A Love Worth Waiting For and Heaven Knows (24 page)

“You're going to be safe here.” He resisted the urge to reach out and brush away the lines of worry from her brow with the pad of his thumb. He knew what it was like to be afraid. To hurt. To want peace. “I'm going to make sure of it.”

“I can't ask that of you. I'm not even sure I should be here. I appreciate the job, don't get me wrong, and the pay is generous, but you're not my keeper.”

“Someone has to be.” John offered her the cookie bowl. “Just think of me and my family as your temporary guardian angels. We'll watch over you.”

An uneasy chill shivered through her stomach. She kept her voice light, because not all men were like Patrick, right? John didn't mean he'd literally be keeping a watch on her. “A girl can't have too many angels looking out for her.”

“Good. I'll have the sheriff drop by, so be expecting him. You won't be in need of the broom.” He bit into the edge of the iced cookie.

“Thanks for mentioning that. I'm still embarrassed enough I could spontaneously combust.”

“Why? It's important for a woman to know how to defend herself. Cameron will be able to keep an eye out for any strangers in town. With any luck,
this Patrick of yours will decide to stay in Seattle where he belongs.”

“That's what I'm hoping.” She bit into the cookie and let the sweetness melt on her tongue. She thought of her self-esteem, still tender, and tried to put aside the bad memories of Patrick's angry words that always tore her down….

No, she wouldn't think of that ever again. She was strong enough to evade him. To make a new life. With the Lord watching over her and a few extra guardian angels, she couldn't go wrong.

“Didn't you get a restraining order? Didn't the police help you?”

“A restraining order can only do so much, and the police did all they could.” She closed her mind against the pain. The wound in her heart hurt like crazy. She'd once loved Patrick Kline with all her being. Where all that love used to be was a dark, aching place that felt as if it would never be touched by sunlight again.

“You don't need a restraining order here. Not with me around.” John's gaze met hers, full of promise, as unyielding as the strongest steel. “You're safe with me. You can count on it.”

The tension inside her eased. Just like that, like a tangled knot of yarn suddenly pulling loose. She believed in him. “You really are a guardian angel.”

“Good, I've got you fooled.” With a wink, John slid off the stool with a man's athletic power, taking
the mug and cookie with him. “I've been told I'm a good listener. Any time you want to talk, I'm here. You're not alone. Remember that.”

“I will.”

“If you have any questions about the list I gave you, just give me a jingle down at the store. I wrote down the number.”

“Sure thing.” It was hard to speak past the tight ball of emotions locked in her throat, but she managed.

He disappeared through the threshold, and his steps tapped through the house. The door opened, then closed, leaving silence in his wake.

For the first time in a long while, Alexandra didn't feel alone. Her spirit had been uplifted after she'd confided in John. She hadn't dared to trust her troubles to many people. Opening up now left her feeling connected instead of isolated and reminded her that God's love was everywhere, especially in the hearts of others.

She took another bite of the delicious cookie and started reading the work list John had left her.

 

The late-afternoon sun was blazing strong enough to make the inside of the old VW hot as Alexandra pulled into the gravel driveway of the little yellow house a few blocks from the town's main street. It was always a blessing not to have air-conditioning. Otherwise how could she appreciate the sun's heat?

She killed the engine and rolled down the rest of the windows. A strain of piano music lilted from the house's open front door. Hailey's halting rendition of “Moonlight Sonata” was certainly unique. Fondness for the little girl filled Alexandra's heart right up.

What a wonderful day this had been. After a morning spent cleaning John's beautiful house, she'd met Hailey at the bus stop at the end of the mile-long driveway. Stephanie had come to visit, so there were two little girls to entertain. Easy to do with a fresh pitcher of lemonade and the last of Bev's Sunday cookies.

While she'd dusted the plant shelves in the family room, the sounds of their laughter and constant chatter wafted in through the open windows. Happy sounds of childhood that Alexandra remembered from other children's homes. From other children's yards.

