Dom X - The Complete Box Set: Alpha Male Romance (29 page)

I
'd been severely tempted
to let X take me back to the couch, to let him make me forget about everything else that was going on, but I had responsibilities that I couldn't put off any longer. And I had to admit that having X with me helped. I knew it was hard for him to walk out that door in his shorts and t-shirt, knowing that people were going to look at him, but the fact that he did it for me gave me strength.

With Tanner, I'd always known that he'd do anything for me, but nothing that we'd ever faced had forced him to sacrifice or face his fears. It wasn't that there'd been something wrong with Tanner, but knowing someone would do something, and actually seeing them do it were two totally different things.

Since Mom's car had been the one wrecked, and neither X nor I had rented a car, I called for a car. The moment we got inside, I felt X tensing up next to me. He didn't say anything as the driver turned around to ask where we were going. His eyes flicked to X, and then back to me when I told him where to go. He didn't say anything about X, or even keep staring, so when we got to the hospital, I made sure to give him a bigger tip than I normally gave.

X paused in front of the doors, his face pale. I reached over and took his hand, lacing my fingers between his. After a moment, he looked at me and nodded. We walked past the information desk toward the elevators, every step another victory. I knew that however much X was helping me, I was helping him. If we were back in Philadelphia, I probably would've taken this whole reintegration thing a little slower, eased him back into public with baby steps. Throwing him into it was harsh, but I found it also gave me something else to focus on, which helped.

It also made me realize something I hadn't before. I'd known Tanner loved me, but I'd never felt that he needed me. We'd enjoyed each other, loved each other, but it was different than what I felt for and from X. He didn't only want or need me sexually. It went deeper than that, and I hadn't realized just how much I'd needed it until now.

When the elevator doors closed, leaving us alone, I squeezed his hand. “How're you doing?”

He looked down at me and managed a smile that almost looked like a grimace. “I'm okay.”

He reached over with his free hand and brushed back some hair that had escaped from my ponytail. I almost leaned into his touch, but then the doors opened and we were on my parents' floor.

I waved to the nurses as I passed their station, and most waved in return. I didn't know any of them very well, but there were a couple I recognized. A few gave X second looks, but no one said anything. That wasn't surprising. X's injuries were far from the worst we'd seen. When we reached my parents' room, I stopped, something occurring to me that hadn't before.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, half-teasing. “Meeting the parents is a big step.”

He laughed quietly, and some of the tension in us both eased. “I think I can handle it if you can.”

Shit. X and I hadn't really even defined our relationship, and I was seconds away from introducing him to my parents. I didn't know what to call him.

“Breathe.” He kissed the top of my head. “No pressure, remember. You can just tell them that I'm the guy you moved across the country for.”

I laughed, and when I looked up, I saw a real smile on X's face. His expression was still strained, and I knew he was fighting his own battle, but he still smiled at me. He let go of my hand, moving his to the small of my back. His touch helped calm me, and together, we walked into my parents' room.

Both of them were awake, and, surprisingly, not fighting. Mom beamed when she saw me, and Dad actually smiled.

“It's good to see you, sweetheart,” Mom said.

“How're you feeling?” I asked as I came further into the room. X followed, his hand still on my back.

“Hurts like the dickens,” she said with a laugh that made her wince. “But they've given me some painkillers that take the edge off.”

“She won't take anything stronger,” Dad grumbled. “She's as stubborn as you are.”

I raised my eyebrows as I looked at him. “Well, I suppose that means I get it from both sides, because you're not exactly the most compliant person in the world.”

“Why don't you introduce us to your friend?” Mom said, ever the peacemaker.

“Mom, Dad, this is X.”

“Xavier Hammond,” he said, stepping out with his hand extended. “But I go by X.”

Mom shook his hand, her sharp eyes taking in everything. “You're the soldier from Philadelphia.”

X nodded. “Former soldier, ma'am, but yes. I'm from Philadelphia.” He turned to my father and took the hand with the splints, giving it a careful shake. “It's a pleasure to meet you both.”

“So polite.” Mom looked at me and I could see the question in her eyes.

I avoided the subject. “Have any of the doctors been in to see you?”

“One,” Dad said. “He said he needed to talk to you, but that we could get out of here today.” He scowled. “Not sure why he wants to talk to you. We're perfectly capable of making our own decisions.”

I didn't tell him it was because I told the doctor last night that getting either of my parents to agree to physical therapy was going to be tricky. They were so damn independent, always determined to do things the hard way.

“Xavier.” Mom changed the subject. “Were you the young man on the news who saved that boy from a warehouse fire?”

I tensed, glancing over at him, but he didn't even hesitate.

“Yes, ma'am.”

“Let me ask you the real question,” Dad said.

Oh shit. I really hoped this wasn't going where I thought it was going.

“Are you a damn Eagles fan?”

X laughed, and I relaxed. Since my parents hadn't asked about his scars and weren't staring at them, he seemed okay. They asked about his past, but didn't press when he gave general answers rather than specifics, and he became more and more at ease with their conversation.

