Linda Ford (18 page)

“I’m not mistaken and you know I’m not. Red, I understand your past is painful, but don’t you think you should stop blaming yourself for something you couldn’t help?”

She shivered. “Sin is sin.”

“And God is God. Like Bertie says, He forgives.”

“It’s too simple.”

He rested his hand on her shoulder, filling her lungs with immovable steel.

“It’s too simple, for sure. But still, it’s God’s way. He offers us complete forgiveness. What do you think we can add to what He’s done?” If his voice had been impatient or argumentative she might have objected, might have found an answering argument. But his gentle, caring words erased everything but a long, heavy guilt. There was nothing she could say to explain the weight of it.

When she didn’t answer he squeezed her shoulder tight. “I’ll pray for you.”

The wind shuddered around the cabin.

He pushed slowly to his feet as if reluctant to leave her. Listening to the wind increase in strength, she wished he didn’t have to go out. If they married—

She jumped to her feet and walked him to the door.

Marry simply to keep a person from going into the weather? Now that was the stupidest reason ever. She watched his departure from the window. Almost as stupid as wishing she could be worthy of his love.

* * *

The next morning dawned still and bright. She stepped outside to a much more pleasant day and lifted her arms to the sky.

“We’re staying, aren’t we?” Belle demanded for the seven hundredth time since Ward left last night.

“Belle, I told you I’ll let you know when I make up my mind.”

Her little sister jammed her fists on her child-sized hips and looked impatient. “You’re just being prideful and stubborn.”

Red couldn’t help but laugh at the grown-up words from Belle. “Where’d you hear that?”

“Grady says that’s what Mrs. Gardiner said to Mr. Gardiner when he refused to let her go to town. He said it was too muddy. But she said he was prideful and stubborn.”

Red nodded, her grin still in place. “Maybe a person has to be sometimes.”

“I don’t think so.” She marched away without a backward look.

Chuckling as she worked, Red hauled in several buckets of water and filled the tub to heat for laundry. She should have filled the tub last night but the rain made her choose to stay inside. Today was a nice day. She could hang the clothes outside to dry.

She’d said she’d give her word today. If he hadn’t changed his mind, she would agree. He could take care of them and it would make him feel better. It would give Belle all the things Red wanted her to have—home, security, acceptance, maybe even love. He would never love Red. She didn’t expect him to. It wasn’t necessary. She would require only one thing from him—his promise to never hate her for her past.

As she tidied the cabin and sorted the items for washing, she continually glanced out the window, wondering when Ward would appear to demand his answer. She glanced up at the sound of hoofbeats and saw Ward and Slim ride away from the ranch, Slim going south, Ward north. She pressed closer to the glass to keep them in view.

Just before Ward rode out of sight, he turned and waved his hat in her direction.

She half lifted her hand to wave back, then dropped it at her side. If he still wanted to marry her it would be a businesslike arrangement. No need for her to get all eager and adoring.

She scrubbed the clothes, rinsed them and twisted the water out of each garment. She hung the items to dry, all the while her ear tuned to the sound of a returning horse.

Hours later, the laundry had dried enough and she removed each piece carefully, folding it into the laundry basket in preparation for ironing.

The sound of hoofbeats thudded in her ears and she spun around. But only one rider returned—Slim. Red sucked in air and turned back to her chore. Ward would return later.

In the meantime she had work to do and hoped it would keep her thoughts from rushing ahead to his visit.

She carried the laundry inside, heated the sad irons and began the job of ironing each item. It consumed her minutes but not her thoughts. Perhaps he purposely stayed away because he’d changed his mind about the marriage proposition.

Thankfully Grady came to play with Belle so Red could glance out the window every few minutes without alerting her sister to her anxiety.

But after Grady left, Belle confronted her. “What did you say to Ward?”

“What do you mean?”

Belle’s look was rife with accusation. “You chased him away.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Today you were supposed to say you’d marry him. But he hasn’t come. You said something.”

“No, I didn’t.” Though Belle’s suspicions closely echoed her own. He’d changed his mind but not because of anything Red had said. “He hasn’t come because Eddie sent him to do something. Didn’t you see him ride away this morning?” Was it only today? Less than twelve hours ago?

“So you’re going to tell him you’ll marry him?” Belle chortled, then threw her arms about Red’s waist. “I knew you’d come to your senses.”

Red patted Belle’s back. “I haven’t said anything yet. You’ll have to wait until Ward comes so I can tell him my decision first.”

“You like him. You’ll do the right thing and marry him.” Belle was so convinced that she knew what was best that Red laughed.

“We’ll see.”

