Back to December (Ward Sisters Book 1) (39 page)

Em was nearly packed when she heard Rob arrive. “Emily!? Are you here? Em? Oh, Liam. Good. Is she here? Brian said you guys left the party early. What happened? Where is she?”

“I don't think you should go in there right now, Rob.”

“What are you talking about? Get out of the way, Liam.”

“No, Rob. You might be my boss, but my job is to protect
her
.”

“Not from me! You've never had any reason to protect her from
me
, Liam. It's not like I've ever done anything to hurt her.”

“I don't think she wants to see you right now.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Why wouldn't she want to see me?”

Em stepped into the living room with her suitcases in tow. “It's okay, Liam,” she sniffed. “Can you take these to the car? I'll meet you there.” Liam nodded and left.

Rob stepped toward her. “Emily,
what
is going on? What happened at that party? And where are you going?”

Em put up her hands to keep him away. “I'm leaving. I'm going home.”

“What? Why? You don't leave until tomorrow. Don't you want one more night together?” He reached for her again.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don't think that's a good idea, Rob.”

Rob shook his head, confused. “Why? It's going to be a couple of weeks before we can see each other again. Don't you want one last night?”

“No, Rob. I don't. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. Not in two weeks, not ever.” She tried not to cry again.

“What the hell is going on? What are you talking about? Are you breaking up with me?” Despite how she wanted to feel, it pained her to see him so upset.

Emily took a deep breath. “Yes.”

He was clearly shocked. “What? I don't understand! What happened at that party, Em?”

She shook her head. “It doesn't matter, Rob. It's over.”

“It
does
matter! We were perfectly happy before we went to that party and now you're telling me that it's over. Something happened!” He was frantic.

“Were we perfectly happy? Or was that the script you wrote for me?” The anger returned.

“Emily, you are not making
any
sense to me. I have no idea what you're talking about.” Rob shook his head, appeared confused. She wouldn't be manipulated.

“Your Cinderella story, Rob. Take the pretty girl to the ball and make her a princess for a night. Wine her and dine her and make her feel like she's the most beautiful, special girl in the world so that she'll do whatever you want.”

“You
are
the most beautiful, special girl in the world. And I
never
asked you to do anything you didn't want to do. Never. All you ever had to say was no, to anything and everything. And where did you get this Cinderella idea? You're the one who said I helped wake up the girl you used to be! That we were a fairy tale. That wasn't my idea. That wasn't about me, that was about you. I gave you outs from the beginning, Em. And I was always glad when you still wanted to be with me.”

“Of course. Because then your plan worked. I bought into the whole shebang. You even had all your staff fool me, make me think you were some sensitive soul, unlucky in love, still hurt from the debacle with Lola, who refused to date until he met the love of his life: me.”

“No one was fooling you, Em. You
are
the love of my life. I don't want to be without you. Please don't go. Whatever happened at that party, we can get past it.”

“What do you mean, Rob? Did something happen? Like, I don't know, you cheated on me?” His lips on Rachel's flashed in her mind and fueled her anger.

“I didn't cheat on you! I'd never cheat on you!”

“Really? Well, that's good. Because I guess that absolves me from being a cheater for kissing you when I was still with Josh.”

He said nothing for a moment, which confirmed that Em was right – he had kissed Rachel.

“I don't know what you think happened at that party, but whatever you
think
it was, you're off base.”

“Am I? Do you think that being in a relationship makes a difference for your chance to win an Oscar?”

“What? No. There are people who believe that, but I don't.”

“Funny, you weren't nominated for anything before you met me, and then you got a surprise Oscar nod when you didn't get one for the other major awards. You're saying there's no connection? That your publicity team didn't concoct this relationship with me to get you more attention, to make you more appealing to the Academy voters by giving you a nice, stable, non-Hollywood relationship? I mean, after your last two high-profile Hollywood romances, you had a reputation for being a cad. I'm sure that made it hard to get women to work with you. Enter the naïve girl from outside the industry and poof! You're suddenly an upstanding guy that, look! Someone outside Hollywood can love. It must be
real.
He must be turning a new leaf, able to take his acting seriously. Oh look! He's done some great work. Let's honor him for it now that he's a serious actor and not just another pretty face.”

