Indulgence (130 page)

I’m extremely glad I cleaned off the dining room table when
we were finished eating, because he pushes me back through the doorway and
against its edge, then lifts me and sits me on it. Spreading my legs wide, he
pulls up a chair, sits in it in front of me, and buries his face in my slit. A
million things run through my mind: The roughness of his tongue; the heat of his
breath; the sounds of the wind chimes on the back porch; the smell of the
leather in my workshop; and the vision of a young boy with brown hair and brown
eyes, running through a field of winter wheat, his corduroy jacket missing a
button and his eyes dancing in the sunlight. Quick as a wink, my body shudders
and I come with my hips pumping toward his face. The sound of his laughter from
between my legs brings me back into the room, and he stands and leans over to
look into my face. All he manages to get out is, “Kimmie, I . . .”

“Please, Sir, fuck me, please? Oh, god, I need you. Please,
Sir . . .” He just scoops me up and heads down the hallway to the bedroom. Once
there, he plunks me down unceremoniously on the bed and crawls up with me, then
rolls me to my face. “Draw your knees up under you to lift your ass.” As I do,
I hear the familiar sound of ripping foil, followed by, “God, girl, you’re so
fucking wet. I want to pound an orgasm right out of you. You’re going to come
for me, and you’ll do it fast.” My face is jammed into the mattress, my
collarbone resting on it, and he grips my hips and forces his dick straight
into my wetness. When I shriek a little, he slaps my ass with a hot palm and
growls, “You want it, don’t you, sub? Say it.”

“Yes, Sir! Please fuck me, Sir! Oh, god, pleeeeeeease . . .”
The heat of my desire is almost more than I can stand, and there’s an ache deep
inside my pelvis that feels like a roaring forest fire.

“Yeah, baby. Oh, yeah.” His hands grip my wrists to hold me
just as he wants me, and he’s slamming into me, hissing and groaning as his
hardness stabs into me over and over, occasionally drawing back to slap my ass
again, hard. That insistent, expanding gnawing deep inside me is coming to the
surface faster than I ever thought possible, and I’m waiting for him to tell me
it’s okay, that I can let go, when he says, “Not yet, sub. Stay with me.”

I start to wail. I can’t help it. His shaft grates over my
G-spot until I’m writhing, my arms still held firm by his hands, and I’m
pleading for release. I need it. I have to have it. It’s eating me alive. And
then I hear the magic words.

“Let go, sub. Come for me. Now!”

I swear, everything turns black. The things I’m feeling
don’t consist of anything I have words for, and I don’t know how long I can
take it. I feel that sensation again, the warm gush down my legs, and a faint
humming sets up in my ears. In what has to be only seconds, but seems like an
hour, I feel Jaz’s fingers dig into my hips as he pounds into me and releases
with a shout of, “FUCK, KIMMIE! God damn, girl, you’re, oh, fuck. Ohhhhhhh, oh
babe. God.” There’s the sensation of something falling beside me, and then I
topple over, but I don’t care. Everything’s a jumble for me, and my body is
still jerking, my hips still bucking and pumping. I want more; I need more.

Apparently I drift off, and when I finally open my eyes, I’m
lying in the bed with my hands unrestrained. My face is damp and my hair is
stuck to it, and I’m lying in a huge wet spot. Flailing around, I find Jaz, and
he’s still panting and just as fucked up as I am. Everything’s still a blur and
I’m trying to sort it all out. And that’s when it happens.

There’s a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder, and the
sound of rain pouring down fills the whole house. As the rumble of the thunder
fades, I feel it – it’s like the very air in the room ripples and expands, and
the gasp that comes from his lips matches mine. Strong arms drag me across the
bed and grip me tight, and I squirm until I’m turned to face him. With one hand
tangled in my hair, he clutches me so tightly that I can barely breathe and
kisses me so hard he’ll bruise my lips, I’m sure. But I find myself clinging to
him too, kissing him back, trying to draw him into me so he can’t get away.
When he finally presses me back and looks down into my face, his eyes are so
dark and serious that even the next lightning strike can’t illuminate them.

