Give Me a Reason (58 page)

“But you already gave me the sweater…and this cookbook.”

“Just open it, Ellie.”

Pursing her lips, Eleanor sighed and pulled apart the ribbon.
Tearing away the wrapping, she held her breath as she opened the ring box.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of looking
through your jewelry box to find them. I had them cleaned and polished in
hopes…in hopes that you’ll wear them again,” he said, pointing to the rings he
had given her over thirty years before. “Of course, if you want new ones, I
can—”

“Don’t you dare,” Eleanor scolded as tears appeared in her
eyes. “These are the only rings I ever want from you.”

“Does that mean yes?”

Pausing for a moment, she looked at her daughter. Seeing the
happiness in Laura’s eyes, Eleanor smiled back at William. “Yes.”

“
Woohoo
!” Bill shouted,
pulling Eleanor into his arms.

Before she knew what was happening, Eleanor found herself
locked in a passionate kiss, and momentarily she forgot where she was, but as
the kiss began to deepen, she came to her senses. Freeing herself from Bill’s
embrace, she said, “William, sweetheart, we have guests.”

“Oh...oh...of course,” he said, quickly glancing at Toni and
Laura. “Sorry, I guess I got a bit excited.”

“No problem, Bill,” Toni said, smiling as she picked up the
empty wine bottle. “But I think this calls for some more wine. I’m going to go
grab another bottle and get a quick fag. Be right back.”

“Not yet,” Bill said, reaching into the bag by his side.
Handing Toni a small box, he said, “This is for you.”

“But you got me the—”

“Why is it that all the women in this house believe
themselves only deserving of one gift, eh? Now, don’t argue with me, Toni. Just
open the present.”

With Laura looking over her shoulder, Toni did as asked.
Tearing away the silver paper, she discovered a small blue jewelry box, and
opening the lid, she peered inside at the gold and silver necklace it
contained.

Moving from the sofa, Bill knelt on the floor in front of her
as she gazed at the gift. “The gold part is the Trinity knot, also known as the
Celtic love knot. The silver design behind it is a thistle, our national
flower. Legend has it that when the Vikings were about to attack a Scottish
castle, one stepped on a thorny thistle, and his cry of pain alerted the Scots
inside of his existence, thus saving the castle.” When Toni raised her eyes to
meet his, Bill said, “It protected the Scottish, and my hopes are that it will
protect you, lass. That it will act as a talisman, so that smile you wear so
well will continue to shine.”

Toni’s eyes filled with tears, and removing the necklace from
the box, she placed it in his hand. “Will you?”

Bill’s chest swelled with pride and his face glowed with a
light that came from his heart. “I’d be honored.” Getting to his feet, he
walked around the sofa, and after fastening the silver clasp, he leaned down
and placed a light kiss on the top of Toni’s head. “May it protect you for
forever and a day.”

Returning to the bag, Bill pulled out the remaining present.
Handing it to Laura, he said, “Last...but certainly not least.”

Knowing better than to argue the gift, Laura smiled politely
as she quickly unwrapped the present, and when she saw a delicate gold dress
watch, her eyes opened wide.

“We both know that it’s impossible for me to go back in time
and right the wrongs I’ve made,” Bill said quietly. “What I hope is that over
the coming years, you’ll allow me the time to try. The time to…to show you just
how much I truly love you and how proud I am to say you’re my daughter. I’m
sure you don’t think I have a right to feel that way, but I can’t help it...I
do.”

Laura listened to his words, and staring at the watch she
could feel tears forming. Raising her eyes, she was about to tell him that she
loved him, when an idea popped into her head. Quickly regrouping, Laura said,
“It’s beautiful, Bill. Thank you for your sentiments, and...um...well, all I
can say is that we’ll see what happens. Okay?”

***

“We’ll see what
happens
!”

“Sshhh, they’ll hear you.”

“I don’t bloody care,” Toni barked, closing the bedroom door.
“Your father poured his heart out to you down there, and all you could think of
saying is
we’ll see what happens
?”

Single-minded, Laura ignored Toni’s rant as she headed to the
other bedroom, and by the time Toni caught up with her, Laura had opened almost
every drawer in the room.

Staring in disbelief at the mayhem Laura had caused in only a
few seconds, Toni said, “What the
hell
are you
doing?”

“Looking for something.”

“I can see that, but whatever it is, it can wait.”

“No, it can’t.”