She spit the last bit at him, furious when she reiterated the concept. Whether more angry at him or herself for buying it, she didn't know.

“You can't honestly believe that, Em. I love you. I would never have done that to you.
Never
. I don't care about the awards enough to hurt you like that.”

“Didn't you tell me that you cared more about the work and the accolades than the fame? Well, doesn't winning an Oscar get you both? I can't say I blame you. It's the ultimate achievement in your field. I understand ambition. I guess I can't fathom caring so little about other people that you'd do whatever it takes, no matter who it hurts, to get what you want.”

“I never did anything to hurt you intentionally. If I've hurt you, it wasn't on purpose. Just tell me what I did! I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you!”

“You can't! You can't make it up to me. You made a fool of me. All this time, I thought I was dating Rob Deacon, but I was sleeping with Deac Roberts, giving the performance of a lifetime.”

Tears filled Emily's eyes and she bit her lip. She couldn't cry.

Not now.

“No. No, that's not true. I meant everything I ever said to you, Emily. I have
never
, in my life, loved anyone or anything the way I love you.
Please
don't do this. I can't be without you. I can't breathe without you.” He had started to cry. He knew he was losing the battle. “Please, Em. Please don't leave me.” The last part was said with a whimper.

She shook her head. “That, that is
exactly
what got to me, Rob. The sweet, kind, geeky boy inside the movie star's body only ever really made sense because you were
so
insecure about
every little thing
. Well, you played it,” she said through the tears that came unbidden, “perfectly. Because I bought it, hook, line and sinker. But no more. I won't be used anymore.”

“I wasn't using you!” His voice, his eyes were pleading for her to believe him. If only she could.

“It doesn't matter. I can't do this. Even if you didn't use me – and I don't believe that – I used you. I wanted you to help me destroy my relationship with Josh and get my mother to stop trying to make me marry someone I didn't love. You made me think I was in love with you, so it helped sell the story to my family.”

“You're not saying you don't love me. I
know
you love me.” He cried in earnest, now.

Emily's breath hitched. “I don't love you. I never...loved you. It's over, Rob. Let it go. Let me go. I have to get out of here. I have a flight to catch. Goodbye,” she sobbed.

She thought he might try to stop her. A part of her wanted him to stop her, to pull her into his arms, to kiss her and make her forget the past several hours. To take her to bed and to make love to her until she changed her mind. But he just stepped aside, head down and sobbed.

“I love you, Emily! Please, please, I'm begging you, don't leave!” he cried as she walked out the door. She could hear his knees hit the floor as the door shut behind her.

Liam waited in the car. He started the engine, and Emily had a small hope that when he heard the car start, Rob would run out and try to get her to stay.

But he didn't.

“Just go. Please, just go,” she begged.

Liam said nothing. He shifted the car into gear while Em sat in the passenger's seat, wracked with sobs. She cried harder than she ever had in her whole life.

It felt like something had been ripped out of her body and she didn't know how she'd ever survive this. She nearly asked Liam to turn around, nearly told him to go back, she had made a mistake. She should have listened to Liam when he said that Rachel was a liar and a manipulator.

But she didn't. Her mother's, Annie's and Josh's words echoed in her head.

Emily, what have you done? I thought I raised you better than this! Cheating on poor Josh? With that...that Lothario Deac Roberts? Don't confuse sex with love, Emily. That never ends well.

You're telling me that he's more than just a pretty face and big bank account?

Keep telling yourself that. Keep telling yourself that how you've changed has nothing to do with him and his fame. He'll break your heart.

She couldn't go back, keep shaming her family, playing the game. Because, eventually, he'd break her heart. And she had to walk away before that happened.

Even if it killed her to do it.

