Gone with the Wind (110 page)

She patted her foot impatiently. Will should have met her. Of course, she could go over to Bullard's and inquire after him or ask someone there to drive her over to Tara, should she find he had been unable to come. But she did not want to go to Bullard's. It was Saturday night and probably half the men of the County would be there. She did not want to display her condition in this poorly fitting black dress which accentuated rather than hid her figure. And she did not want to hear the kindly sympathy that would be poured out about Gerald. She did not want sympathy. She was afraid she would cry if anyone even mentioned his name to her. And she wouldn't cry. She knew if she once began it would be like the time she cried into the horse's mane, that dreadful night when Atlanta fell and Rhett had left her on the dark road outside the town, terrible tears that tore her heart and could not be stopped.

No, she wouldn't cry! She felt the lump in her throat rising again, as it had done so often since the news came, but crying wouldn't do any good. It would only confuse and weaken her. Why, oh, why hadn't Will or Melanie or the girls written to her that Gerald was ailing? She would have taken the first train to Tara to care for him, brought a doctor from Atlanta if necessary. The fools—all of them! Couldn't they manage anything without her? She couldn't be in two places at once and the good Lord knew she was doing her best for them all in Atlanta.

She twisted about on the keg, becoming nervous and fidgety as Will still did not come. Where was he? Then she heard the scrunching of cinders on the railroad tracks behind her and, twisting her body, she saw Alex Fontaine crossing the tracks toward a wagon, a sack of oats on his shoulder.

“Good Lord! Isn't that you, Scarlett?” he cried, dropping the sack and running to take her hand, pleasure written all over his bitter, swarthy little face. “I'm so glad to see you. I saw Will over at the blacksmith's shop, getting the horse shod. The train was late and he thought he'd have time. Shall I run fetch him?”

“Yes, please, Alex,” she said, smiling in spite of her sorrow. It was good to see a County face again.

“Oh—er—Scarlett,” he began awkwardly, still holding her hand, “I'm mighty sorry about your father.”

“Thank you,” she replied, wishing he had not said it. His words brought up Gerald's florid face and bellowing voice so clearly.

“If it's any comfort to you, Scarlett, we're mighty proud of him around here,” Alex continued, dropping her hand. “He—well, we figure he died like a soldier and in a soldier's cause.”

Now what did he mean by that, she thought confusedly. A soldier? Had someone shot him? Had he gotten into a fight with the Scallawags as Tony had? But she mustn't hear more. She would cry if he talked about him and she mustn't cry, not until she was safely in the wagon with Will and out in the country where no stranger could see her. Will wouldn't matter. He was just like a brother.

“Alex, I don't want to talk about it,” she said shortly.

“I don't blame you one bit, Scarlett,” said Alex while the dark blood of anger flooded his face. “If it was my sister, I'd—well, Scarlett, I've never yet said a harsh word about any woman, but personally I think somebody ought to take a rawhide whip to Suellen.”

What foolishness was he talking about now, she wondered. What had Suellen to do with it all?

“Everybody around here feels the same way about her, I'm sorry to say. Will's the only one who takes up for her—and, of course, Miss Melanie, but she's a saint and won't see bad in anyone and—”

“I said I didn't want to talk about it,” she said coldly but Alex did not seem rebuffed. He looked as though he understood her rudeness and that was annoying. She didn't want to hear bad tidings about her own family from an outsider, didn't want him to know of her ignorance of what had happened. Why hadn't Will sent her the full details?

She wished Alex wouldn't look at her so hard. She felt that he realized her condition and it embarrassed her. But what Alex was thinking as he peered at her in the twilight was that her face had changed so completely he wondered how he had ever recognized her. Perhaps it was because she was going to have a baby. Women did
look like the devil at such times. And, of course, she must be feeling badly about old man O'Hara. She had been his pet. But, no, the change was deeper than that. She really looked better than when he had seen her last. At least, she now looked as if she had three square meals a day. And the hunted-animal look had partly gone from her eyes. Now, the eyes which had been fearful and desperate were hard. There was an air of command, assurance and determination about her, even when she smiled. Bet she led old Frank a merry life! Yes, she had changed. She was a handsome woman, to be sure, but all that pretty, sweet softness had gone from her face and that flattering way of looking up at a man, like he knew more than God Almighty, had utterly vanished.