She grabbed the dust mop, reaching for the peak of the vaulted ceiling, straining on the top step of the small ladder she'd found in the garage. Those happy, innocent voices drifting into the room made her happy, too. As if, for one moment in time, she was able to step out of the shadows of her troubles and let the sun warm her. It had been a good feeling, and it lingered with her still as she waited for Hailey's lesson to end.

The halting music continued, one wrong note
souring the melody, and then another. She tugged a paperback inspirational romance out of her purse and opened it to the dog-eared page that marked her place. She'd no sooner started reading than she heard footsteps in the gravel behind her.

“Alexandra.” It was John's voice and his reflection in the cracked side-view mirror, coming closer.

Oh, he looks good. That was her first thought. Her second was—don't notice. “John. Bet you couldn't resist the chance to hear your daughter play.”

A series of sour notes came from inside the house before the melody rang true.

“I'm not sure her true talent is the piano, although Mom sure keeps hoping.” John knelt down so they were eye level. “I was down the street delivering a new mower to the Whitlys, and I spotted your car.”

Only then did she recognize the big red pickup parked across the street behind her. “Checking up on me?”

“Let's call it Providence lending a hand. The Whitlys have puppies that are just eight weeks old today. They offered me the pick of the litter, since I didn't charge them for the delivery.”

“Now you're in a bind—is that it? Seeing as Hailey wants a dog.”

“You see my situation. If I say no, then I'm a horrible, terrible father of the worst sort. If I say yes, then I've got a puppy in my house.”

“Look at the bright side. You have wood floors and not carpeting. That will come in handy during housebreaking.”

“I like your outlook on life. Yep, there's a blessing if I ever saw one.” He shook his head, scattering his dark hair, and for a moment those shutters on his soul opened again. It was easy to see all the good in him.

When he caught her looking at him, the shutters closed. She felt embarrassed for looking so deep.

John stood, gazing at the house, feeling distant again. Remote. “Think you're up to coming along and helping us pick out a dog?”

Before Alexandra could answer, the old metal screen door flung open and a pink-and-purple blur streaked out of the house.

“Daddy!” the streak shouted in an excited rush. “What dog? I getta dog? Yippeeeeee! I'm gonna get a dog. Really, really, truly?”

“Nope. Just kiddin'.” John's wink brought another squeal as Hailey bounded to a stop against Alexandra's car, jumping up and down with glee.

“What kind of a dog? A baby one, right? It's the Whitlys' babies, isn't it? I
knew
it. My best friend Christa lives next door and she gets to visit them sometimes. She wants to get the white one, but I ain't never seen them even once—”

Hailey kept talking, and John held up one hand, like a crossing guard attempting to halt speeding traffic. “It's not doing any good.”

“I see that.” Alexandra covered her mouth to hide her laughter.

“You see why I hired you? I need help.”

“If I had known that, I'd have demanded higher wages.”

“Maybe hazard pay.” John took his daughter by the shoulders and guided her around to the passenger side door, while she chattered the entire time.

He opened the door and Hailey plopped into the seat, chasing away all the quiet.

“I won't want the white one, 'cuz it's the one Christa likes, but maybe there'll be one I like. Do you know what? What if there isn't one I like?”

“With my luck, you'll like all of them. Don't worry.” John brushed tangles from her face, a wonderfully loving fatherly gesture, before handing her the seat belt. “Buckle up, and give Alexandra directions. I'll follow, okay?”

“Yep. I love you, Dad.” She gave him a smacking kiss on the cheek, an open show of affection that made Alexandra look away.

She turned the key, pumping the gas until the old engine sputtered to life. She felt sharply alone, even with Hailey's merry chatter and John waving them off as she backed onto the street.

“Yippee! I get a dog. I really, really get one. Can you believe it? Cool. My dad's so cool.” Hailey bounced on the seat, her happiness
tangible. She beamed, her hands clasped, all brightness and innocence.

