Killer's Cousin (15 page)

“Oh, yes,” said Vic. “It's good of you to tell us, David.” He got up, put out a hand to help Julia.

“Wait,” I said, and they paused. “She … she was eavesdropping on me and Raina. She hid in the bedroom until we came in.”

“Yes, I understand that,” said Julia, flushing a bit.

“I mean—” I fumbled, but Julia cut me off.

“I understand, David.” Her tone made it clear that I was not to continue. She averted her face, but in profile I could still see the slight twitch in her jaw. I looked at Vic.

“She's a kid, David,” he said. “Curious … you know. We'll talk to her.” His eyes slid away from mine. “Don't worry about it.”

“We do apologize for her,” said Julia formally. She smoothed her skirt, and got up.

“But …,” I said.
She's been spying on you, too
. The words formed in my mind but I found I couldn't say them. “But …”

“Yes, David?” said Julia. She looked at me full face now, and suddenly it was the old Julia there in her eyes, the Julia who had for years waged a cold war in her own house, the Julia who had not wanted me there.

This time I stared right back. “I think Lily should see a child psychiatrist,” I said. “I know you don't want to hear it, but there have been other incidents, too. You must know it yourselves … she's not a happy child. She needs some kind of help.”

Julia raised her chin. After a pause, she spoke quietly, evenly. “How dare you?”

“Look, Julia,” I said. “I'm telling you frankly what I think because I want to help. We're family, after all, and I—”

“Family!” said Julia. “Family!
You
!”

I glanced at Vic for help, but he had shoved his hands in his pockets and was looking down.

“Come on,” I said to Julia. “Lily is my cousin. I'm truly concerned—” Julia shook her head in patent disbelief, and I stopped. I watched her take a deep breath.

She pointed her chin at me. “I stopped putting up with your mother's interference years ago, and I'm not going to put up with yours, either. Not for a minute. Not in my house.”

I glanced at Vic.

“And don't you go looking at Vic! He knows just as I do what interfering behavior like yours and your mother's can do to us if we let it.” She grabbed my gaze with hers and held it. “We're not going to let it, David. Not this time. Do you understand me? You are not going to interfere with my family. Those are the terms under which I am allowing you to live here. In my house.”

I knew then, seeing how Julia's cheeks flamed, how useless anything I might say to her would be. I knew it quite clearly.

“Vic, listen to me,” I said. “Julia misunderstood me. I know there have been problems between my parents and you in the past, but this has nothing to do with that. I am simply worried about Lily, and—”

Vic wouldn't look at me. “Eileen was worried about
Kathy,” he said softly. “But Julia is right. It would have been better if she hadn't been. It might—who knows?—it might have made all the difference.”

I winced for my mother. “This is not the same,” I persisted.

Vic shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not.” He looked at his wife, not at me. “I have to agree with Julia on this, David. Why don't you just leave Lily alone? That would be best, I think. I'm sure.”

“We will hide the key ring,” said Julia crisply. “I do take your point on that, David.” But the way she glared at me told me that she was sure it was my fault.

I didn't know. I went out for a run on the sanded and salted streets, past all the piles of dirty snow, in the gray day. I ran for two hours or more. I ran until my lungs ached with the cold and I really couldn't anymore.

Maybe I was making it up; maybe Lily didn't need help. At the thought, I heard the humming again—urgent, buzzing.

Then it broke off.

T
he instant I arrived back at the house, Raina's door shot open and she stuck her head out. “Get in here,” she said. It was not an invitation; it was a command. When I hesitated, she added, “Now!”

She stood in front of me with her fists on her hips. “What exactly did you say to your aunt about last night?” she demanded. “Because she was just here, and she as much as called me a slut!”

I stared. “I … nothing much. I told her that Lily came in here. Stole the keys, hid here. Spied on us.” But I had paused a little, and Raina picked right up on it.

“There's something you're not telling me. What is it?”

“She … my aunt may have
thought
we were—”

“What? Rolling around on the floor? Well, that's ironic.”