Well, hadn't they all changed? Alex looked down at his rough clothes and his face fell into its usual bitter lines. Sometimes at night when he lay awake, wondering how his mother was going to get that operation and how poor dead Joe's little boy was going to get an education and how he was going to get money for another mule, he wished the war was still going on, wished it had gone on forever. They didn't know their luck then. There was always something to eat in the army, even if it was just corn bread, always somebody to give orders and none of this torturing sense of facing problems that couldn't be solved—nothing to bother about in the army except getting killed. And then there was Dimity Munroe. Alex wanted to marry her and he knew he couldn't when so many were already looking to him for support. He had loved her for so long and now the roses were fading from her cheeks and the joy from her eyes. If only Tony hadn't had to run away to Texas. Another man on the place would make all the difference in the world. His lovable
bad-tempered little brother, penniless somewhere in the West. Yes, they had all changed. And why not? He sighed heavily.

“I haven't thanked you for what you and Frank did for Tony,” he said. “It was you who helped him get away, wasn't it? It was fine of you. I heard in a roundabout way that he was safe in Texas. I was afraid to write and ask you—but did you or Frank lend him any money? I want to repay—”

“Oh, Alex, please hush! Not now!” cried Scarlett. For once, money meant nothing to her.

Alex was silent for a moment.

“I'll get Will for you,” he said, “and we'll all be over tomorrow for the funeral.”

As he picked up the sack of oats and turned away, a wobbly-wheeled wagon swayed out of a side street and creaked up to them. Will called from the seat: “I'm sorry I'm late, Scarlett.”

Climbing awkwardly down from the wagon, he stumped toward her and, bending, kissed her cheek. Will had never kissed her before, had never failed to precede her name with “Miss” and, while it surprised her, it warmed her heart and pleased her very much. He lifted her carefully over the wheel and into the wagon and, looking down, she saw that it was the same old rickety wagon in which she had fled from Atlanta. How had it ever held together so long? Will must have kept it patched up very well. It made her slightly sick to look at it and to remember that night. If it took the shoes off her feet or food from Aunt Pitty's table, she'd see that there was a new wagon at Tara and this one burned.

Will did not speak at first and Scarlett was grateful. He threw his battered straw hat into the back of the
wagon, clucked to the horse and they moved off. Will was just the same, lank and gangling, pink of hair, mild of eye, patient as a draft animal.

They left the village behind and turned into the red road to Tara. A faint pink still lingered about the edges of the sky and fat feathery clouds were tinged with gold and palest green. The stillness of the country twilight came down about them as calming as a prayer. How had she ever borne it, she thought, away for all these months, away from the fresh smell of country air, the plowed earth and the sweetness of summer nights? The moist red earth smelled so good, so familiar, so friendly, she wanted to get out and scoop up a handful. The honeysuckle which draped the gullied red sides of the road in tangled greenery was piercingly fragrant as always after rain, the sweetest perfume in the world. Above their heads a flock of chimney swallows whirled suddenly on swift wings and now and then a rabbit scurried startled across the road, his white tail bobbing like an eiderdown powder puff. She saw with pleasure that the cotton stood well, as they passed between plowed fields where the green bushes reared themselves sturdily out of the red earth. How beautiful all this was! The soft gray mist in the swampy bottoms, the red earth and growing cotton, the sloping fields with curving green rows and the black pines rising behind everything like sable walls. How had she ever stayed in Atlanta so long?

“Scarlett, before I tell you about Mr. O'Hara—and I want to tell you everything before you get home—I want to ask your opinion on a matter. I figger you're the head of the house now.”

“What is it, Will?”

He turned his mild sober gaze on her for a moment.

“I just wanted your approval to my marryin' Suellen.”

