Emerge (21 page)

             
I reached up and tugged on his goatee. 

             
“I know. It’s hard
.  Sunday, ok?
Let’s just
count
down
to Sunday.”

             
He took my hand from his goatee and pressed my fingers to his lips and kissed them.
Even though I was trying not to I winced from him touching my wrist and he caught on instantly. His hardened eyes looked at me and I just looked down. I knew I had been caught.

             
He held my hand and pulled my sleeve up as softly as he could. He cleared his throat like he was trying to reign himself in and repeated the process with the other arm.

             
“When?” he demanded.

             
“Saturday.”

             
“Why?”

             
“Because I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut. I shouldn’t have said anything. But she basically said that I spent all of my money on myself. But I didn’t
.
I barely spend anything on myself.”
I was rambling.

             
“Wrong. It’s her fault. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. And for God’s sake Jenna, stop hiding these things from me.  I can handle it.”

             
“I know you can, but I can’t handle to see you angry like this.”

             
He rubbed his
raven short trimmed hair and blew out a breath.

             
“I’m not angry with you. You know that right? They just
…
”

             
“I know. I know. I won’t hide it again. Ok?”

             
He nodded and we spent a few minutes in silence.  He turned in his seat and was looking aggravated again.

             
“Go
,
Jenna, before I drive away,
‘
cause
that’s what I want to do.  I want to drive away and not bring you back.”

             
It somehow always shocked me how he wanted me with him
and wanted to protect me
all the time.  I had never known someone who wanted to be with me and around me because they wanted to.  The only people I knew wanted me around for what I could give them, or do for them
and if I didn’t, they didn’t want me around.  Even though it was still shocking, I was done questioning it.

             
“I love you. And it’s as hard for me to go as it is for you to let go.”

             
He put those warm, hardened–by- hard work hands on either side of my face and locked eyes with mine.

             
“You have no idea how much I love you
,
too.  Tomorrow
is Friday, so we have
three
days.”

             
“Yeah,
I’m gonna call you later ok?”

             
“You better.” He was smiling again and it was easier to leave if he was smiling. Not easy, but easier.

             
I went home and was relieved that I was alone.  I went to my room to change into some sneakers and retrieve my phone from under my mattress from where I hid it while it charged.  There was a plug behind my bed so it was a perfect place. 

             
I got it a
nd turned it on. I put it in my bag and went to the kitchen to see if there was something to eat.  There of course was nothing quick to make, so I left out early. I wal
ked under the freeway and over two
blocks to a Chinese place that sold $1 per entrée food.  I walked in and ordered a portion of chicken lo
mein
and a drink.  I saw down to eat it in one of the small booths. 

             
I ate slowly, enjoying the peace. I looked at the clock and it was past time for me to go. I threw my trash in the can on my way out and pulled my phone from my purse. 

             
He answered quickly and it startled me.

             
“Hello?”

             
“Hey, I’m walking to work.”

             
“I’ve been waiting for you to call.  They just called me in to work.  They are giving me some overtime.  I got some this weekend t
oo.
But I didn’t want to miss your call.  I’m in the car now, on my way.”

             
“Hey, don’t talk on the phone and drive.  I’m glad I got to talk to you but drive and be careful, ok?”

             
“OK, I will.  I’ll see you tomorrow baby.”

             
“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.  Sunday…”

             
He
sighed
a heavy sigh…
“Yeah Sunday.
Bye”

             
I hung up first.  I really didn’t want him driving and talking on the phone.

             
I had to walk/run to work so I wouldn’t be late.

             
I walked in and took up my usual duties.  It was a not busy at all so the store was really quiet.  I went to put the ordered sheet music in the store room when Mr. Cannon stopped me.

             
“Hey there
,
Little Lady, I just wanted to tell you that you’ve been doing a really good job and you’re a
Senior
right?”

             
“Thank you and yes, I graduate in a month.”

             
“Well congratulations and there might be some
thing extra in your paycheck   f
or a job well done and maybe a graduation gift.” He winked at me.

             
“Thank you, Sir.”

             
You could tell that this whole conversation was uncomfortable for him.  I think he had unbuttoned the cuff on his flannel shirt about 18 times during our 4 sentence conversation.

             
I tried to save him.

             
“
Ok, well, I’ve got to get going on these.  Thanks again.”

             
“No problem Little Lady, you get to work.”

