A Merry Little Christmas (24 page)

Cat rolled up the large version and put it in her rucksack, before tucking the smaller version in her purse.

‘What a hoot,’ she said. ‘See, I told you Montmartre was romantic.’

‘That was amazing,’ agreed Mel. ‘I can’t believe he did such a great picture of us.’

‘Don’t tell Dad how much it cost,’ said Cat.

‘Your secret’s safe with me,’ laughed Mel, and Cat sat back feeling relaxed and happy. For the first time in a long while, she felt as though she had her daughter back.

‘So how are you finding things, Dan?’ Mr Sheen the neurologist looked at him sympathetically and smiled comfortingly at Pippa.

Pippa loved coming in to see Mr Sheen. In the last few months since Dan’s accident, he seemed to be the one person who she felt she could utterly rely on for common sense and good advice. He was so calm and unflappable. She felt like she was in a big soothing bath when in his presence. He seemed to wash all her troubles and fears away. And the good thing was Dan usually listened to what Mr Sheen had to say, something he had more or less given up doing with her when it came to his health.

Pippa looked at Dan expectantly. He always looked awkward in Mr Sheen’s office. He was so tall and broad shouldered, the uncomfortable plastic NHS chairs were too small for him, and now he was physically better at least, he looked so out of place there.

Pippa had fully expected Dan to gloss over things; in previous visits, he’d always put a brave face and positive spin on any problems they were having. But to her surprise, he blurted out, ‘Not that great actually. I mean, I’m fine. Of course I am. But every time I go on the field, I feel sick and dizzy. I get terrible flashbacks and feel rigid with terror. It’s pathetic I know. And it makes me so angry with myself. I’m no bloody use to anyone in this state.’

Oh God. Pippa had had no idea that he was feeling like that. She leant over and held his hand. To her relief, he didn’t push her away.

‘And when you get angry …?’ Mr Sheen prompted gently.

‘I lash out,’ said Dan, looking ashamed. ‘At Pippa. At the boys. Christ, even at Lucy. I can’t explain it. It’s just this … this
rage
. It comes out of nowhere. I can’t seem to do anything about it. I don’t even know what I’m raging about.’

‘I see,’ said Mr Sheen. ‘And Pippa, what do you feel about it?’

‘I’d agree with Dan,’ Pippa said. ‘I didn’t know he was getting flashbacks, you didn’t say,’ she said, turning to Dan, ‘but he does get terrible mood swings. He never used to have them, before the accident.’

‘Well let me reassure you, that this is perfectly normal,’ said Mr Sheen. ‘Your brain has been through quite a trauma, and despite your brilliant progress over the last few months, you’re not out of the woods yet.’

‘And what about the anger I feel?’ said Dan.

‘It is possible that you’ve undergone something of a personality change, hence the rages.’

‘You mean, this – this could be permanent?’ Dan looked horrified.

‘It could be,’ said Mr Sheen, ‘but it might not. I’m going to send you for another MRI scan, just to see if there are any substantive changes. And I think you should go back on the antidepressants you were taking in hospital. I’m also going to suggest you have some counselling for your PTSD.’

‘What?’ said Pippa. ‘I thought only soldiers suffered from post-traumatic stress.’

‘Anyone who’s been through trauma can suffer from it,’ said Mr Sheen. ‘Dan here has had a very nasty and unnerving experience. In the first euphoria of him surviving the accident, it’s possible none of you took on board the horror of what Dan’s been through. I can prescribe some stronger sleeping tablets to help the nightmares, if you like.’

‘Thanks,’ said Dan. ‘That would be great.’

‘You’ve a long way to go, Dan, but you will get there in the end, especially with Pippa’s help,’ said Mr Sheen. ‘Your support is going to be crucial, Pippa, but I’m sure you know that anyway.’

‘Of course,’ said Pippa, but her heart sank at the thought. Dan needed her, of course he did. But who was going to support
her
?

‘So, big day, today,’ Noel said cheerfully, as Mel came downstairs uncharacteristically early. Her face looked thin, but Noel was right, she was putting on weight. God, Cat had a sudden worrying thought – despite her denials, could Mel be pregnant? Although Cat knew she’d had her period recently. Maybe it was just too much sitting around since she hadn’t been at school that was causing the weight gain. Now wasn’t the time to ask; Mel seemed preoccupied and barely responded to Noel. She looked pale and peaky, and actually quite nervous.

‘Do you want me to drive you into school?’ offered Cat, thinking it might help.

‘Nah, it’s okay,’ said Mel, ‘I’m getting the bus with Karen.’

