Disasterology 101 (38 page)

“In two hundred feet turn right on Veteran’s Boulevard, then keep right.”

The disembodied instructions from the navigation system interrupted him, but going by the hasty way in which Cedric retrieved his hand there was no doubt he’d heard Kevin.

They both remained silent for a few minutes, and Kevin wasn’t all that surprised when Cedric pulled over in the middle of Veteran’s Boulevard. It was more than obvious something was bothering him, and he wasn’t the type of guy to mull things over.

“What is this about?” Cedric asked. He put the SUV in park, but he didn’t make eye contact. “Are you concerned for my mental health, or are you having second thoughts about introducing me to your family?”

Kevin groaned.

Leave it to Cedric to hit the nail on the head at first try.

“Both,” he admitted. “Ava hugs everybody. She’ll grab your face. She’ll do her best to get you to pick her up, and if you refuse you’ll hurt her feelings. She’ll cry for days. We’re working on getting her to stop doing that. Then there’s the fact I only came out to my wife a few weeks ago. The kids have no idea I like men.”

“What do you think I’m going to do?” Cedric interjected. “Shove my tongue down your throat in front of your children?”

Kevin flinched at Cedric’s tone. It was dripping with derision, and with good reason. “Of course not,” he mumbled.

“Is it the way I look?”

“No!” He rubbed his face and turned to look at Cedric. “Well, that’s part of it, if you want me to be honest. See, we—Wait,” he demanded when Cedric moved to put the SUV in drive. “Let me explain.”

Cedric gripped the steering wheel hard enough to break it, and he refused to look at Kevin. “There’s no need.”

“Yes, there is,” Kevin insisted. “I think you look amazing,” he said, because there was no way Cedric wasn’t listening. “I love the hip hop style on you. It suits you. I really dig the whole incongruity between who you really are and how you look, but as you very well know, there’s a… reputation… associated with that style.” Cedric remained quiet, and Kevin glared at him, quickly growing upset over the guy’s slightly childish behavior. “You know who else likes your type of clothes? My son. TK would love to wear hoodies three sizes too big for him, and pants hanging down his ass, but we don’t let him. This is a small town, and we don’t want people thinking he’s a delinquent. Can you understand that?”

Cedric nodded.

“I’m also worried about Jenny’s reaction to you.”

“To me, or did you mean to say my clothing?”

Cedric’s whisper sent chills down Kevin’s spine. And, as if the words weren’t shocking enough, that’s also the moment when he decided to look in Kevin’s direction.

He wished Cedric hadn’t.

His pretty brown eyes glittered with what Kevin thought was a combination of anger and disappointment, and it hurt.

Fuck me, man.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Kevin meant to ask, but he sounded like he’d just issued an order.

“Like what?” Cedric’s lips barely moved, but he didn’t seem to be as upset anymore.

“Like all of a sudden you don’t know me from squat.” He tried to keep his tone low and soft, and somehow managed to sound as if he was begging. Hell, maybe he was. “Like you feel let down.” He rubbed his face one more time, and looked at Cedric straight in the eye. “I’m a little anxious. I didn’t think I’d be bringing anyone near my family so soon, and I don’t know what to expect so please, would you cut me some slack already? I can’t deal with your hurt feelings on top of everything else right now.”

“Tell them we’re just friends,” Cedric suggested after a few seconds. “That’s all they need to know for now.”

Friends.

As opposed to what? Casual lovers? Possible boyfriends? Kevin didn’t know, but Cedric’s words implied they were… more.

He liked that.

“Jenny will figure out we’re together.”

“Do you care if she does?”

Although he was worried, and so tense he was bound to snap any second now, Kevin smiled at Cedric and caressed his jaw. The guy was visibly insecure, and there was no reason for that. “I don’t.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“More than my ex-wife, Jenny’s the mother of my children and my friend, and she’ll always be a very important part of my life.” Kevin didn’t know what would happen between him and Cedric, or where their relationship was headed, and it wasn’t the time to figure it out, but allowing misunderstandings so early in the game wasn’t an option. “That’s all it is, though. I don’t need her permission to be with anyone.”

“What about her approval?”

Huh.

Smart boy.

Kevin took a moment to analyze his feelings. He didn’t want lies between them any more than he wanted misunderstandings, and it was only fair he gave a well thought out, honest answer.

“No,” he said after a few minutes of soul-searching under Cedric’s watchful eyes. “She knows me well enough that she should trust my judgment.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

Kevin wasn’t surprised by the continued questions. He’d noticed Cedric needed reassurance some times. Whether it was related to his condition or a personality trait wasn’t important. Kevin didn’t mind giving it to him, and that’s all that mattered.

He lifted Cedric’s hand, and kissed his gloved fingers softly. “Then that’s her problem.”

They remained quiet while Cedric probed him with his burning gaze. Kevin could actually feel the intensity of his concentration, buzzing like electricity as Cedric pondered his answer.