“Your dad is definitely cool.” Alexandra could see him in the rearview, walking the half block down the residential street, his athletic gait striking, his hair wind tousled. There was something about him that held her attention—and that couldn't be good.

Don't think about it.

She forced her attention completely on the road ahead of her, following Hailey's pointing finger toward a paved driveway in front of a vintage, Craftsman-style house, where a profusion of bright tulips were cheerfully saluting.

An elderly woman rose from her weeding in the colorful flower beds in the shade of the house, and waved her garden-gloved hand. Her face wreathed into a smile. “Why, it's Hailey. Your daddy said we ought to be expecting you.”

“Hi, Mrs. Whitly!” Hailey shot from the car before Alexandra could set the brake.

Alexandra then pocketed her keys, approaching, as the older woman offered a friendly greeting.

“I saw you in church,” Mrs. Whitly was saying, grasping Alexandra's hand in a tight hold that felt so sincere. “What a blessing you are to them, I'm sure. That poor widower all alone, and with a child to raise. I already sent Hailey into the house to find the puppies on her own. Didn't think that child
could wait a second longer without exploding on the spot.”

“Good idea. She's pretty excited.”

“So I see.” Laughing, Mrs. Whitly held open the door. “Please come in. Can I get you some iced tea?”

“Thank you.” Being part of the Corey family made her belong somehow, she figured. Small towns were like that, she knew all too well. It was a nice privilege, to be welcomed without question.

“Go on into the laundry room.” Mrs. Whitly gestured to the far end of her perfectly tidy kitchen to an open door, where Hailey sat sprawled on the linoleum floor, surrounded by leaping puppies.

“Alexandra! Look!” Hailey twisted around, hugging one fluffy black puppy beneath her chin, sparkling like all the stars in the sky, like joy unleashed.

In all her life, Alexandra had never been so happy, but it touched her now. Knocked away one stone in the wall around her heart. Forgetting that she was an adult and not a child, she fell to her knees amid the puppies, scooping up a wiggling little brown one that jumped right into her hand.

“He's so soft.” She'd never felt anything so wonderful. Fluffy puppy paws were everywhere—her arms, her shoulders, on her jeans, as the little ones tried to get her attention, jumping up to swipe wet warm tongues at her chin.

“I love this one!” Hailey kissed the head of the puppy she cradled. “This one is the sweetest, bestest puppy, right?”

“Right.” Alexandra started when a hand lighted on her shoulder. A heavy, broad touch that somehow made the happiness inside her double. Made another brick crumble in the wall around her heart.

John knelt down beside her. “It looks to me like these puppies are all wrong. Now that you girls have looked, let's leave them and go.”

“Daddy!” Hailey protested, giggling. “I found the one I want. Looky!”

“I was afraid of that.” John winked, acting as if he was greatly pained, but anyone could see the happiness that made him bigger than life. “Looks like you've got yourself a dog, Hailey.”

“I know.” She said it with such confidence, as if there had never been a single doubt in her mind. She'd known all along how this would work out.

Alexandra turned away, lowering the puppy she held to the floor, stroking its downy little head with her fingertip. A second pup pushed its way in, wanting attention, too.

All her life, she'd been on the outside looking in. Like a child peeking through the window, wistfully wishing to be part of the happy family inside. She'd always wondered if those people she saw were really that happy. Or was it different, with the
curtains drawn and the doors closed. Were they as unhappy down deep as her family had been?

It had always burdened her. She wanted to marry. She wanted a family, just like the ones she'd always watched so wistfully as a child while at the same time fearing that nothing could be that wonderful. Not really.

And now she knew for sure. Those families were real. Like John's family. So this dream in her heart
could
really happen—one day. Maybe that was why God had brought her here, on this uncertain journey from her past. To show her this genuine, happy family. To let her see what her future could be.

She hugged another puppy close, closed her eyes and gave a silent prayer of thanks.

“I
hope you know something about dogs.”

Alexandra dug her car keys out of her pocket. “Actually, I do, but you're not paying me for that.”

