me ma was very happy an sayin, ‘God bless ye, Lady. Ye're a very kind person.'

The woman looked at me an said, ‘I have a daughter about your age, and I have some clothes that will fit you. She's grown out of them now.' An she came back wit a load of clothes fer me. I got navy-blue knickers, socks an brown leather sandals, an I dropped down te the ground an whipped them on me, an they were a grand fit. The frock was dark-blue heavy cotton, wit an underskirt attached te make it stand out, an I'd be able te twirl in it. It had a lovely lace collar, an I stroked it, not believin me eyes. It was so lovely! She gave me a wool gaberdine coat wit a belt, an a black beret hat. The wool was so soft, I couldn't wait te wear them. I'm goin te be mistaken fer a spy when I wear the hat an coat. Cos tha's what all the spies wear in the fillums.

Then she came out wit a load of
Bunty
an
Judy
comics fer me. Me heart was flyin wit excitement. Me ma got a lovely green coat wit a big collar, an a load of summer frocks an winter wool pleated skirts an jumpers. Teddy had te squeeze up beside Harry, but they were happy, cos Harry was busy swingin the white rattler she gave him. An Teddy was holdin onta a big bunny rabbit, wit big ears. He kept rubbin it against his cheek. An Charlie was carryin a bucket an spade an a big red ball. ‘Ma! Will ya bring us out te the seaside? I want te build a big sandcastle wit me bucket an spade. Will ya, Ma? Will ya?' Charlie kept askin me ma.

‘Yeah, we will,' me ma said. ‘We'll do tha when the summer comes. We'll go out te Sandymount, an we'll bring sambidges an bottles a tea. Yeah!' me ma said, thinkin te herself. ‘We must do tha!'

We were happy an contented an didn't say much, cos we were savin our breath te get home in the dark, an concentrated our strength te push the heavy pram wit the mountain of lovely stuff.

I couldn't wait te hit home an fall inta me bed. It'd been a long day traipsin aroun from house te house. An it was pitch dark, an we were exhausted. I looked at the babbies, their heads wrapped aroun each other, out cold. An I wished I could climb in there an get a lift home. But I was very contented, thinkin of all me lovely stuff, an how easy our life was now wit no one te bother us.

I walked up Talbot Street, an went inta a shop. ‘Have ye any pipe cleaners?' I asked the aul fella behind the counter.

‘Yeah! How many do ye want?'

‘One packet! How much are they, Mister?'

‘Tuppence!'

‘How much?' I roared.

‘Are ye deaf?' he said. ‘Tuppence, I said.'

‘Tha's very dear, Mister. Have ye any cheaper?'

‘No!'

‘Gawd! Tha's robbery!' I said, an he threw them back inta the box an walked off ignorin me. ‘All right, then! I'll take them.'

He threw the pipe cleaners onta the high counter, an I jumped up an took them, an put down the thrupenny bit. He threw the money inta the cardboard box he keeps fer his money an walked away. I waited. ‘Here, Mister! I want me penny change. I can count, ye know! I gave ye a thrupenny bit,' I roared.

‘Did ye?' he said, an walked back te his box, dippin his hand in an throwin the penny at me onta the counter. I jumped up an stretched across, an grabbed me penny.

‘I'm not comin back here again!' I roared at him on me way out the door. ‘Ye're a daylight robber. An I hope ye have no luck fer tha!'

‘Go on! Get out before I take me hand te ye,' he growled at me.

I flew home, wantin te wash me hair an get the pipe cleaners in, then I could wear me new frock an sandals, an me lovely white socks an knickers. I wouldn't know meself. I'm dyin te look like Shirley Temple. The only thing is, she has lovely fat brown legs, an mine look like matchsticks. But I'll be lovely anyway.

When I got in the door, me ma had her good green coat on. ‘Come on,' she said. ‘I was waitin te go out!'

‘Where are ye goin, Ma?'

‘Never you mind! Watch them childre an mind the house. I'll be back,' an she was gone, flyin out the door. I boiled the water an poured it inta the basin an put it on the chair, then I poured in cold water an got the bit of red Sunlight soap we had left, an dipped me head inta the basin. I rubbed in the soap an scrubbed me head, gettin it all soapy. I kept dippin me head inta the basin, but I couldn't get the soap off. So I put me head under the tap an froze the head offa meself, but I held it there, cos it'd be worth it te get me hair lookin lovely. Then I grabbed the cloth we use fer dryin ourselves an everythin else. An I looked at it, drippin water everywhere an drownin meself. It was thick wit grease an dirt! Jaysus, I can't use tha! What'll I do? I grabbed an old woolly jumper belongin te the babby, an it wasn't much better. So I took off me frock, standin in me skin, an dried me head wit tha. Then I put it on the back of the other chair te dry it at the fire, an put the basin on the floor an sat on the chair an put me feet in the basin. I couldn't get the dirt off, it was caked inta me feet, an I had cuts an dried sores from walkin on the stones. I rubbed an rubbed, but they didn't look much better, an now they were bleedin from the rubbin an openin the sores. ‘Ah, fuck it!' I shouted te meself, an washed me legs. They didn't look the way I thought they would, an I grabbed the cloth an dried me feet an legs, smellin now from the dirty cloth. I picked up me frock, an it was still wet. Ah, well! It'll do. Then I emptied the water down the sink an used the babby's jumper te mop up the wet on the floorboards.