I flushed. “I'm sorry—”

“She said horrible things to me. I'm a terrible example to her daughter. ‘Bohemian.' Behind Raina's barely controlled voice, I could almost hear Julia's.

I flexed my shoulders. “Look, Julia has her own ideas. You shouldn't take it personally—”

She cut me off. “Oh, please. Listen, ordinarily I wouldn't care what anyone thought, but in this case …” She grabbed a piece of closely printed paper out of her back pocket and thrust it at me. “Do you know what this is?”

I examined it. “Your lease …”

“It's a tenant-at-will lease. You know what that means? It means I can leave anytime, so long as I give one month's notice. You know what else it means? That your aunt can kick me out anytime, with the same one month's notice!” Raina was panting now, and I thought I saw tears at the corners of her eyes. “Do you know how hard it was to find a place that was big enough, and cheap enough, and that got enough light? Do you know how hard it would be to find another place in the middle of winter? Do you know how expensive this town is? I'm not made of money!”

“But they wouldn't—”

“Your aunt made it very clear they would!”

“I can't believe—” I stopped. I did believe.

Raina wasn't finished. “And you! I don't get you. I just don't understand, and I'm tired of trying. It's not worth it. There are guys in this world who aren't messed up.” She paused. Unexpectedly, a smile nudged at the corner of her mouth. “Okay, well. I don't know any. Yet.” She sighed. The smile faded.

I didn't respond.

Raina said, quietly, “David Yaffe, what's with you? Honestly.”

I owed her an explanation. I did. I said, with difficulty, not looking at her, “I love … loved Emily.”

It was the truth, if not the entire truth. I couldn't tell her how frightened I was all the time. Not of Raina. Of myself.

Powerful
, Lily had called it. But I didn't dare to give it a name.

There was a little pause. “Okay,” said Raina. “You'd better leave. I'll … we'll … I'll see you around, okay? I like this place. I don't want to upset your aunt. You understand.”

“Yeah,” I said. I did understand, and I even thought it was best. Still …

I said, “See you around.”

I felt empty, and yet at the same time there was something pushing at my chest. Something big. I had to get it out. I burst in on Julia and Vic and—because of course my wonderful luck was holding—Lily. The happy family was playing a cozy game of War at the kitchen table.

“Raina says you threatened to evict her,” I said to Julia.

All three heads swiveled at once to face me. Vic looked a little embarrassed. He put a hand down over his pile of cards. His fingers tapped uneasily. “David. Don't overreact. It's just, uh, just—”

“This is our house,” said Julia. “Our rules. You will abide by them while you live under our roof.” She
turned away. “One, two, three, go.” They all three slapped down a card. Lily took the trick.

I stayed right where I was. “This morning we agreed—”

“We agreed,” said Julia, “that you were just like your mother.”

“Um,” said Vic. He pushed back his chair from the table. “Julia, Lily. If you'll just excuse me for a moment. David …” He gestured toward the living room. “Maybe if you and I could talk alone?”

“Remember what we discussed, Victor,” said Julia sharply.

“Of course,” said Vic. He put a hand on Lily's shoulder. “I'll be right back, and then we'll get on with the game.”

“Okay,” said Lily. She smiled sweetly up at him. “Mommy and I will just wait for you,” she said. She slanted the merest glance at me. Then, as she bent over her pile of cards, she said, “This is the most fun I've had in ages.”

Like an automaton, I followed Vic into the living room, and then, at his signal, upstairs. He didn't look me in the face. “We talked to Lily,” he said. “I know she shouldn't have been there at all … but she's only eleven and kids get into stuff … and when she told us what you were doing, you and that girl … well.” He had to clear his throat. “Well. Uh. This is our house, like Julia says, and … well, this is our house.”

I said, “But Raina and I were just kissing—”

“Lily told us what you were doing!” Vic was
suddenly beet red with—anger? Embarrassment? Both?

This was awful, but I had to know. “Vic, what
exactly
did Lily—”

“Enough!” Vic roared. The sound of his own voice seemed to surprise him. He repeated, doggedly, “This is our house. We have a right to … to protect our daughter from any … any bad influences.”