“Getting tough with me, are you?” He crossed his arms over his chest, impressive as always with the shadows clinging to him and the wind ruffling his dark hair. “I knew you were too good to be true. Now I see the real Alexandra.”

“Oh, you're one to talk. Hiring me to keep house and look after your daughter, and now this. A hidden agenda.”

“Guilty as charged. Except I didn't know we were going to get a dog so soon.”

“You must have known you would fold and give in to Hailey's wishes. After all, Mrs. Whitly told me you had asked about the puppies only last week.”

“Can't trust anyone to keep a secret. What's the world coming to? Okay, so I had a suspicion, but that's all it was. Mom doesn't know anything about dogs, either, so that leaves us at your mercy.”

“You're in luck. I do have some puppy knowledge, but it's going to cost you.”

“I knew you were going to say that. Okay, give it to me. How much is this going to set me back?”

“Your mom's potato salad recipe. Hey, don't look at me like that. I know what's important in life.”

“Getting you all the gold in Fort Knox would be easier. Do you know my mom guards that secret family recipe with her life? Is there any chance I could just pay you extra?”

“Nope.” Alexandra swung her car door open. “Talk to Bev.”

“She's gonna hurt me if I ask her for the recipe.”

“A big brave man like you shouldn't be afraid of a little pain.” She couldn't help teasing. “Still want my help with the puppy?”

He gestured toward the pickup's passenger window where Hailey could be seen through the tempered glass, her cheek to the puppy's cute round head. They were nuzzling, clearly in love, as only little girls and their puppies can be.

“I need all the help I can get,” John confessed. “Are you going to make me beg?”

“It's tempting, but I'll spare you this time.” Alexandra dropped her purse on the floor. “I'll follow you to the grocery store.”

“You're going to have fun spending my money, aren't you?”

“We'll just pick up a few things the puppy needs for tonight, but there's a pet store in Bozeman that could be making a profit tomorrow.”

John's fist flew to his heart, as if she'd inflicted a mortal wound. “I'll take it like a man and give you my credit card.”

“And how exactly am I going to use your credit card without being arrested for fraud?”

“I know the owner of the pet store. I'll give him a call first thing in the morning.”

“Good.” She tossed him a smile that could charm the sun out of the sky and slipped behind the wheel of her rusted yellow VW.

Slim and lithe, as graceful as dreams, she lifted her delicate hand in a wave, silver rings flashing, before backing out of the driveway.

“I love you, puppy, yes I do. You're so cute,” Hailey cooed, touching noses with the tiny fluffy black dog that gazed up at her with sheer love in those chocolate eyes.

Trouble. That's all John saw as he pulled out onto the street. Next thing he knew the dog would be sleeping with Hailey. And then it was going to be on the furniture. He'd no longer be king of his
own castle. The dog would be. Well, queen, since she was a female.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He reached over to rub a hand over the puppy's warm downy back. A pink tongue darted out in a quick, grateful caress. Okay, so maybe he wasn't gonna mind too much.

“I'm gonna need a girl name. A real name,” Hailey chattered on over the Christian country station humming in the background. “Something really pretty, just as pretty as my cute baby puppy.”

John ruffled her hair, too, and made her laugh. “I have every confidence you'll come up with the best name.”

“Well, yeah, Daddy. I'm good.” Hailey stared deeply into her puppy's eyes. “How about Ariel? Nope. I know. Alexandra.”

“That would get awful confusing with two Alexandras in the same house.”

Hailey sighed, exasperated. “I know. Danielle. Nope.”

John eased up on the gas. He hadn't realized he'd been speeding, and he'd already caught up with the time-faded yellow Beetle puttering along the road in front of him. He could just barely see Alexandra's cinnamon-dark hair. It was fluttering around her shoulders, whipped by the wind through the open windows.

She's so different from Bobbie.

Where that thought came from, John didn't know,
but he didn't like it. He was Alexandra's protector. That's what he was. He had no right watching the flick of her long hair in the breeze and seeing a woman instead of his duty. His chance to make amends.