Later, they made supper, cleaned up, then sat and stared at the door. Darkness fell. Still no sign of Ward. Had he returned and she missed it? Was he over in the bunkhouse trying to decide how to retract his marriage offer?

“It’s time to get ready for bed,” she told Belle.

“No.”

She might have scolded her sister except for the fact her lips quivered and her eyes shone with tears. “Belle, you can’t stay up all night.”

“But you said he’d be back. I want to hear you tell him you’ll marry him.”

“Belle—” How could she tell her that Ward might not want to hear the words? But she couldn’t destroy Belle’s dreams until she had to. “He said he’d come so he will. But not tonight. It’s too late.”

Belle nodded and sadly prepared for bed. When Red went to tuck her in, Belle threw herself into Red’s arms and sobbed quietly.

“Honey, don’t cry. No matter what happens, we have each other and we’ll be fine. We can still go to the mission in Medicine Hat.”

Belle sobbed harder. “I don’t want to go anywhere,” she hiccupped.

“I know. But we’re strong. We’ll do whatever needs to be done.”

Belle flung herself back on the pillow and glowered at Red. “You’re talking like we’re going to leave. You promised we could stay.”

She only wanted to prepare Belle for bad news but what was the use? If bad news came they would deal with it. Nothing would ever be as bad as what they’d already endured, but Belle didn’t need to think along those lines.

“Honey, I’m sure he’ll come in the morning.”

“I know. He said he’d be back.” Belle seemed satisfied, and Red kissed her good-night and left the room.

If only she could find the same solace.

Chapter Thirteen

N
ext morning Belle rushed from bed to the window. “I don’t see him.”

Red laughed, though it sounded tinny even to herself. “Maybe because it’s not light yet.”

“Almost. I see Slim and Cal going to the cookhouse.” One by one she called out the names of the cowboys as they entered the house across the road. “Where’s Ward?” Belle flung about and gave Red a demanding look.

Red shrugged and kept her attention on breakfast preparations. “I’m sure I don’t know.”

Belle stomped over and sat at the table, her elbows practically digging holes in the wooden top. “I still think you said something to him Sunday. You looked mad when he left.”

Red sighed. Nothing she said would convince Belle otherwise. She served breakfast but Belle spent more of her time glowering at Red than eating.

“Are you done?” Red asked after she’d given Belle more than enough time to finish.

“Not hungry.” She pushed the plate of food away.

“It’s a long time until lunch.”

“Who cares?”

“You might not have enough energy to play with the other children.”

“Don’t feel like playing.”

“Fine.” Red gathered up the dishes and scraped the wasted food to the slop bucket. “Good thing the pigs will enjoy your breakfast.”

Belle’s only reply was a long sigh.

“I’ll wash and you dry.”

“Don’t I always?”

Red almost bit her tongue to keep from scolding Belle for her rudeness. She wouldn’t normally tolerate it but this time she let it go because it reflected her own feelings. If Ward had changed his mind he could at least have the decency to tell her instead of putting her through this torture.

The dishes were almost finished when a knock sounded on the door.

“It’s him. About time.” Belle was at the door before Red could take a step. She paused and gave Red a squinty-eyed look. “Now, you be nice to him, hear?”

Red laughed. “Yes, boss.”

Belle yanked the door open. And her shoulders sank like the air had been sucked out of her insides. “Hi, Mr. Gardiner.”

Red composed her face. She would not reveal the same disappointment Belle did.

Eddie stepped into the room, twisting the brim of his hand. “I thought you might be worried about Ward.”

She nodded, not about to share her silly thoughts with him.

“He should have returned last night.”

The meaning of his words made their way slowly to the center of Red’s brain, and then exploded. She grabbed a chair and sat down before her legs gave out. “I thought—” Her worries seemed so selfish.

Belle’s eyes were far too wide. “He’s gone?”

Eddie glanced from one to the other. “No need to worry.”

A little late to tell them that. “But you’re worried?”

“I’m sure he’s fine, but I’m going out to check on him.”

Belle’s breath released in a moan.

Red pulled Belle to her. She meant to soothe the younger girl but clung to her, finding comfort and strength in her warm little body. She burst with questions she dare not voice. Where was Ward? Was he hurt?

Eddie jammed his hat on his head. “I best be on my way.” But he didn’t immediately turn. Instead, he tipped his head and signaled he wanted to speak to Red.

She stood and eased Belle to the chair. “I’m going to say goodbye to Eddie. You wait here.”

Eddie held the door for her and she stepped outside. He closed it firmly behind him. Her nerves jarred with the sound.