Then I had a go at puttin in me pipe cleaners. I'd seen the way me ma used te put them in her hair when I was small. I straightened them out an wrapped bits a hair aroun them, an then wrapped the two ends together close te me scalp. When I was finished, I looked in the mirror. Grand! Me face is clean, an now I'm goin te look lovely when I take them out. I couldn't wait!

Me ma came back, an she was lookin very happy.

‘Where were ye, Ma?'

‘I went te see him in Mountjoy. They're lettin him out on Monday!'

‘But why, Ma? Wha's happenin? He's not in long enough!'

‘They're lettin him out early fer good behaviour, so he doesn't have te do the full six months,' me ma said.

‘Is he comin back here?' I asked in a whisper, feelin a terrible weakness come over me.

‘Don't ye know he is!' me ma said, very annoyed wit me.

‘Ma, please, we're grand without him, don't let him back.'

‘An where will we go?' me ma shouted. ‘This place is in his name. The Corporation won't give me a place of me own unless he gives up this place, an he's not goin te do tha! Now don't be moidierin me.' An she turned her back on me an hung up her coat on the back of the door.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, the life gone outa me. I looked at me ma, an I could sense the excitement in her at havin Jackser back. She really wants him back! It's nothin te do wit her not bein able te get her own place! I couldn't believe it. She likes tha Jackser, an the hell wit everyone else! Me ma is only out fer herself. I'm only useful te her fer gettin her things an doin everythin I can fer her. There was somethin about the way she was all excited about havin Jackser back tha made me feel sick an disgusted in me stomach wit her. An I didn't care if I never saw her again. I felt me heart go cold, an it was as if I was made of stone. I didn't feel anythin, or care, or think, or look forward te anythin. I felt nothin. Just stone cold. I've another five years te wait until I'm fourteen. Then I can get a job an go te England. But I don't think I'm goin te wait tha long.

Me ma was down on her hands an knees sloshin dirty water aroun the floorboards. She dipped the greasy, smelly, dirty rag inta the bucket of dirty water. There was bits of fluff from the rag an a bit of the bottle top from the milk bottle, an lumps of brown stuff, probably shit, tha had been caked inta the floor now all floatin on top of the dirty water. She lifted the drippin rag an slapped it down on the floor again. An leaned over te a dry spot, pushin the bucket outa her way. An started spreadin the soppin rag from left te right, makin big black streaks on the boards, an spreadin the rubbish from the bucket aroun. ‘Aroun the world I'll search for you,' she sang happily. I wondered why the water wasn't lovely an clean an sudsy, an the floor comin up snow white an smellin of soap an disinfectant like when Mrs Dunne an the other mammies scrubbed their floors. Me ma can't do anythin right.

I was gettin more annoyed by the minute watchin her. The floor was even mankier now than before she started. An the smell was givin me a headache. It was like rotten shit. The babby was covered from head te toe in the filthy water, dashin aroun on his hands an knees wearin only a vest an tryin te get at the bucket of water an splash it all over himself an slap the floor like me ma. An he'd blink his eyes an stop in shock when the cold water hit him, an then slap the water in the bucket again. An me ma shouted at him an pushed him away, but he kept circlin aroun her an crawlin over the wet floor, draggin the dirty water over the clean spot.

Me ma says, ‘Tha's clean anyway.' An she jumped up an grabbed Harry. ‘Here! Mind tha child before I lose me rag wit the lot of ye's!' she roared at me, dumpin the babby on the bed beside me. Then she turned suddenly, slipped on the wet floor an sent the bucket flyin. An a gush of water went everywhere. Me ma's right leg shot out straight in front of her, an she landed on her back, slidin along the floor. An there was an awful quiet. We all gaped, tryin te take in the sudden shock an wonderin if me ma was kilt. ‘Me leg! Ah! Me back!' Me ma crawled slowly onta her knees an tried te get up.

‘Are ye all right, Ma?' I asked her, afraid te breathe.

‘Lookit me floor! The curse of Jaysus on the lot of ye's, ye whore's melt! I haven't had a day's luck since I had the lot of ye's,' me ma screamed, lookin at me, eyes bulgin. I stared, an me ma suddenly lunged fer the table, pickin up the knife an throwin it at me. I whipped up me left arm, coverin me face te protect me head, an the knife caught me on the elbow, sendin a white hot pain shootin through me.

‘Ah! Me arm! You've hurt me arm!' I jumped off the bed, holdin me arm, an blood dripped everywhere. The knife hit the bone in me elbow an sliced open me arm, makin a gash.

‘I warned ye,' me ma screamed, ‘not te torment me! Ye were lyin on yer arse, not botherin te give me a hand, an now ye got wha ye deserve. I'll be done fer ye if ye don't stop drippin tha blood everywhere!'