Emily flew home alone across the country, more miserable than she had ever been in her life. It took an entire day and forced her to make two stops along the way. Her last-minute ticket change meant that she had to take whatever flight she could get, and this one left at 6:10 am, took her through Vegas and Philly and didn't get back to Portland until almost 7 p.m. She cried the entire trip, though she did her best to be as quiet about it as possible. Not that the red eyes or sniffles wouldn't have been a big clue to anyone inclined to look her way.

LAX had been the absolute worst. Em hid from the photographers and onlookers in the bathroom. She checked all her bags except the absolute essentials she'd need when she got home, just in case they didn't make the long trip with her. The run to the gate at the last second was easier when all she had was her purse.

She could have had Liam there for companionship, to protect her from the horde, because he had planned to come. But she refused him. Even thought Liam was a good friend, she couldn't be constantly reminded of her failure. It was easier to cut ties at the airport.

Em had hours to think about what had happened. She felt stupid to believe fairy tale love was remotely possible. Rob had duped her. Emily should have known. She'd watched him on that stage and he was magnificent in person, could just wow an audience. As if she didn't know that even from the first night. She was dazzled by him before she knew who he was. How could it be a shock that he was good enough to convince her that he really loved her?

And it wasn't just Rachel. Hadn't Lola claimed it, too? That Em would be around until Rob went to his next set?

They both indicated that he was fickle, inclined to fall quickly in and out of love. Rob had said he was celibate for those three years after Lola, but how could she know one way or another? His family had closed ranks around him then. They'd never have let personal details emerge and Rob had said that there had been rumors. Some of them may have been true. What was it he said to her that first night? That she wouldn't believe he was dating his last co-star?

Rachel was right, she had been the perfect choice to play the role. Em wasn't into celebrity and wouldn't be enamored by it, would never guess the role she was playing because she wasn't jaded. She was just the kind of girl that the romantics in Hollywood and the public at large would believe could tame a Casanova like Deac Roberts.

It had been the right thing to do, to end it before she shamed herself or her family any further.

Hadn't it?

By the time she landed at the Jetport, Em had cried so much and the flight had been so long that her eyes were dry and she could hardly blink. She trudged her way through baggage claim, slogged over to the parking garage, chucked her suitcases in the Civic and plunked down in the driver's seat with her head on the steering wheel. She needed a place to go. She wasn't ready to face her friends at work yet. She had originally intended to fly direct to New York and she needed a buffer. Going to Andrea's house was out. The best solution, the only one that made sense, was Meg.

Em pushed 3 on her speed dial and Meg answered on the first ring. “Oh, my God, Em, I've been waiting for you to call. Is it true? Did you two break up?”

“How the hell did you know that?” Emily asked before it registered. Of course. Like it would stay private. “What, did he release an official statement?”

“No. Nothing from his camp, not a word. But the gossip sites are buzzing. Is it true?”

Emily started to cry. “Yes.”

“Where are you?”

“The Jetport,” she said through tears.

“Get over here. I'll make the margaritas. And drive carefully, okay?”

“Okay.”

She couldn't recall the drive to Meg's house in Gorham, but soon Emily pulled into the driveway. Before she could step out of the car, Meg opened the house door, shoved her feet into boots and ran out to hug her wearing a short-sleeved shirt and yoga pants.

“Oh, Em. I'm so, so sorry. Let's get your bags a little later. Come inside. You can tell me about it now or later, but you need a drink. I made the margaritas with the good stuff.”

Meg linked her arm with Em's and they carefully walked down the icy path to the house. Her best friend supported her the way only a best friend can.

Emily cried the whole first evening. She couldn't function otherwise. Meg supplied booze, but Em pretended to sip it. She wasn't hungry and drank water only because Meg threatened to either drag her to the ER or call her mother if she didn't. When she took a hot shower until the water ran cold, all it did was make her think of the showers she took with Rob and she sobbed some more.

The next morning when she woke up exhausted, Em smelled bacon and coffee and for a moment, she thought that she might be in Malibu. That maybe, just maybe, it was the day after the Globes and she had been having a nightmare.