Scarlett clutched the seat, so surprised that she almost fell backwards. Marry Suellen! She'd never thought of anybody marrying Suellen since she had taken Frank Kennedy from her. Who would have Suellen?

“Goodness, Will!”

“Then I take it you don't mind?”

“Mind? No, but— Why, Will, you've taken my breath away! You marry Suellen? Will, I always thought you were sweet on Carreen.”

Will kept his eyes on the horse and flapped the reins. His profile did not change but she thought he sighed slightly.

“Maybe I was,” he said.

“Well, won't she have you?”

“I never asked her.”

“Oh, Will, you're a fool. Ask her. She's worth two of Suellen!”

“Scarlett, you don't know a lot of things that's been going on at Tara. You ain't favored us with much of your attention these last months.”

“I haven't, haven't I?” she flared. “What do you suppose I've been doing in Atlanta? Riding around in a coach and four and going to balls? Haven't I sent you money every month? Haven't I paid the taxes and fixed the roof and bought the new plow and the mules? Haven't—”

“Now, don't fly off the handle and get your Irish up,” he interrupted imperturbably. “If anybody knows what you've done, I do, and it's been two men's work.”

Slightly mollified, she questioned, “Well then, what do you mean?”

“Well, you've kept the roof over us and food in the pantry and I ain't denyin' that, but you ain't given much
thought to what's been goin' on in anybody's head here at Tara. I ain't blamin' you, Scarlett. That's just your way. You warn't never very much interested in what was in folks' heads. But what I'm tryin' to tell you is that I didn't never ask Miss Carreen because I knew it wouldn't be no use. She's been like a little sister to me and I guess she talks to me plainer than to anybody in the world. But she never got over that dead boy and she never will. And I might as well tell you now she's aimin' to go in a convent over to Charleston.”

“Are you joking?”

“Well, I knew it would take you back and I just want to ask you, Scarlett, don't you argue with her about it or scold her or laugh at her. Let her go. It's all she wants now. Her heart's broken.”

“But, God's nightgown! Lots of people's hearts have been broken and they didn't run off to convents. Look at me. I lost a husband.”

“But your heart warn't broken,” Will said calmly and, picking up a straw from the bottom of the wagon, he put it in his mouth and chewed slowly. That remark took the wind out of her. As always when she heard the truth spoken, no matter how unpalatable it was, basic honesty forced her to acknowledge it as truth. She was silent a moment, trying to accustom herself to the idea of Carreen as a nun.

“Promise you won't fuss at her.”

“Oh, well, I promise,” and then she looked at him with a new understanding and some amazement. Will had loved Carreen, loved her now enough to take her part and make her retreat easy. And yet he wanted to marry Suellen.

“Well, what's all this about Suellen? You don't care for her, do you?”

“Oh, yes, I do in a way,” he said removing the straw and surveying it as if it were highly interesting. “Suellen ain't as bad as you think, Scarlett. I think we'll get along right well. The only trouble with Suellen is that she needs a husband and some children and that's just what every woman needs.”

The wagon jolted over the rutty road and for a few minutes while the two sat silent Scarlett's mind was busy. There must be something more to it than appeared on the surface, something deeper, more important, to make the mild and soft-spoken Will want to marry a complaining nagger like Suellen.

“You haven't told me the real reason, Will. If I'm head of the family, I've got a right to know.”

“That's right,” said Will, “and I guess you'll understand. I can't leave Tara. It's home to me, Scarlett, the only real home I ever knew and I love every stone of it. I've worked on it like it was mine. And when you put out work on somethin', you come to love it. You know what I mean?”

She knew what he meant and her heart went out in a surge of warm affection for him, hearing him say he, too, loved the thing she loved best.

“And I figger it this way. With your pa gone and Carreen a nun, there'll be just me and Suellen left here and, of course, I couldn't live on at Tara without marryin' Suellen. You know how folks talk.”

“But—but Will, there's Melanie and Ashley—”

At Ashley's name he turned and looked at her, his pale eyes unfathomable. She had the old feeling that Will knew all about her and Ashley, understood all and did not either censure or approve.