Year Zero (40 page)
Authors: Rob Reid
“Or at least, there’s a seventy-five percent chance that he did.”
“Did you seriously just do that in your head?”
Manda smiled at our running joke. “And you know there’s no way Judy’ll put up with this,” she added. “Not with all her space dollars tied up in escrow.”
I considered this. “So you think she’s going to try to make him back down?”
“As opposed to living out her years stuck on Earth, kissing congressional asses, and suing file sharers? Of course she will.”
I nuzzled Meowhaus’s cheek with my index finger, and nodded. Manda’s right, of course. There are enough loose ends out there that this whole mess is probably just beginning.
1.
When Judy howled about the lenience of this, it was decided that the term would be served without any possibility of parole.
2.
Pugwash, meanwhile, ended up buying an awful lot of multigrain Wheat Thins for someone who was hosting a cracker-loathing carnivore.
3.
At first I figured he was just sticking around to get into the Willow Smith video that Judy had mentioned. But they taped his part weeks ago, and he’s still here.
4.
It would indeed be a lot of work for two
million
lawyers if we didn’t have access to Refined analytics tools that can handle labyrinthine instructions like, “figure out the precise sums owed to all of the ultimate beneficial shareholders of the Warner Music Group based on its entire catalog of music and territorial rights, and add those amounts to the individual accounts that the shareholders’ respective Cellular Infringements are being charged against.”
5.
Judy’s first action back on Earth was to poach Manda from her law firm.
6.
Our desk used to be her desk. Although made from a cheap kit, it’s much bigger than my old one, so we kept it when we consolidated our furniture into one apartment.
MANDA’S PLAYLIST
1 Intelligentactile 101 (Acoustic)
Jesca Hoop
2 Daddy’s Car
Cardigans
3 Nightlight
Little Dragon
4 Voice Yr Choice
The Go! Team
5 Dance Anthem of the 80’s
Regina Spektor
6 Hit
Sugarcubes
7 Silly Fathers
Rubblebucket
8 Combat Baby
Metric
9 One Divine Hammer
Breeders
10 Rill Rill
Sleigh Bells
11 Same Rain
Sam Phillips
12 The Real End
Rickie Lee Jones
13 Elijah
Alela Diane
14 Stoney End
Laura Nyro
15 Hurricane Drunk
Florence & The Machine
16 The Apocalypse Song
St. Vincent
17 Speak for Me
Cat Power
18 Holy Holy
Wye Oak
19 Mushrooms & Roses
Janelle Monáe
20 Written on the Forehead
PJ Harvey
21 Don’t Talk to Me About Love
Altered Images
22 Duel
Propaganda
23 The Mummers Dance
Loreena McKinnit
24 Central Reservation (The Then Again Version)
Beth Orton
25 Undress Me Now
Morcheeba
26 Evening
Vanessa Daou
27 Ronco Symphony
Stereolab
28 5:55
Charlotte Gainsbourg
29 Occident
Joanna Newsom
30 Teardrop
Massive Attack
ÖZZŸ’S PLAYLIST
1 You Shook Me All Night Long
AC/DC
2 Living After Midnight
Judas Priest
3 Pour Some Sugar on Me
Def Leppard
4 Dude Looks Like a Lady
Aerosmith
5 Too Daze Gone
Billy Squier
6 Beautiful Girls
Van Halen
7 Round and Round
Ratt
8 Rock You Like a Hurricane
Scorpions
9 Like Never Before
Steelheart
10 Crazy Train
Ozzy Osbourne
11 Wild Flower
The Cult
12 Paradise City
Guns N’ Roses
13 Not Gonna Take It
Twisted Sister
14 Cum on Feel the Noize
Quiet Riot
15 Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight
Spinal Tap
16 Rock and Roll All Nite
Kiss
17 There’s Only One Way to Rock
Sammy Hagar
18 School’s Out
Alice Cooper
19 Godzilla
Blue Öyster Cult
20 Turn Up the Radio
Autograph
21 Looks That Kill
Mötley Crüe
22 Unskinny Bop
Poison
23 One Way Ticket
The Darkness
24 Blue Collar Man (Long Nights)
STYX
25 Mother
Danzig
26 Paranoid
Black Sabbath
