Indulgence (376 page)

Kirk’s eyes narrowed. “Is that why you shot him?”

I nodded, “Not that he didn’t deserve it for a lot of
reasons.” I wondered when the true reality of what I had done was going to kick
in. I watched the bullet go through his head over and over in my mind, but I
couldn’t find an ounce of sadness or regret.

Survival
. I needed Kirk to survive, and I needed Gabe
to be gone. We both needed the rat to be gone.

I tried to take a deep breath, but my chest decided not to
cooperate, sending me into a coughing fit instead. I jerked forward, leaning
against my knees as I tried to catch my breath.

“That wasn’t just a lucky shot,” Kirk said.

“I went to the shooting range with my dad a couple of times
a month from the time I was eleven.” I sat there, curled up for a moment longer
after I caught my breath. “Is anything you told me yesterday true?”

“Most of it, in one way or another. I just rearranged and
exaggerated my own life—easier to remember that way.”

“How long have you been here?” I muttered, the weight of
leaning my jaw against my knee muffling my words.

“Too long,” he said.

I lay back in the warm water again. I wanted more
information, but my brain settled into a numb stupor and left me with nothing
to ask, so neither of us talked. All I could hear was the sound of my own heart
and our breathing.

I startled as Kirk lifted me out of the tub.

“Not done.” I protested.

“The water is getting cold and you’re turning into a prune,”
he said, propping me against the counter so he could dry me off.

He was right about the water temperature, but it didn’t seem
like I had even been in the tub that long. “I think these pain pills are heavy
duty.”

Kirk scoffed as he somehow managed to keep me propped up
while running a towel through my hair, and dried me off. “I think you’re a
light weight.”

“Can I sleep in your bed?” My head bobbed forward.

“Sleeping in the tub wasn’t good enough?”

I laughed, and despite the fact that it hurt, it was the
best feeling in the world. For that brief moment, I felt free.

“Of course you can sleep in my bed, but I’m sleeping right
next to you.”

“I’m game for that.” It wasn’t as if that wasn’t how we had
been sleeping for more than a week, but for some reason, I needed his
affirmation.

Kirk carried me back to the bedroom and tucked me into the
bed before stripping off his wet clothes and crawling in next to me.

“Do you still want me?”

“Yes. Why would you ask that?”

“I… you… no sharing.”

He kissed my temple and tucked me against his chest. “You’re
mine, Sugar. As long as you’re here, you are mine.”

I still wanted more, why he was here, what he was doing, but
my grasp on consciousness was becoming tenuous at best.

*****

I opened my eyes and Gabe stood over the foot of the bed.
Bastard was harder to get rid of now that he was dead than he had been when he
was alive. He just stood there, staring at me with the same look he’d had when
I woke on the table in the basement.

I reached for Kirk, but the bed was empty.

“Make him go away,” I tried to scream, forcing the words
out as hard as I could, but it barely came out as a whisper. “Kirk,” I tried
again, but no sound.

Gabe laughed. “You’re pathetic. And weak. You thought you
could fight us off, but all along you were like a baby squirrel in a cage of
tigers.”

“You’re not a fucking tiger,” I whispered. “You’re a sick
asshat who has to prey on women because he’s too weak for anything else.”

He grabbed me and pain shot through my chest. I couldn’t
breathe. I couldn’t scream.

Something touched my neck, rough but light. It wasn’t
like the other men. It moved around my neck. I thought I was going to be
strangled.

Gabe’s eyes widened. “You’re pathetic.”

The thing around my neck started down my chest. And I saw
it, the head of a snake moving between my breasts, toward Gabe’s arms.

Gabe let up and I drew in a deep breath. Oh god, I
couldn’t make a sound. I didn’t know much about snakes, but I remembered one
lesson—stay away if they have a triangular head. The snake coiled back,
preparing to strike, but Gabe laughed—the same laugh I remembered just before
the bang of the gun.

The snake struck, nailing him right in the neck. Gabe
grabbed the wound and jumped away, stumbling off the bed and into the wall.