‘Resits, resits,’ called James from the lounge.

‘Not helpful, James,’ said Cat.

‘What are resits?’ asked Ruby.

‘What Mel’s going to be doing,’ said James.

‘Yes, but what are they?’ asked Ruby.

‘Taking exams again, because you’ve failed them, for retards like Mel who don’t do any work,’ said James.

‘Don’t say retard,’ said Cat automatically. ‘And don’t be mean to your sister. That’ll be you in two years’ time. And from what I’ve seen so far of your efforts at school, you don’t have anything to boast about, buster.’

As far as Cat could tell James would happily go to school and play football all day long, never seemed to have any homework, and managed to somehow produce good grades by the skin of his teeth. But even he would have to learn what hard work was once the GCSE courses started. The trouble was, the success of the latest cookbook had made him think exams weren’t all that vital to success. Which was partly true, of course.

‘I did work, actually,’ said Mel, shooting James a filthy look, but otherwise being uncharacteristically quiet.

‘Best of luck, sweetheart,’ said Cat giving her a hug. ‘Whatever happens, it doesn’t matter, Dad and I will support you.’

‘Thanks,’ said Mel, looking faintly surprised.

‘So you’re going to be taking her down the dole office happily, are you?’ said Noel, after she’d gone.

‘I don’t think it’s
that
bad,’ said Cat. ‘But what was I meant to say? We know she could have worked harder, so there’s no point getting upset about it now. We just need to focus on getting it right next time.’

‘It would be better if she hasn’t cocked it up in the first place,’ said Noel.

‘True,’ said Cat. ‘And maybe we’re being unfair on her. Maybe she did more work than we give her credit for. But if she has cocked up, we just have to deal with it.’

The morning seemed to pass excruciatingly slowly. This was worse than waiting for her own exam results, Cat decided. To while away the time, and resist the urge to ring Mel up, she chivvied James into the kitchen, where they got to work on a batch of new recipes for
Jamie’s Top Tips for Hungry Teens 2
, the latest project James had been signed up for. James was particularly keen to try out a new curry recipe he’d come up with.

Mel eventually mooched back in, looking just as moody as when she went out. Great. How bad was it going to be?

‘Well? The suspense is killing me,’ said Cat. It was on the tip of her tongue to say, you could have
rung
.

‘It’s not great …’ said Mel, ‘but …’

‘Okay,’ said Cat with a heavy sigh, ‘how many retakes?’

‘None,’ said Mel.

‘None? What do you mean none?’ said Cat. ‘You must have to retake at least one.’

‘Gee thanks, Mum,’ said Mel. ‘I don’t need to do any retakes – because I passed them all.’

‘What?’ Cat let out a whoop of delight. ‘Mel, that’s fantastic. So what did you get?’

‘Three A*s, Four As and Three Bs,’ said Mel triumphantly. ‘What do you think of that?’

‘Bloody amazing is what I think of that,’ said Cat, privately breathing a sigh of relief. ‘Fantastic news.’

Thank goodness for that. Mel hadn’t cocked up her exams. One thing less to worry about. Finally, she had a reason to be proud of her daughter.

Dan was sitting in the lounge with Lucy, who was reading a book, staring out at the view. The lounge looked onto their fields, with the hills in the background. On a day like today, it was glorious to behold. The heather cut dashes of pink and purple on the hills, contrasting with the bright yellow of the broom, and the green fronds of the bracken. And Dan seemed to have the ability to stare out at it for hours. Anything rather than work on his farm. Pippa would have loved to have sat down and stared with him, but she, unfortunately, didn’t have that luxury.

Pippa had tried cajoling and pleading, but it was no good. Dan wouldn’t be budged. Neither would he contemplate the counselling suggested by Mr Sheen, brushing off Pippa’s suggestion that it might actually be a good idea. The strain of trying to support him, the family and the farm was beginning to tell. She felt in a permanent state of exhaustion, and worse still, she was beginning to resent Dan’s attitude. If it hadn’t been for Lucy, Pippa might have felt like giving up. Somehow, Lucy always knew how to cheer Pippa up, with a beaming smile or making a sly joke about Dan’s laziness, to which he responded with a rueful smile – the only one in the family who could still manage to bring him out of himself. Thankfully, Dan had for the most part retained his special bond with Lucy, and for that Pippa was immensely grateful.

Pippa would have given her right arm to sit down and be waited on, but that wasn’t about to happen anytime soon. So she resisted the urge to make a sarcastic comment to Dan and instead started to clear up around him.