He rubbed at his forehead. “There’s more.” He leaned closer, his expression filled with urgency. “Ward told us about Thorton Winch. Constable Allen rode up to the ranch with news that he’s escaped. He feared the man was headed this way.”

Red collapsed against the wall. Thorton! If he found her... Then a second, more dreadful thought burned through her mind. “Do you think he ran into Ward?”

“I don’t know what to think. But I want you and Belle to stay up at the big house until we can be sure you’re safe. Go pack up whatever you need.”

She heard his words, understood what he wanted, but she couldn’t move.

“Red.” Eddie shook her gently. “You need to hurry.”

She nodded once but couldn’t think what he meant her to do.

“Red, I can’t go after Ward until I know you’re safely in the house with Linette.”

She nodded. Over and over.

He opened the door and gave her a little shove through it.

Her legs like log posts, she stepped inside, looked around and then reality hit her. Thorton had escaped. Ward was missing. And she delayed Eddie in searching for him.

She forced her trembling limbs to pull out the sack Linette had sent items in and tossed in the clean clothes stacked in neat piles.

Belle pushed her chair back with a clatter that shrieked along Red’s nerves and she rushed to Red’s side. “What are you doing?”

“We have to leave here immediately.”

Belle pushed Red away from her task. “We can’t leave. I want to stay forever and ever. If you’re going to run away from Ward, then I’m not going with you.”

“Belle, we’re only going to the big house. Now gather your things together as quickly as you can.” She couldn’t get there soon enough. The idea of being caught by a vengeful Thorton brought bile to her throat.

“I’m not going.” Belle plunked down on the floor.

Ignoring her, Red continued to stuff in items, urgency making her movements jerky. She saw the book she was reading and added it. “I’m ready. Belle, come on.” She tossed a sweater at her sister.

Belle crossed her arms and refused to move.

Eddie knelt before Belle. “You can’t stay here. It isn’t safe.”

“Why not?” Her stubborn tone informed them she thought Eddie only said it in the hopes of making her move.

“It just isn’t. Red isn’t running away. But we need to get you to the house where you’ll be safe.”

“Ward said we’re safe here.”

Red sighed. “Belle, we aren’t right now.”

“You’re just saying that.”

Red considered her options. Belle left her little choice. “Thorton has escaped from jail. We’ll only be safe with Linette and Grady.”

“There’s a man watching the house at all times,” Eddie assured them.

Belle bolted to her feet and grabbed the sweater. Finished, she looked at Red, her eyes wide with fear and disappointment. “You said he would never bother us again.”

Eddie took the sack Red had packed, gave a quick glance around the place, paused to push the wood away from the fire. Then he eased Belle toward the door.

They hurried up the hill. Every step drove shards of fear into Red’s heart. Where was Ward? Was he injured? Or had Thorton captured him? She could well imagine him taking delight in torturing Ward.

Red closed her eyes in a vain attempt to stop the horrible pictures flooding her mind. She stumbled and Eddie caught her by the elbow.

“You need to stay strong,” he murmured.

She nodded. She must not let Belle guess at her fears. By the time they reached the house she ached all over from tension.

Eddie turned them over to Linette, then hurried away.

“Grady,” Linette said. “Why don’t you show Belle the new toys Papa gave you?” Linette had explained how Grady wanted to call Eddie “Papa.”

Belle’s eyes were still much too large and she grabbed Red’s hand. “I’m scared.”

Red managed a smile and took Belle to the windows. “See Slim out there? He’ll make sure no one gets into the house.”

“We’re safe? Thorton can’t lock us up?”

“Thorton will never lock us up again. I promise.”

Satisfied, Belle went to play with Grady.

As soon as she was out of sight, Red groaned.

Linette hugged her. “I’ve been praying ever since we heard what happened. We must trust God to protect us.”

Red tried to convince herself it was enough.

“Come. I’ve prepared tea.” They sat before the windows overlooking the ranch where they could watch all the comings and goings. Eddie and Constable Allen left the barn, climbed the hill and stepped into the house.

Constable Allen took off his Stetson and tucked it under his arm. “Ma’am, Mrs. Gardiner. I just wanted to update you on what’s going on. All the ranchers in the area have been notified about Winch’s escape. They’ll be on the lookout. I’ve organized several of the men into a posse to find Thorton and Ward. It’s only a matter of time until both are located.”

Linette twisted her teaspoon round and round. “Thorton isn’t the only danger Ward faces. What if he’s injured? Lost? Or something equally as dreadful?”

Eddie answered, “Ward is careful, cautious even. I can’t imagine something like that happening to him.”

“We’ll find them both wherever they are, I assure you,” Constable Allen said.

