Imperfections (32 page)

"Don't tempt me, Cat."

"I'll be right here when you get back. Promise."

He goes in his office and closes the door. I pile my plate with food, I'm starving like I haven't eaten for days. I guess good sex will do that to you. Ha, Ava would so make fun of me. When she finds out she's going to flip, hell she's going to do a jig.

My plate is empty when Nick finishes his calls. My feet are in the chair and my hands around a mug of tea. He takes it out of my hands, sits down and pulls me onto his lap wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I want you to spend the rest of the weekend here with me."

"I don't know about that."

"Yeah, you do. No one's going to know you're here. Last night was the best sleep I've had in a while."

"Me too. It was a perfect night, like a dream." He moves my hair to kiss the nape of my neck. "Stay, let's make it perfect times three."

I want to stay, what am I going home for? To hide in my room? I'd rather stay here and be happy. "All right, I'll stay."

"Good. Now that we have that settled, we need to talk."

"Uh oh, we're going to talk about something unpleasant, aren't we?"

"I promise after this we're going to forget about all of it and make the rest of the weekend as perfect as last night."

I get out of his lap and sit in the chair beside him. "What are we going to talk about?"

"We have used protection every time we had sex except the first time."

"I know where you're going with this. When I find out if there's something to worry about, you will be the first person I call. For now there's nothing to tell you."

"If you find out there's something to tell me, what will you do?"

"I just told you."

He holds my chin up firmly with his hand and stares into my eyes.

"If you were pregnant, would you get rid of my child?"

The thought never entered my mind. I don't want to think about being pregnant or what I would do if I am. Everything is already so messed up. I still don't want to think about it. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" he says, looking at me with his eyebrows drawn so close together they're almost touching.

"It's all so complicated I haven't thought that far ahead."

"If you were pregnant, I would want our baby. I would want my child."

"Are you against abortion and a woman's right to choose?" I ask, surprised at his reaction.

"A woman can do whatever she wants with her body. But any woman with my child…no, I'm not for it. I don't even want to hear it."

"This is a surprise to me. You wouldn't think that from the way you were acting with Kate."

"The thing with Kate, to say it took me by surprise would be an understatement. It was totally unexpected. I was reacting off that. That doesn't mean I don't want this child if I'm the father. I absolutely want this child. I'm going to be a part of its life starting from every single prenatal visit. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He's talking like he knows the baby is his. It's different from when he first told me Kate was pregnant.

Something's changed.

"I need to tell you something about Kate and me."

"Oh God! What now? I don't know if I want to hear this. The last thing I want to do is talk about you and Kate. I don't want to think about it."

I don't want to listen to him talk about Kate. I look down at my hands in my lap. He covers my hands with his, leans over his elbows on his knees.

"I know—"

"No, you don't. Every time I see her I have to pretend I don't know she's pregnant and she might be carrying your child. I have to listen to my mother gush over your engagement, what a wonderful couple you are and how she can't wait till you give her grandkids."

I sit up, pull my hands away from him and wrap them around my waist. I want this conversation to be over with. I hate this feeling. I hate what I think he's about to tell me, there is a tiny part of me that wishes my sister wasn't pregnant. Because if she wasn't, everything would be the way it's supposed to be.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this because of the asinine choice I made. I fucked up. I'm not going to try and make excuses for what I did."

You better not. "That's good; if you do I'm going to walk right outta here."

He scrubs his hand across his mouth then across his jaw. He looks down at his folded hands, his legs parted, he rotates his thumbs around each other. I wait for him to say what I don't want to hear. I look to the side into the living room at the clear blue morning sky. It's the kind of blue surrounded by puffs of white cloud that reminds you of blue ice and igloos. I wrap my arms around myself a little tighter. Like a chill from outside is seeping into my perfect dream, wrapping itself around it with its cold embrace.

"I went with Kate to a doctor's appointment."

Here we go. I take a breath and let it out. I sit back and watch the clouds roll by.

"I saw the baby and heard the heartbeat."

I don't turn around. "Why do you think I need to hear this?"

"I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I need you to know everything so there are no misunderstandings. We took a paternity test. If this baby is mine, you need to know what's happening from the beginning. I want you to be as much a part of my life as my child."

"You're saying it like you already know this is your baby."

He takes one of my hands from around my waist and runs his thumb across the back of it. "I'm saying I want you in my life the way it was last night. The way it was waking up with you in my arms this morning. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, we can do this together, Cat."