Something has happened between us, something so profound
that I can’t explain it, and I know he feels it too. His body and my body – I
don’t think I can tell where one ends and the other begins. It’s exciting and
comfortable at the same time, and I don’t ever want to leave this room and not
have his hands on my skin. He whispers hoarsely, “Touch my face, Kimmie. I want
to feel your fingertips. God, I love you, girl. I can’t turn loose. I have to
have you with me. Please, god, Kimmie.” He sounds so desperate and afraid when
he whispers out, “Please love me. Don’t leave.” When I start to cry, I hear him
say, “Oh, god, please . . .”

“I’m not going anywhere. I don’t belong anywhere else, just
here with you. If everyone else in the whole world slipped away and it was just
you and me, that would be fine. As long as I have you, it’s all okay. Always. I
don’t care about the past or anything in it, just you and me and here and now.”
My nose is running and I’m choking and I don’t care. I don’t care about
anything but this man and his arms around me. This is my whole world. This is
all that matters. “Just hold me. Please, just hold me tight.” Thunder shakes
the house again, and I sob in his arms. For the first time in a long time, I
feel safe and loved. Someone loves me. Jaz Givens loves me. And I love him.

I fall asleep with him whispering, “Oh, Kimmie, oh, Kimmie,
oh, Kimmie,” into my hair, warm and sated and overwhelmed with joy. Our
connection is complete. It’s total. It’s deep and firm and never-ending. I’ll
be whatever he wants me to be, do whatever he wants me to do, go wherever he
wants me to go. I belong to Jasper Givens. And I know he belongs to me.

*****

There’s rustling in my little bedroom, and I squint into the
lamp light. “What are you doing?”

“I have to go to work. I don’t want to, but I have to.
Promise me something.” He’s scrambling around to get into his clothes. I look
at the clock – it’s five thirty in the morning.

“Okay. Whatever you want. What?”

“I know we talked about going to the club and signing the
contract, but promise me we’ll talk this evening instead. I don’t know what
happened between us last night, but whatever it was, it was important, too
important to ignore.” He runs his fingers through his hair to straighten it
out, then takes both my hands. My sleepy eyes are fighting to find his and when
I do, they’re so full of love that it takes my breath away. One of his hands
leaves mine and comes up to brush my hair away from my face. “I love you,
Kimmie. I’ve never loved a woman this way. We need to figure out what’s next,
but this, whatever this is that we’re growing, it’s consuming us both and I
want it to. I want it to grow and bind us together.”

With a sleepy smile, I nod. “I want it too.”

“Okay then. I’ll see you this evening. Me here or you
there?”

I look around at my bedroom. “You here. I want you back
here. In this room with me, your arms around me.”

He leans down and kisses my forehead. “You’ve got it, babe.
Got clients today?”

I chuckle. “Oddly, no. No one’s on the schedule.”

His lips meet mine, and then he pulls back and smiles. “Then
stay in bed. Rest. I wish I could, but I’ve got a damn meeting. I’ve got to go
home and shower and change before I go in. But I want to be here with you.”

“And I want to be here with you, Sir,” I whisper back and
stroke his cheek with my finger.

“Good. I’ll see you when I get off work. I’ll bring
something to eat so we don’t have to waste time cooking, okay?” I nod. “So I’ll
see you as soon as I can get back here. Love you, baby.” He rises and heads to
the door, then turns and looks back at me.

“I love you too, Sir.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. Go back to sleep.” With
that, he closes the door and I’m alone.

The bed is still warm where his perfect body had been, and I
scoot into the warm spot and wrap the covers around me tight. I want to feel
his arms around me. As I drift back off to sleep, I remember the night before,
the power and intensity of our coupling, the orgasm and the way it shattered
the room, his fear and desperation, his pleading and my own. The phone wakes me
at five ‘til eight, and I pick it up and smile. “Hey.”

“Hey. I love you, Kimmie.”

“I love you too, Jaz. Come back to me?”

“As soon as work is over. Can’t wait.”

“Me either.”

“Bye, baby.”

“Bye, Sir.”

After we hang up, I go to the recent calls list and stare at
the entry showing that he called me. I can still hear his voice and see his
smile, feel his lips on my skin. I’m just gone.

No matter what, we’re going to do this and it’ll be
spectacular. And I’ve got a lot of phone calls to make. I should probably get
started.

*****

Not too long before he should be off work, I run to the
hardware store and have a key made. I want him to have it. I’ve no more than
gotten in the door when there’s a knock and I find him standing there, his arms
open, waiting for me to leap into them, and I do. “God, I missed you,” he moans
into my neck.