At the way the Mountie kept linking the two names together, the alarm Red had been struggling to keep under control scooped her insides hollow. If she hadn’t been seated, she knew she would have fallen to the ground like an old rag. He was suggesting the only thing that would delay Ward would be Thorton.

“How would Thorton know we’re here?”

The Mountie answered, “He persuaded a guard it was his right to know who was responsible for having him arrested. The guard foolishly gave Ward’s name. Thorton wrote to the land agent asking after Ward Walker, claiming to be a long-lost brother. The agent gave him all the information he had.”

“Including where his land is?”

The Mountie nodded, his eyes full of apology.

She shuddered. Thorton knew far too much. “Does he know Ward works here?”

The Mountie gave a tiny shrug. “It would be easy enough information to get.”

Ward was in mortal danger. “Find Ward.” She squeezed the words from a tight throat.

Constable Allen gave a tense smile. “Trust me. We’ll find him. We’ll find both of them. We’ll keep you informed as best we can but now my job is to locate them.”

Red watched him depart as a thousand fears dragged talons across her heart.

Linette rushed after Eddie. “I expect you home safe and sound.”

Eddie kissed her and left.

Red and Linette watched the pair hurry toward the barn.

Roper and Cassie and the children came into sight. Roper paused to speak to Eddie, then continued toward the house. Linette went to let them in.

“I’m going to join in the search but I don’t want to leave Cassie and the children unguarded.”

“Of course not. They can stay here. Come in. Children, Grady and Belle are in the kitchen.”

The children went to play under the watchful eye of Daisy, and then Cassie and Linette returned to the sitting room.

Cassie squeezed Red’s arm. “They’ll find Ward.”

At least she didn’t link Ward’s name with Thorton’s, for which Red was grateful.

A few minutes later the men rode away to the west.

Red jerked forward. “I should have told them to check his ranch. Maybe he stopped there.”

Linette gripped Red’s elbow. “I’m sure they’ll check. Let’s pray for safety for all of them.” She didn’t give Red a chance to either agree or argue but bowed her head and prayed fervently God would protect them all, help them find Ward and help the Mountie capture the fugitive. “Amen.”

Cassie had taken her hand during the prayer. “Amen,” she said, and released her grip on Red’s hand.

“Amen,” Red added. She could not pray, though she wished she could. What was the use though when she knew God would not hear her?

The minutes passed, heavy and cold. Finally Linette pushed to her feet. “The children will be hungry. I’ll see to lunch.”

Red helped with preparations, sat at the table with the others, ate the food set before her but she couldn’t even say what it was.

Gloom crept into the corners as they watched out the window. As night fell, the men returned to the barn.

Eddie and Roper staggered into the house and sighed as if weary to the soles of their feet.

The women sprang forward. “Did you find him?”

“Not a sign anywhere,” Eddie said. “We went to the cabin. It was empty. There is no trail, no clues indicating either of them. Ward has no reason to hide his trail. But Thorton—” He scrubbed at the back of his neck. “The man is a magician at hiding his tracks.” He looked from Linette to Red to Cassie. “We’ll be out again at first light.”

Red clamped her lips together. She would not let her wail escape. Excusing herself under a mumbled excuse, she hurried from the room and sank down on a chair in the kitchen. Ward was gone. All her fine talk about how she could manage on her own meant nothing as truth after truth bombarded her. He had been nothing but kind. He had the sweetest smile, the nicest eyes. His voice triggered happy feelings inside her. She clamped her hand to her mouth. Her heart squeezed tight. How could she have been so blind?

Because even if he didn’t love her, she loved him with an ache the size of this house. She’d treated him unkindly. Would she get an opportunity to make it up to him?

Her insides felt sucked dry as she contemplated her situation.

She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Would she ever get the chance?

What had become of him?

But she had no answers by the time Linette showed her and Belle to a guest room. Cassie and the four children had returned to their house with Roper.

She prepared for bed and lay beside Belle until her sister’s breathing deepened, then she rose. Unable to even pretend sleep, she circled the room, looking at each object. Some of the paintings she recognized as Linette’s work. A bookshelf hung on one wall. She lifted each book and examined it. One was a hymnal. She paged through it, remembered standing between Mama and Papa as they sang the familiar words. A folded piece of paper fell from the pages. She picked it up and opened it. Someone had written a poem, perhaps meant to be set to music for a hymn. Because she didn’t want to think beyond the walls of this room, she read the words.

Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!

Grace that is greater then all our sin. Dark is the stain we cannot hide. What can avail to wash it away?

It was the anguished cry of her heart. Was there forgiveness for what she’d one?

Brighter than snow you may be today.