Kevin didn’t flinch or look away. He spoke from the heart. He had nothing to hide.

“All right, then,” Cedric finally said. “Let’s go get your children.”

“All right, then,” Kevin repeated. “Let’s do this.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Cedric wiped his forehead on his arm, cranked up the air conditioner, and glanced at the clock on the dashboard.

12:56 a.m.

He had forty-nine minutes left to pick up Kevin’s kids, drop them off at the train station where Kevin’s truck was parked, and get back to his flat without losing his bearings in the middle of the highway.

His heart beating a thousand times a minute, Cedric put his SUV in drive, and followed the navigation system’s directions to the hospital.

12:58 a.m.

He hadn’t been so scared since the night he decided to disclose his mental illness to Kevin.

12:58 a.m.

Still
.

Cedric had been doing a great job with cognitive restructuring. He’d been able to modify his mindset significantly in several aspects of his usual behavior, but so far his exposure therapy had not included children. It’d been months since Cedric had been around his nieces and nephews, and back then he’d been so terrified of their spit, drool, runny noses, and sticky fingers, that he’d left the room within three minutes of their arrival.

12:59 a.m.

He didn’t think he was strong enough to deal with Kevin’s kids, and the germs they carried. He wasn’t ready for that.

“Re-label, reattribute, refocus, revalue,” he muttered the four steps of cognitive behavioral self-treatment under his breath. “I don’t have anything against kids… It is not me or the kids. It’s just a medical disorder… I’m not scared of kids… this thought is an obsession… germs will kill me… no, they won’t… false message from my brain… false… false… I’m not barmy… It’s not me. It’s my OCD….”

He was sweating his arse off. He wiped the bridge of his nose with the back of his hand.

Get it together, you bloody twat
.

1:00 a.m.

He wasn’t going to make it back to his flat.

“Shift attention and refocus … three kids… three is safe… safe… I’ll be brilliant… no danger… three is safe... germs won’t kill me… three is—”

Kevin’s hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his litany.

“How can I help?” he asked softly as he curled his fingers around the back of Cedric’s neck.

Cedric glanced at his lover. He was tense, and extremely worried about the outcome of showing up at the hospital with another man. But he also looked understanding, and willing to work through whatever issue Cedric was facing at the moment.

He almost broke down, and sobbed in relief. There were no words that could possibly describe how much Kevin’s support meant to him.

“Can I come to your place with you?” Cedric asked quietly. His weakness mortified him to no end, but he wasn’t ashamed to ask Kevin for help. “I’ll need some down time after being around the kids. I could find a hotel, but I’d rather stay near you,” he rushed to explain. “I’ll do my best to not freak out in front of them, but I’ll be affected by it. I know I will be, and it’d be reckless for me to drive right away.”

“Yes, of course you can come with me,” Kevin said. “You can stay as long as you need.”

“Thank you, pet.”

“Is that why you brought bed sheets? Because you knew you might have to stay somewhere?”

When the hospital came into view Cedric swallowed hard, and squeezed his own thigh. “It pays to be prepared.” His voice sounded as shaky as he felt.

“You don’t need a hotel when you’ve got me.” Kevin leaned over, and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll take care of you.”

I know.

Amazing how he could take the time to reassure Cedric even when he was worried out of his mind.

I don’t deserve you.

Bloody hell, you could do so much better.

“Thank you,” Cedric said again.

I want to be with you forever.

I can’t get it up.

Will you still be with me?

I think I’m in love with you.
“Oh, Jesus,” he whimpered.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.”

Cedric rubbed his face.

I’m in love with you, and I’ll be gutted if you don’t feel the same way about me.

“That’s them out there.” Completely oblivious about Cedric’s newest emotional turmoil, Kevin pointed at a blonde woman waiting by the emergency room doors with two older kids, and a little girl in her arms. “Pull up to the curb. We aren’t staying long, and I don’t think security will give us any trouble this late.”

“Okay…”

Kevin rolled down the window and waved. It took a few seconds for her—Jenny—to catch on and realize it was her former husband inside Cedric’s SUV, but she finally waved back. Two seconds later Cedric pulled up in front of her.

“Here we are,” he whispered.

Kevin squeezed his hand. He probably meant to be reassuring. It didn’t work.

“Come meet my kids, babe.”

Cedric tugged his lip ring, held his breath, and followed Kevin out of the car.

It was hate at first sight between Cedric and Jenny Morrison.

No. Not hate. Hate was too strong a word. She looked downright hostile, though.

Animosity then… or maybe it was his imagination…

No.

The moment he got out of his SUV she perused him from head to toe, and wrinkled her nose in disgust. Or was that disapproval? Either way, it was obvious she wasn’t happy. Cedric was highly aware his hair and clothes never made a good first impression, plus going by what Kevin told him she was already predisposed against his style, but he didn’t believe for a second his look was the problem. That wasn’t simple aggravation gleaming in her eyes. She looked more like a scorned woman.