Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (54 page)

“I fought you a lot there too, huh?” I wince.

“Here and there, twists and turns ... not too, too bad. Loved submissive-Becca time. Although, you were right about that.”

“Aha!” I laugh.

“You were a very good submissive. I especially loved when you were mad about it.” He bites my shoulder playfully. “I love fucking you when you’re mad.”

“I know you do.” I roll my eyes at him.

“Mmm ... it’s so hot. You’re insatiable.” His eyes go wild at the thought.

“You’ve gotten more aggressive then I remember.” I play with the hair at the base of his neck.

“Just following your lead, sweetheart. You’ve always been a fan of rough and intense, but it’s definitely heightened. I think it’s to make you feel something other than the pain in your heart.” His tone gets serious. “I’m sorry about what I did the morning you went off with Ray. I would never really slap you like that. It was hard for me.”

“Yeah, I think I can recall the ‘hard’ time you had with it.” I try to lighten the mood and earn a half smile from him.

“One thing hasn’t changed, though.” He rubs my bum.

“Hmm?”

“We still can’t keep our bloody hands off of each other.” He squeezes, then gives me a good smack. I relish in the sting and bite at his chest. My tongue travels down slowly and dives into his navel. I bite at his V-line. “Now ... this is a taste of Heaven, baby. Incidentally, speaking of taste, you can make it taste like anything you want, sweetheart.” I take him into my mouth. “I can come chocolate peanut butter ice cream if you’d like!” he says with exaggerated excitement, and I can’t help but go into a laughing fit.

“Grayson! Honestly!”

“It’s true ... just saying ... double our pleasure.” He chuckles at himself as well. “Shit, I’ve gone and ruined a very serious moment that involved one of your fantastic blow jobs!” He stops laughing and smacks his head with regret.

“Um ... I’d prefer the taste of Grayson James. It’s a bit nuttier!” I giggle.

“That it is, sweetheart.” He grins with his arm draped over his eyes. “Christ, Becca.” He gasps and lifts his head to watch me as I give another go at his “thirty-one” flavors.

After ten minutes or so, I swirl my tongue around his tip, slowly catching the last taste of him. I leave a soft kiss and climb back up to a panting Grayson.

“How was dessert, love?”

“Mmm ... Grayson James ... nuttier than all the rest.” I lick my lips.

“Honestly, Becca, I know I’ve said this before, but you really do know how to drain a fellow!” He brings both of his hands up and places them behind his head.

“Should I put that on my résumé?”

“No.” He does a frown-wince. “You know ... expected follow-through and all,” he adds.

“Mmm.” I agree. “Do you know why I involved my favorite book in our storyline here?” I snuggle into his arms as I change the direction of our conversation.

“Because you helped me with its characters?” he asks.

“No, because I fall asleep to it every night. It’s the only book of yours where you recorded the audio version. I listen to it so I can hear your voice every night.” I feel myself getting choked up again.

“You always loved when I read to you. Oh, sweetheart.” He hugs me tightly and kisses my hair. “I didn’t see that. I was trying to focus on everything else. I didn’t stop to watch you go to sleep at night.” He rubs my back.

“Hey, shall we get back on track?” I wipe my tears away.

“Yes, of course, love.” He gives me another squeeze. “So, California. You were trying to keep the suspenseful momentum up. Love the whole investment-fraud angle you used. Quite clever, sweetheart.”

“I came up with that?”

“Yes, you came up with a lot of the conspiracies that weren’t in the book.”

“Who came up with Stacey being attacked?” I watch our fingers playing together.

“I did. You were making me break up with you, and I had to think fast.”

“I was making you?” I ask with a bit of confusion ... once again!

“Yes, and I didn’t have Ray set in place for you to run to, so ... it was like a huge reality check and I made my phone ring.” He sighs.

“Wow! We are two very talented people, with our writing, acting and directing.” I smile up at him.

“Yes, we are.”

“Are Stacey and Steve still together?”

“No, but Stacey and Max are.” He laughs. I smack my head. We’ve been calling Max “Steve” as a joke for years because of the moustache he tried to grow once. It made him look like a seventies porn star.

“So, Stacey and Max are okay? Pregnant?” I ask. He nods, knowing I’ll be happy. “Wow, she was a crazy bitch here, huh?” I laugh.