I shake my head and bite down on my lip hard. "You want me to be right there in the trenches with you when the grenades come raining down on the battlefield when my family finds out Kate's pregnant with your baby and you and I have decided to bring our love to the frontline."

"If that's the way you want to think of it."

I get up and turn away, turn back around with my hand on my hips and blink my eyes at him.

"Listen, I'm no warrior princess."

"Cat, what we feel for each other is worth fighting for. You can't deny it after last night."

"It's a lot to deal with and then to put it all out there for people to see. To be judged by family and friends, people we don't even know."

"How about this, we don't have to tell anyone until you're ready. It will be between us, for now, not forever. When the time is right we will let everyone know. I'll be right there by your side where I will always be."

I put one hand over my forehead and close my eyes. "I'll think about it. I need to go take a shower." I turn to leave. He stands and wraps his hand around my upper arm. I don't look directly at him.

"Cat?"

I turn back to him with a sad smile. "I'm fine, I'm fine…I need to take a shower." My perfect morning is officially ruined. I want to cry.

I close my eyes and hold my face up to the steaming shower of water coming down on me. I want it to wash over me cleaning away the doubt and fears I have. He wants us to be a couple, to be a part of his life with this baby if it's his. He already sounds like he's claiming this child as his own.

I realize now more than anything I don't want this child to be his. I don't want to see it; I don't want to see him and Kate bonding over their baby. He might think it's not going to happen but it is. How could it not? They are going to be connected by this child forever. The thought of him touching her makes me sick!

I run my hands back through my hair, jumping when I feel something hard brush against my back.

I sit on the bed, run my hand through my hair, and listen to the shower run. That was harder than I thought. To see her face when what I was saying without directly saying it registered. She didn't even want to look at me.

I open the door to the bathroom and see her through the shower door with her back to me. She doesn't hear me come in. She looks so small, like she's sixteen again. Like the first time I realized she wasn't a little girl anymore. I love the feel of her skin underneath my hands. The way it feels against my tongue, soft and warm. I hate I'm the one hurting her. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her I can make it all go away. I can't.

I strip my clothes off and climb into the shower behind her. She jumps and presses her back up against me. I put my hands around her to let her know I have her, she's safe with me.

I feel her body relax against me. Her skin feels good against mine. I want her, my body wants her. I can't help it, my body instantly reacts when I'm near her but I didn't come in here for that. Standing against me her head comes to my chest. I tower over her watching the water run down the soft curves of her body; firm shapely legs and her flat stomach. I wish she were the one carrying my child.

"Can I hold you? I just want to hold you," I say softly against the water beating down on us.

We stand like this for a long time. We don't need words when we're in each other's arms. The sound of my phone breaks through the calm and the soothing sound of the running water.

Fuck. "Babe, I have to get that. I'm waiting for an important call from a client." I let out a deep breath. Cat turns around in my arms and looks up at me. Her breasts brush my chest; the feel of her body against mine has been driving me crazy. I don't know how much longer I could have lasted without pressing her against the wall taking her from behind. I grind my teeth as I look down at her beautiful face and her body, beads of water running down her face enhancing her features.

"Go ahead, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute."

"Can I give you a kiss?"

She reaches up on her tiptoes and I meet her halfway. I love the feel of her in my arms with nothing between us, skin to skin contact.

"I said I would take the case, I'm not going to go back on my word. I'm not my father. My word is good. I always repay my debts. After this we're finished."

Cat is standing by the door when I hang up the phone.

"Sorry, I thought you would be finished." She's still in the oversized white bathrobe she had on earlier. It looks absurdly big and at the same time cute on her.

"Come here."

She walks into my office her hands behind her back. I walk around my desk and sit on the end in front of her. There's about five inches of space between us. "You can come closer." She stares at me with her lips slightly pursed. "What's wrong?"

"As much as I like this bathrobe I can't wear it the entire weekend. I feel extremely underdressed next to you."

"You could always take it off. I wouldn't mind at all."

"I'm sure you wouldn't, but I don't think so. I need some kind of armor to protect me from your… less than honorable advances on me."

"Who said I was honorable? When it comes to me being with you, all honor I have left is practically nonexistent." I smile and she smiles when I pull her between my legs and put my hands on hers behind her back.

"Oh, I believe you. I have firsthand experience with your less than honorable practices at making me do things I wouldn't ordinarily do."