I'd appreciated his coming with me for the strength he offered, but I hadn't stopped to consider the distraction. While he talked to my parents, I could mentally prepare for my upcoming discussion with both the doctor and them. I'd purposefully waited to think too much on this, but I knew if the doctor gave me the report I was pretty sure he was going to, I would need to have an uncomfortable discussion with these two.

Twenty minutes later, and it was time to have that talk. Dr. Finnes had confirmed what I'd already known. My parents wouldn't be able to care for themselves completely for at least a month, depending on how quickly my dad's shoulder healed, which meant probably closer to two months. And even after that, it would be slow going. They were going to need physical therapy for a while, especially my mom. They wouldn't be able to cook or clean. Mom definitely wouldn't be able to shower. Getting dressed would be hard for both of them. And work was out of the question for at least a few weeks. Dad would be covered by sick days and vacation days, but I wasn't sure if Mom would even have a job to get back to.

I sighed as I walked back into my parents' room. X glanced at me, concern on his face.

“I could use some coffee,” he said. “You want any?”

I shook my head. The sort of tired I was wouldn't be touched by caffeine. “Thanks.”

The look in his eyes told me that he knew I was thanking him for more than just his offer to get coffee. Part of me wished I could ask him to stay, but no matter what we said to each other last night, we hadn't made any real promises. He didn't owe me anything, and with my parents' recovery ahead, I didn't know what it would mean for the future.

“I spoke with the doctor,” I said, moving to stand between the beds so they could both see me. “And we've got a decision to make.” I gave them both stern looks. “Let me get all the way to the end before you start arguing, because I know neither one of you will like any of this.”

As I quickly went through the options, I could see them making lists of protests to each one, but they kept quiet, so there was that. With both of them out of commission, the options were limited, and none of them were appealing to all of us, but we didn't really have the luxury of turning them all down. A decision had to be made, and before we signed them out.

By the time X returned with the coffee, my parents and I had gotten things arranged, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I hated this. Hated what happened, and what I would have to do.

“I need to talk to you,” I said quietly. I glanced at my parents. Dad seemed oblivious, but Mom looked worried. I wondered how much she suspected about what was happening between X and me, but it didn't matter. I knew what I had to do.

“What is it?” X asked.

I gestured for him to follow me, and we made our way down the hall to a smaller hallway that led to an emergency exit. This wasn't a main traffic flow area, so it was a good place for a private talk.

“I can't go back to Philadelphia with you,” I said bluntly. “The only way this can work with my parents is if we all move back into my dad's place, and I take care of them. I'll have some help, but I can't expect some stranger to be there all the time, especially if they start fighting. They're my parents. My responsibility. And I can't ask you to wait around since I don't know how long I'll be here.”

I left that last sentence purposefully vague because I didn't want to make assumptions about our personal relationship. I couldn’t expect him to sit around, waiting for me indefinitely when we hadn't even decided what we were calling each other. The thought of losing him killed me, but I had to take care of my parents first.

As I watched, the light drained from his eyes, and his face hardened into that blank mask that he'd worn around me for so long.

“I understand,” he said, the words devoid of emotion.

A part of me wished he'd argue, get mad, say something to show me that he wanted to fight for me, but I understood what he was doing. This wasn't about me and Tanner, or about anything that happened between the two of us. This was my family. And he was trying to make it easy for me.

“I'm going to stop by the base,” he said, his eyes shifting away from mine. “My ticket's open-ended, so I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'll let you know before I go.”

I nodded, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. Tears burned my eyes and I looked down, not wanting him to see. He didn't say anything else, but I watched his shoes disappear from my line of sight, and heard him make his way back down the hall.

And just like that, I was alone again.

I
'd fully intended
to go to the base, see if there was any news about my former unit. I hadn't heard from Zed since he'd shipped out, but that didn't surprise me. He'd never been one of those guys constantly calling home as it was. If he was going to take the time to contact someone, it wouldn’t be me.

Except when I got out of the cab at the base, I realized I didn't want to be here. I knew there would be other soldiers there, maybe even ones I'd been friends with, maybe some who'd experienced similar injuries in the line of duty. But that was the rub. They would've been injured in combat, or training exercises at the very least. It wasn't the same, no matter how many times other people said that what I'd done was heroic.

I'd felt it with Snyder, and I knew that if I went on to the base, I'd feel it again. I needed to clear my head, and this definitely wouldn't do it. I started to walk, sticking to the shadows. Every time someone looked at me, I felt my heart speed up, my chest tighten. It wasn’t easy before, exactly, but whenever I'd found myself on the verge of it being too much, Nori had been right there. I'd gone to give her support, but her touch had done enough to keep the darkness back.

But she wasn't with me now, and it looked like she wouldn't ever be again. I'd had her for a few hours, and I knew that was more than a lot of people had. I supposed, at some point in the future, I'd be happy I had even that. Right now, however, all I could think about was how much losing her hurt.

I hadn't realized where I was going, or just how far I'd gone, until I looked up and saw the husk of a burnt-out warehouse.

I was back.