But the sheets were all wrong – a soft flannel instead of high-end Egyptian cotton. The bed was too small – a queen, not a king – and her toes froze when she moved her feet outside the covers. There was no soothing sound of surf pounding the shore, no smell of salt air or Rob's woodsy scent mingled with her perfume on the pillows. She began to cry again in earnest.

No, it was real.

Meg dragged her out of bed and made her eat and have a cup of coffee. Then she forced Em to repack her things so she could head to New York. Work, unfortunately, was not going to wait for her broken heart to heal. Her best friend made Emily promise to call every single day and to talk as soon as she was ready to do so, no matter the day or time. And Meg confessed that she was going to tell Charlie, even if Em wasn't ready to discuss it with her family. Em just nodded her assent. Charlie might as well know.

Worried that she was still too out of sorts, Meg refused to let her drive back to the airport. She promised to pick up Em upon her return and said she'd fly down to New York if Em needed that. Emily felt like the best thing, now, would be to throw herself back into work and to focus on that instead of everything else. Maybe, just maybe, she could get over it. Whether that meant getting over the sense of betrayal or Rob, she wasn't yet sure.

As the plane departed for LaGuardia, Em sighed and tried not to think about it all, but her brain wouldn't shut off. When the pilot gave the okay, she turned on her iPod, but that made her more sad when Pink's
Don't Let Me Get Me
blared into her ears on shuffle. Rob had caught her singing and dancing to that song the day they made dinner for his parents.

She forwarded to the next song and
The Way You Look Tonight
played. She didn't dare chance it and end up with
Lady In Red
on the random playlist – she knew it would crush her faster than anything else. So she shut off the music and sat there, head against the window, and wished the plane would just arrive in New York City, where she could be anonymous as often as possible when she wasn't working.

The city promised necessary relief.

Unfortunately, Emily had copious amounts of free time. She had two events to cover – the opening of a new exhibit on Abstract Expressionism and a visit to a Fluxus exhibit as a companion piece to the event at the Walker. At the time she had accepted the assignment, it seemed like a great idea. Now, it was a painful reminder of her time in Minnesota and of the days in San Francisco. Em had to wait until later in the week to attend the opening and it left too much time on her hands to think.

What kind of fool had she been to believe that a man like Rob would really want her? Wasn't that what Rachel had said? Hadn't Emily told him the same thing on Christmas? He played her like a fiddle.

Right?

Except, when she thought about that conversation, it had been too organic to be planned. Sure, he could have been improvising, but from what she could tell, Rob's acting strength lay in his ability to quickly memorize lines and then infuse them with the personality of the character. She couldn't say if he was good at improv, since she had never seen him do it.

But he was very charismatic. Although, she had always believed that was influenced by his honesty and self-deprecation. What did Liam say? He thought he was the geek at the cool kids' table. Kelly had said he didn't believe what he saw in the mirror. Em could believe that Rob's family might have protected him, might have done as he asked.

But not Liam.

It was almost harder to walk away from her friend than it was to end things with Rob. She was angry with Rob, had felt duped by him. But Liam, she believed he was a true friend. He had always been honest with her. He had been, in every way that mattered, like a brother. No, him she didn't envision fooling her. So, either he had been kept in the dark, or else she was wrong about what had happened with Rob. And Em couldn't imagine Liam unaware even if they hadn't told him.

By his own account, Liam had been friends with Rob since college. He was, in fact, probably Rob's closest friend aside from Rick, perhaps even one of his only real friends. Yet, Emily couldn't imagine Liam being so loyal to Rob that he would destroy her, that he would not only let her think Rob was in love with her, but would encourage her to believe in it. In the beginning, Liam had constantly reassured her that Rob's feelings were genuine. And after how he stepped in front of Rob and told his friend that he might be the boss, but Liam's job was to protect Emily, she couldn't conceive of her friend knowingly letting her be snowed at any time.

The only logical conclusion was that she had been wrong. That she had let her pain and confusion over the kiss with Rachel override all she knew in her heart to be true.