             
I shuffled and st
acked sheet music for the next
two
hours.  I went to retrieve my bag and made my way out of the store.  I took my time walking the distance home.  I wished Carlos wasn’t working so I could call him but at the same time I was proud of him.  He was really just a hard working, nice, guy and it was amazing that he loved me. 

             
I got home and there was still nobody home.  I washed some of May’s new clothes that she had worn and then thr
own on the floor.  She now had
three
new pairs of shoes and I was grateful that they at least were buying her stuff in addition to themselves.  It gave me some relief because soon, I was not going to be here to take care of her.  The thought scared me and made me
depressed, but I had to live my own life and staying and taking care of her would simply be enabling her.

             
I took a shower and put some mousse in my hair to make sure it was extra curly for tomorrow. I put on my favorite black pajama bottoms
with the white stars and an old, grey, worn thin Batman t-shirt.
I was hungry, but there was nothing in the house that didn’t require defrosting or de-canning.

             
I decided to walk outside for a while and it cleared my head a little.  By the time I made it back inside I was ready to go to bed.  The house was still empty and I wondered if they had gotten a sitter for May or they were just keeping her out at all times of the night.  She didn’t have preschool on Fridays anyway, so I guess it was no big deal. 

             
I
crawled into bed after plugging my phone back in and read until I fell asleep. 

Chapter 17

             
The next morning I checked for May but there was no one in the house.  I got dressed and went to school.  I walked to my locker.   I came up the stairs and there he was in all of his glory.  He was wearing the outfit I saw him in the very first time and he was smiling at me already
, but he looked exhausted again as well
.  We collided in perfect unison and I relished in it.  It was if his embrace refilled my tank. I was running on fumes when I wasn’t with him.  Just sputtering along until I got to him.

             
We didn’t say anything.  I didn’t have any words and they were not necessary right now.  He was at a loss to because he didn’t utter a word as we stood together in the hall and let the world go on around us.  But it seemed like only seconds before the bell rang.   He placed his f
orehead against mine and said
,
“
two
days
.
”
I nodded;
it was the only thing I was capable of at the moment.

             
I went through my classes as usual.  Most of the teachers weren’t even teaching at this point as graduation was coming up and even if I skipped all of the finals, I still had good grades. 

             
I was making my way to third period when Carlos caught my elbow and pulled me to the side of the crowd.  I barely made it without being mauled. 

             
“Hey, I’m gonna leave. But I didn’t want to go without telling you.”

             
“Where are you going?” It was the middle of school for crying out loud.

             
“Work called on my cell. A guy got hurt today and
they need a fill in and I could use the overtime.”

             
“During school?
They know you go to school right?” I thought it was ridiculous.

             
“Yeah, but I’m 18 and even if I skip my grades won’t suffer.
I need the money, J.”

             
I mocked him by sticking my bottom lip out.

             
He ran his thumb over my lip and sighed like it hurt him.

             
“Don’t you do
that.
T
wo
days right?
Two
days and I get you all to myself.”

             
I groaned.

             
“Ok, go to work.
Sunday at noon, right?”

             
He smiled and it reached his eyes.
“Oh, I knew you’d give in. 
Yes, noon.”

             
“Just go.” I smiled to let him know that I was joking.

             
“OK, bye.” He pecked me on the forehead and was out of the hall before I knew it.

             
I whispered to no one
,
but me
,
“
Two
days”

             
I made it through the rest of the day and even though my Mom insisted on going, I was actually looking forward to shopping for my dress stuff tomorrow.

             
I got home and everyone was going about their business.  And apparently a food run had been made because there was a full scale meal made and the remains of it were on the stove and the counter. 

             
They were eating at the table and I thought I could get away with going to my room in peace. I was wrong.

             
“Jenna, I assume we’re going tomorrow in the late afternoon since you have to go to your little job, right?”

             
I rolled my eyes to her referral to my ‘little’ job.

             
“Yeah, I get off
work
at noon, so we can leave about
one
, is that ok?”

             
“Yeah…” She crooned.
“How exciting.”

             
I went to my room and did my homework.  Later in the middle of the night I snuck into the kitchen and ate some of the leftovers.  When my Mom cooked it was really good food.  I’d have to give her that. 

             
I woke up at the butt crack of dawn the next morning and went to
work. I worked until about eleven forty-five
and went to ask Mr. Cannon if he had my check since I didn’t work yesterday.