The snake slithered down my body, inch after terrifying
inch.

Gabe slumped and fell to a mass on the floor while the
snake settled on my stomach.

I awoke with a gasp but didn’t move.

“Silver,” a voice whispered in my ear. I relaxed and fell
into the calm place the voice offered. I tilted my head toward it. Then I
glanced down and, seeing the snake-tattooed arm wrapped around my waist, I
laughed.

“You okay?”

“Just a dream and a new appreciation for snakes.”

I heard him grunt, but he didn’t question me. He simply
kissed my temple and pulled me tighter into him. “How’s the pain?”

“Tolerable.” My eyes drifted closed again, and I begged for
the dreams to stay away.

*****

Kirk nudged me and I opened my eyes. The way the sunlight
streamed in the window, brightening the room, I assumed it was late morning.
I’d never seen Kirk still in bed this late.

“You okay if I go cook breakfast?”

“Can I come out to the couch?”

“Yeah,” he said, sitting up and wrapping the blanket around
me so he could carry me out to the living room. He laid me out on the couch,
put a pillow behind my head and straightened the covers—making sure I was warm
and didn’t need another pain pill before he left.

I dozed again, until he brought me a plate full of eggs,
toast, and bacon. “You’re a handy guy,” I mumbled.

“I’m sure you’d think so.” He sat the food on the coffee
table and helped me sit up to eat.

“I have to leave after breakfast.”

Mid-bite, I dropped the piece of bacon back on my plate.
“Kirk….”

He grunted. “You nearly got busted using my name yesterday.”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

I didn’t want to be alone. He couldn’t leave me alone.

“The alarm on the door will be set, and I’ll be in the
building.”

“So, you’re leaving me here again?” I shook my head. I didn’t
want to even think about it, so I jumped to another subject before I lost my
ability to eat. “Why are you here?”

I saw his jaw tense, and he turned on the TV. I thought he
was going to just ignore my question. “Don’t you think you know enough? Knowing
more will just put you in more danger.”

“I think I’ve got that covered. I’m stuck here with you
either way.”

“And knowing how I got here is going to make a difference,
how?”

“You were so pissed when I showed up….”

“I knew I couldn’t get you out. I knew I couldn’t keep you
completely safe, but I thought it was your best chance.”

“And now you’re questioning it—and everything else you did.”

He tossed the remote onto the coffee table, and it clattered
across the wooden surface until it dropped to the floor. “Do we have to do this
now?”

Curiosity was getting the better of me. I wanted to know
what kind of shit storm I had really landed in. “Yes. I want to understand.”

Kirk shook his head and then leaned forward, rubbing his
hands over his face just before the flood of words came rolling out. “Since the
moment you arrived, I’ve never been closer to having my cover blown. Every day,
you’ve held it in your hand. I had to play my role and hope to god you could
play yours without knowing what was going on.”

He paused for a moment and I could see him trying to gather
his thoughts while at the same time trying to hold it back. I realized that was
my effect on him—the struggle between being open and trying to save me while
maintaining his cover as a dark felon. I brought out his humanity, and that was
a dangerous trait to rely on here.

I heard him swallow, then he lifted a hand and reached
across the couch to gently stroke my cheek. “After a while, this place bleeds
into you, and to a certain extent you have to let it to keep from standing out.
I’ve been tempted to lose myself with you. To thoroughly claim you and make you
mine just like they all expect.”

“But you changed after I tried to escape.”

“After I had to beat you. I may be a twisted up mess, but
that—watching you cry and beg and then throwing you into lockup. Watching you
go through everything and take it. Both of us walking the fine line between
bending your will and breaking it. I wanted to keep you at a distance, but
suddenly I wanted in. I wanted to let you in—despite how much I knew it would
hurt you in the long run.”

“Fuck the long run.”

“I’m pretty sure we did,” he smirked, but the amusement
didn’t touch the rest of his face. “Milo has his hands in a lot of dirty
business, and no one has even come close to taking him down. If they take down
one operation, he just starts a new one up. The network is massive, but no one
will roll on him. Hell, no one even knows his
real
name; he’s been
nearly impossible to trace.”