Bad influences
. That sounded like Julia. “Why don't you evict
me
, then?” I said bitterly, and knew immediately from Vic's silence that he and Julia had discussed it. Panic filled me. I was surprised by its depth. I couldn't leave. Where would I go? My parents didn't want me. They had sent me away.

“Vic,” I said finally. “I have to tell you. Lily was spying on you and Julia, like she spied on me and Raina.” At last I had said it. “I came in one evening and caught her outside your bedroom. She was listening to you and Julia with a glass. You were, uh … She said you were …” I stopped.

Vic's mouth moved like a fish's.

I continued. “She's been really unhappy since Thanksgiving,” I said. “Since you and Julia got back together. That night when she was listening to you both, after I caught her she said some stuff to me …” As Vic listened, everything poured out of me in a great stream. I told Vic exactly what Lily had said about her parents that night in the hallway. I backtracked and told him about the time I'd come across Lily sitting on the stairs, all alone, while Vic and Julia laughed together inside. I said, “It stands to reason she would be sort of screwed up. After seeing Kathy die like that.
And then, you know, you and Julia not talking, and Lily carrying messages. Lily's in trouble. You can see that. Anybody can see that.”

Vic listened so well that I only just barely caught myself before I told him about the humming shadow. About Kathy. About her telling me,
Help Lily
.

And when I finished, Vic said, carefully, “But Lily seems fine to me. She asked Julia and me to play cards with her today. We were having a good time.”

“She's faking,” I said positively. I felt hugely relieved, now that I'd told. “Deep inside, she's very angry. Confused. She needs to talk to a good therapist.”

“Uh-huh,” said Vic. He took a step back, away from me. “I'll think about this, David. I'll think about what you've said.”

“That's all I ask,” I said. “Thanks. Thanks for listening.”

“Okay,” said Vic. “Um. Okay.”

He gave me one last look before he left.

T
he next two weeks were quiet. Too quiet. My initial relief that Vic had at least listened to me faded. In my mind, I replayed the tape of my rant to him, and I was filled with vague doubts. But I had told Vic the truth. He had listened. He had.

Why was it so quiet?

I focused on school. Not wanting to see the Shaughnessys, not wanting to run into Raina even by accident, I started going over to the Cambridge Public Library after school, to study—or sometimes just to look at magazines and things—in the main reading room. Frank Delgado was often there too. We didn't talk much, but I began to look for him whenever I arrived. I took to giving him a ride home. Two or three times we got slices together at a little Greek pizza place across the street from the library.

Then, on a Thursday night, I got back to a dark house at eight o'clock. Upstairs in Kathy's apartment, I
turned on my computer. Which refused to boot up. It took me a few minutes to figure out that the hard drive had been wiped.

Everything—operating system, programs, data files—was gone.

I took one comprehensive look around the apartment and pounded back downstairs, yelling Lily's name. But no one replied; the second floor was utterly deserted.

Okay
, I thought.
Okay
. I took a deep breath. This was just like before, with Raina; but this time Lily had taken the key to the attic apartment. She had let herself in sometime that day. She had trashed my computer. There was nothing to be done about that. But I could stop her from doing anything else. I could get that spare key from the pantry where all the keys were stored. Then I would talk to Vic again. I would show him the computer.

I went down the hall and into the kitchen pantry. For some reason Vic had not updated the electricity in there; I needed to pull a string hanging from a low-wattage bulb set into the ceiling.

The pantry was filled with shelves from floor to ceiling, each of which was carefully lined with pages of
The Boston Globe
and fully stocked with canned goods. I counted nearly two dozen cans of lentil soup and a dozen of corn, and that was just to start. On a whim, I checked the top of a can with a finger. No dust. One amazing housekeeper, Julia.

On the left, at shoulder height, a series of hooks had been screwed into the wall; key rings hung there, each meticulously labeled. Cellar, front and back outside
doors, Raina's first-floor apartment, the second-floor apartment, Vic's car, file cabinet, even tiny keys for luggage. And yes, there was a spare key for my apartment. I grabbed it, and held it in my fist.