“Yeah, you had her riding along the lines of Lavina in
Winter’s Baby
.” He laughs, knowing how much that character irritated Stacey.

“I can’t wait to tell her that!”

“Speaking of books, you have been reading a lot of interesting ones—several times over. I’ve had a lot of fun teasing you about it. I was half nervous and half excited, waiting for you to have me tie you up and perform all of those things on you.”

“No, no ... fun to read, but ass-slapping is as far as I’ll go with painful pleasure.” I laugh, then look at him quizzically. “You said half excited?”

“Well, you know, I wouldn’t have said no.” Frowny expression.

“Well, I would be open to some of it, but not all.”

“Ugh! Now she tells me!” He slaps the bed, coaxing a laugh from me.

“C’mon, we’re getting off track.”

“Yes. So, I brought you back to New Hampshire. By the way, you were so hot on the plane! Ray is one lucky mate! Ugh, no! He’s going to get to do all of that kinky fuckery with you! Damn it!” He sighs with frustration.

“Grayson, you’ve had all of my firsts ... let him have the kinky fuckery,” I say, as if we’re compromising over a normal topic like who does the dishes which night.

“Yes I have, haven’t I? Hold on while I swallow my face with my smile. Love that metaphor, darling.” He grins ridiculously wide, making me laugh again. I stare at him ... my husband ... my true, real husband, not a crazy version of a part he’s playing. “Becca, if I wasn’t already naked, I’d accuse you of undressing me with your eyes.” He taps my nose with his index finger.

“Wouldn’t be the first time you accused me of that. C’mon now. Carry on.”

“Okay. So, we came back, and I noticed that, slowly, you were bringing Ray around more and more. I almost had nothing to do with a lot of this, except for my purple-pants moments, of course. I had to come to terms with the fact that, in the end—I’m not a choice.”

“The plane explosion?” I try to distract him.

“Um ... you. A little combo of what happened with me and your fear of losing Morgan.”

“Liz?”

“He hasn’t lied. She left, not wanting the family thing. She’s in Texas. Honestly, the best thing she ever did was leave them. They are better off.”

“How does Ray feel about me being pregnant? I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you. It’s pretty strange for me.” I rest my head on his shoulder.

Grayson inhales deeply.

“Becca, you have to know that, for the most part, he’s thrilled. You know now that he’s often thought about having children with you. He just hoped he would have the chance to marry you first. He’s very nervous, though, about the babies’ health, and how you will react when you come out of this. He’s afraid he’s going to lose you permanently.”

“He did drug me?” I look down, feeling that same disappointment again.

“Yes, Becca. What he did was not right, but ...” He trails off, trying to find the right words.

“I know, Grayson. I have forgiven him. I just wish it never had to come to that.”

“It didn’t have to come to that, Becca. He shouldn’t have done it, but in his defense, he gives in to your needs all the time. In studying him, I realized Liz did a number on him as well. She up and leaves him with an infant. Rejection. He meets you and you two have a five-year relationship that you don’t even remember. He’s started to feel like there’s something wrong with him, that he’s not worthy of love. He knows you have PTSD and it stems from that, but he still feels like you’re embarrassed to be with him. Before you say anything,” he holds up his hand to stop me, “you never display embarrassment. You are very proud of him, and proud to be with him, whether it’s as ‘just a friend’ or his girlfriend. This is his internal battle as he tries to deal with your trauma.”

“More like my
drama
,” I snap at myself.

“Becca, every night that man prays for you to stop hurting, to realize what you have with him. When you fall asleep in his arms, he prays to you ... the same prayer every time.”

“What does he say?” I lift my head.

“
Please still love me when you wake up.
”

I sit up and pull my knees to my chest, then give in to the need to cry for Ray. Grayson’s hands glide up and down my back.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby.” I turn to him.

“Stop, Becca! No more guilt! Does this hurt me? Yes, on some level, but I know you’re not doing it to spite me, sweetheart. It hurts because I can no longer be with you. I can’t come back, Becca! This is our last night. That’s it, until you join me one day! You have to push this guilt away. It’s destroying you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with Ray! I give you my blessing, sweetheart! That’s why I’m here. I wanted to give you the chance to take a second look at your life and love with him!” He sounds so passionate; one would never believe he’s trying to convince his wife to be with another man.