My mouth went dry and I leaned against the closest wall. I didn't trust my legs to hold me, not with the way my memories were bombarding me. Each one was like a physical blow. I hadn't realized just how much I actually remembered from that day, but being here was bringing it all back to me.

The first scent of smoke.

The people standing around, watching as I ran inside.

The first little body.

Making the choice to go back.

The heat, more extreme than anything I'd ever felt. Smoldering ashes burning my skin. Nothing even close to what would come later.

I closed my eyes. Dammit!

I hated this. Hated feeling weak and powerless. Hated the way the sight of this place could make me sick to my stomach.

I took a slow, deep breath and tried to focus on coming back to the present. Little by little, my pulse slowed, and the pounding in my head eased. I could breathe a little better, and when I pushed myself off the wall, my legs held me. I didn't look at the building again as I walked away. I didn't want to see it again. This part of my life was over.

I just had to figure out what the hell I was going to do now.

As soon as I could, I raised a hand to hail a taxi. The driver gave me a surprised look but didn't say anything. I wasn't entirely sure where to go. I hadn't lived anywhere in the city that wasn't on the base. Nori would be at her dad's apartment, wherever that was. I could go to a hotel until I figured out what was next, but I'd left my pack at Nori's mom's apartment. I didn't have a key, but Nori would probably go back at some point. I could, at least, leave her a note, let her know where to send my things.

I gave the driver the address and settled back into the seat. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and when I pulled it out, I saw the number for Father O'Toole's lawyer on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Xavier Hammond?”

“Mr. Rowan,” I said. I'd only spoken to him once before, but I had a pretty good idea of what he was calling about.

“I just received your message. You're out of the area for a while?”

“Yeah, San Antonio. I'm not sure how long I'll be here.”

“I can put off the official reading of the will until after the funeral,” he said. “But I wanted to know if you had a money manager you were bringing to the reading or if you needed names?”

I frowned. “Father O'Toole already signed the house over to me, along with the trust for it. Why do I need to bring someone with me?”

There was silence for nearly half a minute. “Did Father O'Toole discuss with you what he was leaving you?”

This was turning out to be a more interesting conversation than I'd thought it would be. “No, he didn't. I was just assuming.”

“Well, uh, it might interest you to know that, aside from the other property and a trust set up for its up-keep, Father O'Toole left everything to you.”

Everything? I knew he came from old money, but I'd never really thought about what that meant before.

“I'm also guessing that means you have no clue what that entails.”

“No,” I admitted. I was almost afraid to know. I'd had far too many life-changing things happen to me in the last couple days. I wasn't sure I could handle anything else.

“I don't have an exact figure,” he said. “But it's upward of half a billion dollars.”

There was a buzzing in my ears and I was pretty sure that meant I heard him wrong. Maybe half a million. That'd be more than I ever expected.

“Say again?”

He gave a soft chuckle. “Yes, Mr. Hammond. You heard me correctly. Billion, with a
b
.”

“Fuck,” I muttered. I caught the driver looking at me in the rearview mirror.

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” he said easily. “Would you like a list of people I can recommend to help you with things?”

“Yeah,” I said, but I was only half-listening. My brain, which had already been close to overload, had reached the tipping point. “Send me an email, and I'll take a look at it when I get back home. The funeral is supposed to be Saturday.” My heart twisted at the thought of saying goodbye to the only family I'd had left. Then it twisted even more when I realized I'd be doing it alone. “I'll be back by then.”

“I'll have it to you in a couple days. If you need anything else,” he said. “Give me a call.”

I put the phone back in the pocket of my shorts and turned to look out the window. I wasn't really seeing anything, but that was okay. I wasn't interested in where we were going as much as what was going on in my head.

Half a billion dollars. And that wasn't even taking into account that he'd given me the house and had a trust set up for its maintenance.

I had absolutely no clue what I was going to do with it.

The part of me that thought I didn't deserve anything wanted me to get rid of it. Donate all of it to some charity or other.

The part of me that was still afraid of the future, especially now that Nori was no longer part of it, wanted to take the money, take the house, and lock myself away from everyone and everything. I'd never have to worry about having to leave the house again. Never have to try to do this without Nori again.

Nori. Just the thought of her made the chaos start to settle. But with that came the pain of loss.

Could I even go back to the house in Philadelphia without her? Before, it'd been memories of my own past and my life with Father O'Toole that had filled that house, but now, there were memories of Nori everywhere. The kitchen where we'd talked. The rooms where we'd kissed. Where we'd...done more than kissing.

I wasn't sure I could spend my days locked away in a place that held so many ghosts.

I could move away. Take the money, and go somewhere without memories.

Without Nori.

And that was the real crux of the matter, I knew. All the money in the world, all the property, none of it mattered. I didn't want it because it didn't matter without someone to share it with. But not just anyone. I wanted her. Only her.

I'd have given up all of it just to have her. But that would never happen. Could never happen.

I looked up at the apartment building where Mrs. Prinz lived, where Nori and I had made love last night.

It could never happen.

Could it?

I leaned forward and asked the driver if he could help me.