Do Penguins Have Knees? (41 page)
Read Do Penguins Have Knees? Online
Authors: David Feldman
Holes
in barrels of cheap pens
in elevator doors
in fly swatters
in ice cream sandwiches
in needles and syringes
in pasta
in saltines
in thimbles
in wing-tip shoes
on bottom of soda bottles
recycling of, in loose-leaf paper
refilling of dirt
“Holland,” versus “Netherlands,”
Home plate, shape of, in baseball
“Honcho,”
Honey, spoilage of
Honey roasted peanuts, banning of, on airlines
Honking in geese during migration
“Honky,”
“Hoodwink,”
“Hoosiers,”
“Horsefeathers,”
Horses
measurement of heights of
posture in open fields
shoes
sleeping posture
vomiting
Hospital gowns, back ties on
Hospitals and guidelines for medical conditions
Hot dog buns
number of, in package
slicing of
Hot dogs, skins of
Hot water, noise in pipes of
Hotels
amenities, spread of
number of towels in rooms
plastic circles on walls of
toilet paper folding in bathrooms of
“Hotsy totsy,”
Houses, settling in
“Hue and cry,”
“Humble pie,”
Humidity, relative, during rain
Humming, power lines and
Hurricane, trees and
“Hurricanes” as University of Miami nickname
“Hut,” origins of football term
Hydrants, fire, freezing water in
Hypnotists, stage, techniques of
“I [capitalization of],”
“I could care less,”
“I” before “e,” in spelling
Ice
fizziness of soda
formation on top of lakes and ponds
holes and dimples in
in urinals
Ice cream
black specks in
cost of cones versus cups
pistachio, color of
thirstiness
Ice cream and soda, fizziness of
Ice cream sandwiches, holes in
Ice cubes
cloudy versus clear
shape of, in home freezers
Ice rinks, temperature of resurfacing water in
Ice skating, awful music in
Ice trays in freezers, location of
Icy roads, use of sand and salt on
Ignitions
automobile, and headlamp shutoff
key release button on
Imperial gallon, versus American gallon
“In like Flynn,”
“In the nick of time,”
Index fingers and “Tsk-Tsk,” stroking of
“Indian corn”
“Indian pudding”
“Indian summer,”
Indianapolis 500, milk consumption by victors in
“Inflammable,” versus “flammable,”
Ink
color of, in ditto masters
newspaper, and recycling
Insects
attraction to ultraviolet
aversion to yellow
flight patterns of
in flour and fruit
See also specific types
Insufficient postage, USPS procedures for
Interstate highways, numbering system of
Introductions in books, versus forewords and prefaces
Irish names, “O’” in
Irons, permanent press settings on
Ironworkers, backwards hard hat wearing of
Irregular sheets, proliferation of
IRS and due date of taxes
IRS tax forms
disposal of
numbering scheme of
“Italian” bread, versus “French”
Itching, reasons for
Ivory soap, purity of
“J” Street, Washington, D.C., and
“Jack [playing card],”
Jack Daniel’s and “Old No. 7,”
“Jack,” “John” versus
Jack-o’-lanterns, Halloween and
Jams, contents of
Japanese
baseball uniforms
boxes, yellow color of
flags, red beams and
Jars, food, refrigeration of opened
“Jaywalking,”
Jeans
blue, orange thread and
Levi’s, colored tabs on
origin of “501” name
sand in pockets of new
“Jeans [pants],”
“Jeep,”
Jellies, contents of
Jellies, grape, color of
Jell-O, fruit in
Jeopardy
, difficulty of Daily Doubles in
“Jerkers,”
Jet lag, birds and
“Jetsam,” versus “flotsam,”
“Jig is up,”
Jigsaw puzzles, fitting pieces of
Jimmies, origins of
“Jink,”
“John,” versus “Jack,”
Johnson, Andrew, and 1864 election
“Joshing,”
Judges and black robes
Judo belts, colors of
“Juggernaut,”
Juicy Fruit gum, flavors in
“K rations,”
“K” as strikeout in baseball scoring
Kangaroos, pouch cleaning of
Karate belts, colors of
“Keeping up with the Joneses,”
Ken, hair of, versus Barbie’s
Ketchup, Heinz, labels of
Ketchup bottles
narrow necks of
neck bands on
restaurants mating of
“Ketchup,”
“Kettle of fish,”
Keys
automobile, door and ignition
piano, number of
teeth direction
to cities
“Kidnapping,”
Kids versus adult goats
Kilts, Scotsmen and
Kissing
eye closure during
leg kicking by females
“Kit cat club,”
“Kit,” “caboodle” and
“Kittycorner,”
Kiwifruit in gelatin
Kneading and bread
Knee-jerk reflex in humans
Knives, dinner, rounded edges of
Knives, serrated, lack of, in place settings
Knobs versus handles, on doors
“Knock on wood,”
“Knuckle down,”
“Knuckle under,”
Knuckles, wrinkles on
Kodak, origins of name
Kool-Aid and metal containers
Kraft American cheese, milk in
“L.S.,” meaning of, in contracts
Label warnings, mattress
Labels on underwear, location of
Labels, food, lack of manufacturer street addresses on
“Ladybug,”
Ladybugs, spots on
Lakes
effect of moon on
fish returning to dried
ice formations on
versus ponds, differences between
versus ponds, water level of
wind variations
“Lame duck,”
Lane reflectors, fastening of
Large-type books, size of
Laryngitis, dogs, barking, and
Lasagna, crimped edges of
“Last ditch,”
“Last straw,”
Laughing hyenas, laughter in
Lawn ornaments, plastic deer as
Lawns, reasons for
“Lawyer,”
“Lb. [pound],”
Leader, film
“Leap year,”
Leather, high cost of
Ledges in buildings, purpose of
Left hands, placement of wristwatches on
“Left wing,”
Left-handed string players, in orchestras
Leg kicking by women while kissing
Legal-size paper, origins of
“Legitimate” theater, origins of term
“Let the cat out of the bag,”
Letters
business, format of
compensation for, between countries
Letters in alphabet soup, distribution of
Levi’s jeans
colored tabs
origin of “501” name
Liberal arts, origins of
Lice, head, kids and
License plates and prisoners
License plates on trucks, absence of
“Licking his chops,”
Licorice, ridges on
Life Savers, wintergreen, sparkling of, when bitten
Lightbulbs
air in
fluorescent, stroking of
halogen
high cost of 25-watt variety
in traffic signals
loosening of
noise when shaking
plinking by fluorescent
three-way, burnout
three-way, functioning of
wattage sizes of
Light switches, height and location of
Lighters, disposable, fluid chambers of
Lightning, heat
Lights in freezers
“Limelight,”
Lincoln, Abraham, and Andrew Johnson
Linens, unpleasant smell in
Lions, animal trainers and
Lips
black, on dogs
upper, grooves on
Liquids as treatment for colds
Liquor, proof and
Liquor distilleries during Prohibition
Lizards
eyes during sleep
sunburn and
“Lobster Newburg,”
Lobsters
ambidexterity of
color of, when boiled