“Thank you. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.” I touch his face. He kisses my palm. “Grayson, will I remember now?”

“Yes.”

“How do you know?”

I watch as he looks down and plays with a loose thread on the duvet.

“Because the tables have turned. You are always thinking about him now, wondering if he’s okay. You’re feeling guilty that you’re not with him and Annie, especially since you went through all of those memories with him. The wall’s gone, Becca. I’ve succeeded ... yay me!” He half-heartedly cheers for himself.

“Silver lining?” I try to boost his mood.

“Sure.”

“I won’t fight you on a single thing tonight ... and I don’t have to go to sleep.” I smirk

“I—am—so—going—to—hold—you—to—that,” he says between kisses.

“Can I ask more questions?”

He nods.

“What if I wake up and remember everything, and I’m his full-blown girlfriend? He’s so used to chasing me. Will he get bored? Will I not be a challenge for him anymore? You know the whole ‘be careful what you wish for’ saying.” I bite my lip nervously.

“Sweetheart, I was with you for over six years myself. Speaking from experience, I can honestly say that I don’t foresee you ever not being a challenge.” He laughs. I hit him. “Seriously though, Becca, that will never be an issue. He just wants to come home from work and be able to kiss you, for Christ’s sake! He tired of chasing you. He’s been done with it for a long time. He just loves you too much to walk away. I understand that. Nobody understands it better than me.” He runs his hands through his hair.

“Okay. So I just want to straighten out who’s who.”

“All right.”

“Melissa?” I tap my first finger.

“Ray’s younger sister. Elise and Artie’s
whoops
.”

“Of course! She’s in the military and I tease her about being my bodyguard.” I smack my head.

“And she does look up to you very much. She’s always asking you for advice,” he adds.

“Ryan?”

“Her boyfriend. You think he’s good for her. He’s not the usual type she goes for.”

“Okay. Derek is your best friend.”

“Yes—from university!” He smiles.

“Tanya?” I wince.

“Morgan and Annie’s favorite teacher. Incidentally, they are struggling, so anything you and Ray can come up with would be great.”

“Oh. Okay ... yeah, I’m sure we’ll think of something. What about all of the financial stuff and the renovations?” I lift his chin so he’s looking into my eyes.

“Uh, Ray fixed your finances.” He starts cracking up.

“What?”

“Remember me sorting out your ‘war zone’?”

“Yes.”

“That was actually Ray. He cursed you out the entire time. I’m pretty sure he won’t be letting you handle that anymore. Honestly, Becca, you are so disorganized! Why are you pretending that I didn’t leave you anything? You should’ve been all set, sweetheart.” He suddenly looks concerned.

“I ... I don’t know. I guess it made it too real for me. I mean, I obviously had to use some of it to start my business up. I just ... I don’t know. I wanted to leave it for Morgan.” I shrug.

“Or for when I came back?” He arches a brow.

“And here you are.” I laugh.

“I want you to go and buy the things you want. All of the stuff I bought you the past three months. I mean it, Becca! I want you to stop the weddings and do the renovations. You tell Ray I said I am paying for it. He is to take the money or I will haunt him for the rest of his life!” He taps his finger for emphasis.

“Grayson, I don’t know. I want to make sure Morgan is all set. She’s your daughter—it should all go to her.” I sigh.

“And you are my
wife
!” he yells. “I made sure to set things in motion to provide for you both if something like this should happen! Instead, you decide to struggle for no reason and use up precious time that you could be spending with
our daughter
!” Oh ... he sounds extra British.

“Gray, calm down, baby.” I move to touch him, but he pushes my hand away.

“Do what you are told—for once, goddamn it! It’s absolutely silly, and it’s an embarrassment to me!”

“Embarrassment?”

“Yes, Becca! Everybody thinks I left you with nothing! Even Ray thought that! He knows differently now.”

“I’m sorry. I really wasn’t thinking about that.” I look down.

“Becca, as your husband and Morgan’s father, it’s my responsibility to take care of the both of you. You haven’t allowed me to do that. It’s upsetting.” He’s completely calm now.

“I am really sorry. I am, Gray. I promise, when I get back, I will do everything you ask.” I bring his face to mine.

“Will you please open the Christmas present I sent you?” He pulls away. A sob escapes my throat.