“You’re here to bring the whole thing down?”

“Yeah. I uh… I got inside accidentally while working
undercover in a gambling sting, but when Miles asked me to come work with him,
I was the first to ever get inside the organization with any cred, so the FBI
conspired with my superiors to keep me inside. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like
I’ll ever get out.” Dark wrinkles and shadows clouded his face, and he looked
like a completely different person. “It’s not exactly a by-the-book operation.
Everything is off the table. It’s all about bringing Milo in, and I’m just a
damn mole they sent in to wait and watch until I can sound the alarm.”

“What makes you think anything will stop with him gone?
There will be a second; someone will fill in where he leaves.”

“But we’re hoping there will be enough chaos to give us an
in. He’s guilty of far more than sex trafficking.”

We shared a smile and went back to eating, but as soon as
Kirk sat down his empty plate, I started to lose it.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I won’t be gone long, less than an hour, and I can be back
down here in a few minutes if anything happens. It’ll pass in no time if you
sleep it off.”

I shook my head. “Every time I go to sleep it gets taken
over by freaky dreams. What happens to me now?”

“No one will expect much until you’re healed. And when you
are, I’m going to find a way to get you out of here.”

“It’s not going to happen. Not without insane ramifications.
Even if you could manage it successfully, they’ll get suspicious and you’ll end
up outing yourself. ”

“I can’t keep you here, Silver. I couldn’t keep you safe.
And I can’t ask you to—”

“You don’t have to ask me.” I finished my plate and put it
on the table. I pulled the covers away and although every movement ached, I
crossed the couch to straddle his lap. “I can play my part, and with you… I can
enjoy some of it. But even if you get me out, it’ll all be for nothing. I want
them all to pay for what they’ve done, and if I stay, you can make sure that
happens.”

“Silver, I—”

“Promise me, Kirk. Let me have back this one piece of my
free will.”

“Revenge isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t want to
see you—”

“I already killed a guy,” I whispered. “I think the darkness
has already claimed me.”

“Exactly why we shouldn’t—”

“Kirk, please. I’m not asking you to let me take them down
myself. I never want to kill anyone, even if it’s in self-defense. But I want
to make sure you can do your job. We both have to play our roles.”

Kirk took a deep breath and traced my collarbone with his
lips. “I’ll think about it. For right now, I have to go.” He gently lifted me
off of his lap and tucked me back under the covers. Then he disappeared into
the bedroom to change and returned, handing me another white pill.

“Can it wait?”

“You tell me. The last one should be wearing off.”

“It makes me too sleepy and I have weird dreams.” I just
wanted to stay awake while he was gone. The time wouldn’t pass as quickly, but
at least I’d be alert and not lost in the dreams where Gabe could torment me.

“I’ll leave it here in case you change your mind.” He placed
it on the table near my glass of water. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I nodded and curled up against the pillow. It and the
blankets smelled like Kirk, and that was enough to ease my worries for the
moment. I heard the lock snap behind him and it set my mind racing.

I tried everything I could imagine to keep my mind occupied
so it wouldn’t drive me insane or get me into more trouble. Finally, I settled
on a shower, hoping that the heat would ease the ache in my muscles. I
smothered myself in Kirk’s body wash, hoping to wash away the feeling of Gable
and his men pawing at me. Groping me. Hitting me.

The pounding of the water didn’t help with the latter since
it stung at each of my bruises and welts. Once I felt reasonably clean again, I
shut off the water and carefully dried my skin. Then I picked up a comb and
went back to the living room, resting for a while before I regained enough
strength to tackle my nest of hair.

I started with the ends, trying to pull out each painful
tangle, but my scalp was already sore, and my arms refused to hold themselves
up for long. I had barely made a dent in the mess when I heard the lock click.
I froze, my eyes dancing around the room for something I could use as a weapon.
My bruised legs even prepared to pounce or run.

Kirk stepped through and my entire body instantly relaxed.
He grinned slightly when he saw me and dropped his things on the desk. “What
are you doing?”