“Belle.” Hailey tilted her head to one side, contemplating that name. “Belle? Here Belle, girl?”

The puppy kept licking Hailey's chin.

There was traffic in town, since it was nearly quitting time. He pulled up in a space next to Alexandra in front of the grocery. If he leaned out the window, he could make out the hardware store—looked like Warren was just closing up.

“Hey, I'll run in and grab some puppy food.” Alexandra leaned against the passenger side window, reaching through to stroke the puppy's soft head.

Her silver rings flashed, drawing his gaze as they always did. Small and fragile hands. So unlike Bobbie, who'd been strong and capable and athletic. Always the tomboy.

Right there showed how wrong he was. If the day ever came when he'd paid enough for Bobbie's death, he wouldn't want a wife so fragile. So delicate. So easily hurt.

He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, opened it and handed her a twenty. “Will that be enough?”

“For now.” Her smile dazzled. She dazzled.

He held his heart steady, refusing to feel anything at all.

“Here, Daddy. Hold Jessica.” Hailey handed him the beloved puppy. “Nope. That's all wrong.”

“Don't worry.” Alexandra's soft, sweet alto rang like the gentlest hymn. “I bet she'll name herself. Trust me.”

Hailey put her hand in Alexandra's, and the two trotted off, the taller, beautiful woman and the beloved little girl, and disappeared from his sight.

 

“John, do you have any more newspaper?” Alexandra breezed into his kitchen, breathless and flushed, a smile shaping her soft mouth. “I'm afraid the puppy has used what I could find on the shelf.”

“There's the recycling bin in the garage.”

“There is? I didn't see it.” She flicked on the oven light and peered inside. “Looks like another ten minutes will do it. Let me get the puppy settled, and I'll set the table for you.”

“Your shift ended an hour ago. I'll take care of it. And the newspaper, too.”

“Are you sure?”

“It's about time I'm good for something.” He winked, forcing a smile.

“Hmm. You seem to be useful at making your daughter very happy.” She smiled like a ray of sunlight on a bleak day, warming him straight through. Unaware of her effect on him, she disappeared down the hallway.

What was bothering him? He couldn't put his
finger on it. Whatever it was, it had his stomach in knots.

Was it the way she looked? No, because he'd hardly noticed she was wearing well-worn Levi's and a baggy purple T-shirt with the University of Washington in faded gold letters. He
wasn't
attracted to her—absolutely not. He was in control of his feelings.

Something was bugging him, though. When he figured out what it was, then he'd be able to solve the problem. He wasn't going to worry about it until then.

He grabbed three plates from the cupboard and dealt them around the table. Alexandra might as well stay and eat with them, since she'd stayed late. It was the decent thing to do, a gesture a man who considered himself her protector would make.

It had nothing to do with the fact that she was an extremely attractive woman. Because he simply wasn't noticing.

When he was done at the table, he headed straight for the garage, grabbed a bundle of newspapers from the bin. On the way through the house, he couldn't help noticing the changes Alexandra had already made. The floors shone. The furniture was vacuumed and plumped and tidier. The big-screen television was dust free.

Hey, now there was an improvement. He'd like that the next time the Mariners were playing. No more screen lint.

Feminine giggles trilled like music down the hallway, drawing him closer. Hailey's high bright laughter blended with Alexandra's quieter, deeper chuckle, and that chuckle seemed to be the most wonderful sound he'd ever heard.

“No, puppy, you're supposed to go on the paper.” Hailey started to giggle harder. “Alexandra, she's goin' again.”

“She's going to be just fine once we're not in here with her.” Alexandra was folding an old towel, made soft by wear, into a cozy piece of bedding. “She'll probably cry for a while, because she'll be lonely, but she'll settle in.”

“The teddy bear will help.” Hailey placed one of her favorite stuffed animals from years ago into the big cardboard box that was now stuffed with so much bedding, there was no room for the puppy. “Maybe she shouldn't sleep by herself. She's awful little.”