“Yes, it can,” Toni said, grabbing Laura’s arm. “Laura, you
need to go down and talk to him.”

“Tomorrow.”

“No! Today...tonight...right
now
!”

“Toni, relax.”

“I will not relax until you give me one bloody reason why you
just treated him like that. He loves you, Laura, and we both know you love
him.”

“I do,” Laura said, pulling her arm from Toni’s grasp. “Now
seriously, sweetheart, I really need to find something.”

Stunned by Laura’s admission of love, for a moment Toni just
stood there with her mouth open. Watching as Laura continued to turn the room
upside down, Toni’s annoyance returned, and rolling her eyes, she stomped back
to their bedroom.

“Found them!”

Hearing Laura’s announcement, Toni’s curiosity won out, and
going back into the other room, she found Laura sitting on the bed. Seeing what
she had finally found, it only took a moment for Toni to understand.

“So...what do you think?” Laura asked, looking up.

“I think it’s the most brilliant bloody idea you’ve ever
had.”

Chapter Fifty-Five

Hearing the first chirp of her alarm, Toni quickly reached
over, quieted the clock and turned on the bedside lamp.

“Oh, that’s just rude,” Laura muttered as she snuggled
closer. “Turn it off.”

Smiling at her sleepy partner’s pouting tone, Toni whispered,
“And a Merry Christmas to you.”

Without opening her eyes, Laura nuzzled her face into Toni’s
neck. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Now, let’s go back to sleep.”

“Last night, you said you wanted to get up early. Remember?”

Instantly, Laura was awake. “Shit! What time is it?”

“Relax, it’s just after five. We have plenty of time.”

Scrambling out of bed, Laura ran to the bathroom and before
Toni could rub the sleep out of her eyes, Laura came rushing back out. “Are you
going to help me?”

With a snort, Toni climbed out of bed. “Can I use the loo
first?”

“Yes, but make it quick.”

A few minutes later, they crept down the stairs. Doing their
best to be quiet, it seemed the floorboards were conspiring against them, and
with every step they took, the old oak squeaked under their feet. Tiptoeing over
to Eleanor’s bedroom, Toni listened for signs of life and then gave Laura a
thumbs-up. Standing guard at the door in case anyone awoke, Toni watched as
Laura ran to and fro completing the task she had started the night before.

“What do you think?” Laura whispered.

Looking around the lounge, Toni grinned. “I think we should
go back to bed. Come on.”

Tiptoeing up the stairs, they returned to their bedroom, and
after quietly latching the door, Toni let out a big yawn before climbing under
the quilt. Waiting until Laura snuggled up against her, Toni reached for the
lamp and said, “The way I see it, we still have at least two more hours of
sleep coming to us.”

Nestling close, Laura draped her leg over Toni’s. “So I guess
that means you’re tired.”

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be?” Toni asked, giving Laura a
sideways glance.

“It depends.”

“On what?”

“Well, I thought maybe we could start our own tradition,”
Laura said, placing her hand on Toni’s breast. “But it all depends on how sore
you are because I wouldn’t want to...
hurt
you.”

Chuckling to herself, Toni pulled her hand away from the
lamp, and within seconds, Laura was straddling her hips. Looking up at her
lustful partner, Toni whispered, “Laura?”

“Yeah?”

“Hurt me...but do it quietly.”

Smiling, Laura leaned in for a kiss, and as their lips met,
the world stood still. Aches and pains were dissolved by love and need, and as
fingers meshed, bodies molded, and Christmas morning was lost in the passion of
two becoming one.

The squeaky bed frame made not a sound for their movements
were slow and tender as fingers found flesh, and as clothing was discarded,
smiles were born. Curves and swells were fondled and tasted, and kisses turned
intoxicating as tongues, warm and moist, simply could not get enough.

With no need to rush, their rhythm was calculated and
sensual, and when breathing eventually turned ragged and skin glistened with
sweat, their eyes locked. Their carnal waltz was nearing its end as both could
feel the quivers deep inside begin to build, and welcoming the inevitable, Toni
sat up and Laura wrapped her legs around her waist. Each buried their face into
the other’s shoulder, and in silence, they gave themselves to it. The softest
of moans slipped from their lips, and shuddering in each other’s arms, they
held on tight until the last spasm of rapture had passed.

Slowly, they parted, and after placing a feathery kiss on
Laura’s lips, Toni laid back and Laura quickly cuddled in alongside her. After
covering their nakedness with the quilt, Toni whispered, “I’m really starting
to like all these traditions of yours.”