“I missed you too.”

“I brought ribs. Hungry?”

I grin and wink. “Yes! I have quite an appetite tonight!
Wonder why?”

“Hmmm. Maybe because you got the hell fucked out of you last
night?” he snickers.

“Yeah. I’m guessing that’s it. Come on. Let’s eat and figure
this all out.”

While we sit with our ribs, baked beans, and slaw, Jaz
starts. “So last night was, well, I don’t know what to say. It was one of those
nights I needed to videotape so I could play it over and over because, trust
me, that’s all I thought about all day. I’m sure I looked like a lovesick fool
to anybody who ran across me today, but I don’t care.”

“Me either. I’m glad I didn’t have any clients. I don’t
think I’ve could’ve functioned well enough to take care of them.”

He gives me a tired smile. “This is what I want. Being with
you. It’s all I want. If there were somewhere we could go and be alone together
all the time – and I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about just
being
– then I’d go right now and take you with me. I just want you as part of my
world.”

I nod as I chew on a bite of rib, then swallow. “I feel the
same way. I don’t know a lot of things, and I don’t pretend to, but I know I
love you and want to be with you. If I have you, I’m complete.”

“Okay.” He wanders across the room to the messenger bag he
brought in, pulls out some papers, and comes back. “I rewrote the contract.
Read it and tell me what you think. I thought we’d go and scene at the club
tonight, but I really want this to be far more intimate.”

I start to read it and it sounds like the previous one. He
agrees to take care of me, help me reach my full potential, and see that my
needs are fulfilled, with special emphasis on the sexual ones, of course. I
agree to follow his lead, to make myself available to him mentally,
emotionally, and physically, once again with the sexual aspect emphasized.
There are parts about rules, like greeting him naked in presentation pose at
the end of the day if I get home before he does, not giving myself sexual
pleasure unless I have his permission, and working toward a physical response
to simple verbal instructions from him. And then I get to a part I haven’t seen
before.

The Dominant and submissive shall agree that the initial
contractual period of six months shall constitute an engagement, and that,
after said initial contractual period, a marriage will take place which will
make the contract permanent and binding. Thereafter, all rules of legal
marriage will apply.

I stop and stare just in time to see him drop to his knees
in front of me, reach into his pocket, and pull out a ring. “Kimmie, this is
what I want. I hope you want it too. A D/s relationship is fine, and a contract
is fine, but that’s not enough for me – not anymore. I want to know this is
permanent, that during the time before it is, to know that we both know it’s
what we’re working toward and planning. What do you think?”

I’m smiling so hard my face is hurting. “I think that’s
exactly what I want too.” Then I stick out my hand.

His fingers are trembling as he slides the ring onto my
finger and before I can stop myself, I’m in the floor in his lap, kissing him,
touching him, pressing myself to him as his arms wrap around me, strong and
possessive. Without hesitation, I whisper to him, “I want to marry you, Jaz. I
want to be with you forever.”

“I want to marry you and be with you forever too. I’ve been
waiting for you for a long time, little girl.” He kisses my nose and I melt
into him. “So start looking at the calendar. Six months. You can have whatever
kind of ceremony you want, as long as we’re both there.”

Six months. In six months I’m going to be even happier than
I am now? I don’t think that’s possible, but I’m certainly willing to find out.

It crosses my mind that we’ve got to decide what we’re going
to do about the housing situation. “So what about the living arrangements?”

He shrugs. “What do you want to do? I’ll do whatever you
want.”

That makes me laugh right out loud. “Spoken like a true
Dominant!”

He chuckles a little. “Well, really, it doesn’t matter to
me. I don’t care one way or another, as long as we’re together.”

“The truth?” I hesitate until he nods at me. “I’d just as
soon live with you at your place. I like it there.”

“That’s fine with me. And that makes it not my place – it’s
our
place. Come on. Get up. Let’s iron this out.” Up and out of his lap, I wait
while he rises too and takes my hand. We sit down on the sofa, my legs across
his lap again, and talk about where we’re going to live and how. I keep my
house for two years, and then, if I want to, I either sell it or I rent it out
for extra income. That sounds good to me, except I’ve got plans for it.
Finances are discussed, how we want to arrange paying our bills and all of that
sort of thing. Finally, he says, “And promise me something?”