Yep, here it comes. The plea to have the puppy in her bedroom. John braced himself, prepared to hold out for as long as he could—probably two hours tops. “The newspaper you requested.”

“Just in time. The last of it has been properly used.” Alexandra snatched the bundle from him and dove into it, hard at work, her hair falling down to curtain her face, so all he saw was the part going straight down the middle of her head.

There was something about that part in her hair.
The way the fine line of porcelain skin was a contrast to the rich brown strands. Something that made him forget that she was vulnerable and alone and in trouble, and it was his job to protect her and instead made him notice she was all woman, grace and poetry.

Stop noticing her, John.

Her slender fingers tucked a satiny lock of her hair behind her ear, revealing the soft curve of her cheekbone and the elegant shape of her small chin. Her bow-shaped mouth curved into a laughing smile as the puppy leaped up on her and then crashed down in the middle of the newspaper she was trying to unfold.

The sharp rustle of newsprint made the tiny creature yip with delight, her tiny, furry body wiggling from head to tail.

“Look at her. She's so cute.” Hailey got down on all fours. “I love you so much. Yes, I do.”

The little puppy leaped up to touch noses with her.

That was simply too much sweetness for a man to take. John swallowed hard, trying not to feel too much of anything. Sometimes it could be so overwhelming, all this he'd been given, this daughter he treasured, this life he lived, the moments like this that were tiny pieces of forever.

“I'd best go check on supper.” He moved away from the sounds of laughter and crackling newspaper and the puppy's yips of delight.

It was only when he was setting the casserole dish on the trivet in the middle of the table that it hit him what was wrong. It hit him as hard as a plane crashing down from the sky to the earth. As desolating as the fire and flame and metal tearing apart on impact.

His knees gave out, his feet went out from under him and he landed in a chair, clinging to the edge, struggling for breath.

This is what it had been like when Bobbie was alive. The low murmur of a woman's voice down the hall. The bright feminine presence changing the house in some vital, undeniable way that could only be felt by the soul.

In a way, that made new all the pain of the past, all the regret and anguish, as if the void in his life had been ripped open again, and there was no energetic Bobbie zipping around this kitchen, laughing while she worked.

There was Alexandra. And he was glad for that.

He'd had housekeepers before, but it had never been like this. He'd never really been in the house at the same time as those other women—young or old—who'd worked afternoons keeping watch over Hailey and his home.

He hadn't realized taking Alexandra into his life would bring him here, to this place of bleak, burning pain.

The grief was over, but not the guilt. It hit him
with the force of an inferno, leaving him weak and sweating, consumed and empty all at once.

He had to find a way to pull himself together.

“What about Maggie? I sorta like Maggie.” Hailey's voice echoed through the house—she was in the hallway, coming closer.

John realized his cheeks were wet and he swiped the dampness away. After a few deep breaths his knees held him up when he straightened from the chair.

Just in time. Hailey bounded around the corner, tugging Alexandra by one hand. Alexandra shone, as if the armor she'd been hiding behind had been peeled back, to expose a truer, more open part of her.

It was like looking at her for the first time.

“Oh, no.” Alexandra glanced over her shoulder, her cinnamon-brown locks tumbling everywhere, catching the light, catching his heart.

It's because I can help her, when I failed Bobbie. That's why I feel this way. John clung to that, determined to push away every other feeling until the pain and the anguish were gone. His hands still shook, though, when he rescued the salad from the refrigerator.

“Is the puppy all settled?” At least he could keep his voice steady.

“Yep.” Hailey dropped into her chair, unaware, as bouncy as ever. “Alexandra said I couldn't bring a dog to the table.”

“Probably not a good idea for tonight.” John kept his gaze firmly fixed on the tray in the refrigerator door that held the bottles of salad dressing. He grabbed both of them—Ranch for Hailey and Italian for him. Maybe Alexandra would like either one—

There he went thinking of her again. But only in the protective, most noble of ways.