“Good to know,” Laura murmured as she snuggled in even
closer.

Leaning over, Toni flicked off the lamp and then kissed Laura
on the top of her head. “Merry Christmas, darling.”

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

***

“Merry Christmas,” Bill said, waking Eleanor with a kiss.

Smiling, she breathed in his scent. “Merry Christmas,
sweetheart. What time is it?”

“Half-seven, so if you want to make it to nine o’clock
service, you’d best get up.”

Giving him a quick kiss on the lips, Eleanor climbed out of
bed and grabbed her robe. “I’ll go brew some coffee if you want to shower
first.”

“We could shower together.”

“Not if we want to make service on time. Now get moving. I’ll
make sure Laura’s awake.”

Shuffling out of the bedroom, Eleanor made her way through
the darkened lounge, and flicking on the kitchen light, went about making a pot
of coffee. Filling two mugs, she slowly made her way back to the bedroom, but
halfway through the lounge, something caught her eye. Turning on a table lamp,
she blinked to clear the spots…and then nearly dropped the coffee.

“Oh my,” she whispered. Placing the mugs on a nearby table,
Eleanor sat on the arm of the sofa as she looked around the room. After several
minutes, she managed to stop her tears, and drying her eyes, she picked up the
coffee and headed back to the bedroom.

“There you are,” Bill said, stepping into his trousers. “I
thought you got lost.”

“Sorry, I got distracted,” Eleanor said quietly.

“You okay?”

“I’m wonderful, but I forgot to wake up the girls. Care to go
up and rap on their door?”

“Sure, no problem,” Bill said as he fastened the last button
on his shirt.

Taking his coffee, he kissed her quickly on the cheek before
he left the room, and counting to ten, Eleanor took a deep breath and quietly
followed him. As she expected, he hadn’t made it far.

Standing only a few feet from the bedroom door, Bill had
stopped in his tracks near a table displaying the first of many handmade
Christmas cards…all of which were addressed to him.

Walking over to the nearest, he paused for only a moment
before picking it up, and in an instant, his eyes filled with tears. Drawn in
crayon on the front was a stick figure family of three standing under a
disproportionate, blue Christmas tree. Smiling softly at the childish artwork,
he held his breath as he opened the card. Inside, in letters sloppily written
as if by a child, he read the words, “
Merry
Christmas, Daddy
.”

“Oh, Christ,” he said, covering his mouth as tears rolled
down his face. “Oh…dear…God.”

Noticing Bill beginning to sway, Eleanor rushed over, and
putting her arm around him, guided him to a chair. “I think you had better sit
down for a minute.”

“Did you know?” he asked.

“I had no idea,” she said, sitting on the arm of the chair.
“That’s why it took me so long to get back to the bedroom. If I had walked in
crying my eyes out, you wouldn’t have been surprised.”

Reaching out, he took another from the table. Similar to the
first, it showed another family of three, but this time, instead of standing
under a Christmas tree, they were surrounded by bunnies wearing red and green
bows. Chuckling at the humor, he opened the card expecting to see more levity,
but when he read the words “
I love you, Dad
,"
written on the inside, he began to cry even harder.

Wrapping her arm around his shoulders, Eleanor pulled him
close, and knowing no words were needed, she remained silent. Hearing a
floorboard creak, she looked up to see Laura standing in the doorway, and
smiling at her daughter, Eleanor mouthed the words “I love you” before
returning her attention to William. Watching as he traced a misshapen bunny
with his finger, she said, “I’d have to say she was never much of an artist.”

Shaking his head, he sniffled back a tear. “It’s the most
beautiful card I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m glad you like it, Dad.”

Hearing the endearment he never thought he would hear, Bill
wept openly. Looking up, he saw his daughter standing across the room, and
taking a deep, ragged breath, he stood on shaky legs. It took only seconds to
reach her, but when he did, Bill suddenly had no idea what to do.

Sensing his hesitation, Laura opened her arms. “Merry
Christmas, Dad.”

Bill fell into Laura’s arms and held on tight. “Oh, Laura, I
love you so much. I’m so sorry for what I did. I’m so sorry for walking away.
Oh dear God, I love you so much. I love you so much.”

Toni stood on the stairs, looking on with tears in her eyes.
The night before, sitting on the edge of the bed, she had watched Laura draw
trees of blue and orange and stick-figured people with curly hair and smiling
faces. She had looked on with amusement while Laura, determined to make the
cards appear as if written by a child, used her left hand to draw most, and
when Toni read the sentiments inside, she cried, for Laura had finally spoken
the words of her heart.