Dan made no move to help, or even acknowledge she was there. She sighed with frustration. What on earth could she do to change things? It was all very well for Mr Sheen, telling them both to be patient, but he wasn’t living with it, and every day seemed to be getting worse, not better.

‘Any chance of a cup of tea?’ Dan suddenly said.

‘What did your last slave die of?’ snapped Pippa.

‘There’s no need to be so touchy,’ said Dan. ‘I only asked.’

‘And I’m too busy at the moment,’ said Pippa. ‘It would be really nice if you made me a cup of tea for a change. Or cleared up the mess you’ve made in here. I know you’re ill, Dan, but you could occasionally stir yourself out of that chair and do things for yourself!’

Time out you two! Lucy typed and then clapped her hands – a gesture Pippa used when the boys were fighting.

‘Oh,’ Dan looked stricken and she automatically felt guilty. ‘I’m so sorry, Pippa. I hadn’t realised. I’m being a sod again, aren’t I?’

Yes, typed Lucy disapprovingly.

‘You are a bit,’ Pippa said weakly.

Give her a kiss, typed Lucy.

‘Right,’ said Dan, and pecked Pippa on the cheek. ‘I’m sorry. You’ve been so fantastic. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Here, why don’t you sit down while I make the tea?’

Pippa was mollified. It was the sort of thing Dan would have automatically done in the past.

‘Thanks,’ she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. ‘I’m sorry. I’m turning into a bad-tempered old bag. I’m just so tired all the time.’

‘No, I should be sorry,’ said Dan. ‘I don’t mean to be a selfish git. Go on, put your feet up for five minutes, and I’ll sort the tea.’

That’s better, typed Lucy, smiling.

Pippa sank down into the sofa for five minutes and shut her eyes gratefully. In seconds, she was asleep.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake!’

Pippa came to with a start, as she heard something smash on the floor. Dan was standing in the doorway looking furiously at the contents of the tray he had been holding, which had spilt out all over the floor.

‘I can’t even manage to bring you a cup of tea,’ said Dan. ‘I’m worse than useless to you!’

‘Dan,’ said Pippa in dismay, but he’d stormed out in a fury.

So much for putting your feet up, typed Lucy, and reached out and squeezed her mum’s hand.

Pippa smiled ruefully and picked up the mess. At least he’d tried. That was something, she supposed.

‘Steven!’ Marianne flung her arms around her stepson’s neck as soon as he walked in through the door with Gabriel. He looked tanned and healthy, and she could have sworn he’d grown a couple of inches since he’d been away.

The twins toddled towards him. ‘Tevie, Tevie,’ they said, holding out their arms. Marianne felt a swell of warmth as Steven bent down and hugged them. It was lovely how well he got on with them, when it could so easily have gone the other way. For a few minutes, they all laughed and hugged one another. It was wonderful to be back together again.

‘How was your holiday?’

‘It was brill!’ said Steven. ‘Mum and Darren took me scuba diving. And I went on a jet ski. And climbed a mountain, and swam with dolphins. It was awesome.’

‘Sounds it,’ laughed Marianne. ‘Well it’s lovely to have you back. The place hasn’t been the same without you.’

‘Hasn’t it?’ Steven smiled shyly at her. ‘Only Mum kept saying you must be pleased to have more time with the twins.’

‘Oh Steven,’ said Gabriel. ‘You know that’s not true. We’d much rather have you with us all the time. It’s been really quiet without you.’

‘Do you mean that?’

‘Of course we do,’ said Marianne, giving him another hug. She looked anxiously at Gabriel. Why did Eve have to say these things? ‘Now why don’t you come in the kitchen and I’ll make you my special ice cream sorbet.’

Marianne’s ice cream sorbet was one she’d pinched from one of Cat’s recipe books, but adapted to use whatever fruits from the garden came to hand. Knowing how much Steven liked it, today’s version featured raspberries, which grew in their garden in abundance.

When Steven had exhausted telling them about the holiday, and shown them the thousand and one photos he’d taken of the same jellyfish, he retired upstairs, ostensibly to unpack, but more likely to be reunited with his Xbox.

‘Isn’t it great to have him back?’ said Marianne. ‘I can’t stop grinning.’

‘Me neither,’ said Gabe. ‘But honestly. I could bloody kill Eve sometimes. What on earth possessed her to say that to Steven?’

‘Well, she was probably looking at things the way she would – to her it would probably be better to have Steven out of the way, if she was in our position,’ said Marianne. ‘But I agree. Not helpful. Not at all.’