Catching Eleanor’s eye, Toni motioned toward the kitchen, and
with a nod, Eleanor quietly walked past the two people still hugging under the
mistletoe.

As Toni headed to the coffeepot, Eleanor wiped a tear from
her cheek. “Did you have anything to do with this?”

“No, it was Laura’s idea. She spent half the night writing
them...one for every year he missed,” Toni said, pouring herself some coffee.
“Do you want a cup?”

“Actually, if it’s all the same to you, what I’d really like
is a hug. That is, if you don’t mind.”

Toni put aside the coffee, and walking over, she wrapped her
arms around Eleanor. “I don’t mind at all, Eleanor. I don’t mind at all.”

***

Hearing the back door open, Toni smiled at Bill as he made
his way to the bench, and unlike the first time they had met outside for a
smoke, this time he didn’t ask before sitting down next to her.

“They’re going to start talking if we keep meeting like
this,” he said, pulling his pipe from his pocket.

“Sorry, Bill, you’re not my flavor.”

Grinning, he said, “Thanks for coming to morning service with
us.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You did rather well for it being so crowded.”

“What did you think I’d do? Run, screaming in terror?”

“Wasn’t sure,” he said with a shrug. “But those blue-haired
old ladies scare the shit out of me.”

Throwing back her head, Toni burst out laughing. Taking a few
moments to get herself under control, she said, “Thanks, I needed that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just a bit nervous about today. That’s all.”

“Oh? Can I ask why? It’s not like you haven’t met them all
before, and if you’re worried about Alice, don’t be. She won’t be here.”

“What? Why?”

“Dorothy called this morning while you and Laura were getting
ready for church. Alice decided that it was best that she spend the day alone
with her girls, so they had their Christmas celebration last night. Emma, her
oldest, is apparently asking a lot of questions and this will give Alice more
time to talk to her without all of us being around.”

“Shit,” Toni said under her breath.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for her not being here today.”

“Well, if it wasn’t for me—”

“If it wasn’t for you, none of us would know what kind of man
Ron is, and Alice
and
her children would still
be living with the son of a bitch.
You’re
the
reason they’re not.
You’re
the reason they’re
safe.”

Toni flinched, her eyebrows drawing together as Bill’s words
nestled into the crevices of her mind, and then Laura’s favorite phrase popped
into her head.
Give me a reason
.

How many times had Toni asked herself why? How many times had
she looked for the reason? Sitting alone in her cell, covered in bruises and
blood, she had talked to God. She had asked him so many times—why? Why her? If
she had made a left in her life, instead of a right, would things have been
different? Would a no instead of a yes have changed her path so drastically
that Alice and her children would have eventually felt the sting of Cameron’s
belt? Was this the reason Toni had been looking for, or only another question
that would never be answered? Is there really a reason for everything?

“Are you okay, Toni?”

“Huh?”

“You have an odd look on your face.”

“Oh, sorry…just thinking about something.”

“Should I ask?”

With a snort, Toni shook her head. “Not unless you want to be
confused.”

“Hey, you two, Dorothy and Bernard just pulled up,” Eleanor
called from the back door.

“We’re coming,” Bill said, tapping what remained of the
tobacco in his pipe into an empty planter. Offering his hand to Toni, he said,
“Come on, time to greet the family.”

Taking the last drag of her cigarette, Toni flicked it into
the planter and took his hand. “I’ve got nothing to fear, right?”

“That depends,” Bill said, looking her in the eye as she
stood up.

“On what?”

“On whether they brought Myles or left him at home.”

***

By the time Bill and Toni reached the front hall, Laura was
busy hanging up Dorothy’s coat while Eleanor carried bags filled with gifts
into the lounge.

“Merry Christmas, Dot,” Bill said, giving his niece a kiss on
the cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Bill,” she said, returning his affection.
“Merry Christmas, Toni.”

“Hi,” Toni said, and then running her fingers through her
hair, she sighed. “Um...I mean, Merry Christmas.”

Sensing the woman’s nervousness, Dorothy held out her hand
and smiled. “With all that went on the other day, I don’t believe we were ever
properly introduced. Dorothy Montgomery-Smythe.”

Pausing for only a moment, Toni shook the woman’s hand. “Toni
Vaughn.”