27 Run to the Hills
Iron Maiden
28 Metal on Metal
Anvil
29 Enter Sandman
Metallica
30 When the Levee Breaks
Led Zeppelin
PUGWASH’S PLAYLIST
1 Le Rai C’est Chic
Cheb Mami
2 Nefertiti’s Fjord
Nefertiti’s Fjord
3 Africa
Amadou & Mariam
4 Panis Et Circenses
Os Mutantes
5 Twiggy Twiggy [Twiggy Vs. James Bond]
Pizzicato Five
6 Chocolate
Pacifika
7 Tunak Tunak Tun
Daler Mehndi
8 Rabba Remixed
Falu
9 Bananeria
Bebel Gilberto
10 Eple
Royksopp
11 Ana (Hisboyelroy Smooth Dub)
Vieux Farka Touré
12 Narayana/For Your Love
Krishna Das
13 Azul
Natalia Lafourcade
14 Tinindo Trincando
Novosbaianos
15 Aquas de Marco
Rosa Passos
16 Sodade
Césaria Évora & Bonga
17 Makambo
Geoffrey Oryema
18 Lam Tooro
Baaba Maal &
Mansour Seck
19 Svefn-g-englar
Sigur Rós
20 Money
Sharon Jones &
The Dap-Kings
21 Money, Money
Grateful Dead
22 Money
Pink Floyd
23 Taxman
The Beatles
24 Money
Flying Lizards
25 Gimme Some Money
Spinal Tap
MEOWHAUS’S PLAYLIST
1 Cat People (Putting Out Fire)
David Bowie
2 Up on the Catwalk
Simple Minds
3 The Lovecats
The Cure
4 Make a Circuit With Me
The Polecats
5 He War
Chan Marshall
6 Lucifer Sam
Pink Floyd
7 An Cat Dubh + Into the Heart
U2
8 Panthers
Wilco
9 Superficial Cat
Edwyn Collins
10 Tiger Lily
Luna
11 Year of the Cat
Al Stewart
12 Honky Cat
Elton John
13 Another Saturday Night
Yusuf Islam
14 Stray Cat Blues
The Rolling Stones
15 Rumble in Bhangingon
Stray Cats
16 Panther Dash
The Go! Team
17 Photograph
Def Leppard
18 Cat Scratch Fever
Ted Nugent
19 Back in Black
AC/DC
20 Teenage Pussy from Outer Space
Buck Naked & the Bare Bottom Boys
CARLY’S PLAYLIST
1 Lost In Space
Fountains of Wayne
2 Bitch
The Rolling Stones
3 Rock Music
Jefferson Starship
4 Take It Off
The Donnas
5 Walkin’ on the Sun
Smash Mouth
6 Killer Queen
Queen
7 Venus
Bananarama
8 Planet Earth
Duran Duran
9 Bike Ride to the Moon
The Dukes Of Stratosphear
10 Stars
Hum
11 Drops of Jupiter
Train
12 Saturn 5
Inspiral Carpets
13 Back Door Man
Doors
14 Sing to Neptune
Tribe
15 Hallucinating Pluto
The B-52’s
16 Star 69
R.E.M
.
17 Star Shaped
Blur
18 It Don’t Come Easy
Ringo Starr
19 I Touch Myself
Divinyls
20 Trick or Treat
Peaches
21 Sex (I’m A …)
Berlin
22 Space Age Love Song
A Flock of Seagulls
23 Surfing on a Rocket
Air
24 We Are All Made of Stars
Moby
25 Sudden Stars (EP Version)
Stereolab
26 Universal Speech
The Go! Team
27 Astronaut
Blitzen Trapper
28 Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space
Spiritualized
29 Under the Milky Way
The Church
30 Have You Seen the Stars Tonight
Jefferson Airplane
FRAMPTON’S PLAYLIST
1 Money’s Too Tight (To Mention)
Simply Red
2 I’m Not the Man I Used To Be
Fine Young Cannibals
3 Love of the Common People
Paul Young
4 Skin Deep
The Stranglers
5 Stars
Simply Red
6 Be Near Me
ABC
7 Silver
Echo & the Bunnymen
8 Communication
Spandau Ballet
9 What Have I Done to Deserve This?
Pet Shop Boys
10 Fascination
The Human League
11 Vienna Calling
Falco
12 Wonderland
Big Country
13 The Last of the Famous International Playboys
Morrissey
14 Temptation (Original Version)
Heaven 17
15 Never Gonna Give You Up
Rick Astley
16 Hymn
Ultravox
17 Things Could Be Beautiful
The Colourfield
18 King for a Day
Thompson Twins
19 Europa and the Pirate Twins
Thomas Dolby
20 A New Flame
Simply Red
21 New Gold Dream (81-82-83-84)
Simple Minds
22 Arizona Sky
China Crisis
23 Do You Really Want to Hurt Me
Culture Club
24 Head over Heels
Tears for Fears
25 Father Figure
George Michael
26 This Is the Day
The The
27 Careless Whisper
Wham!
28 If You Don’t Know Me By Now
Simply Red
29 Heaven
Bryan Adams
30 Holding Back the Years
Simply Red
FOR MORGAN
I’d like to thank my wife, Morgan, for believing in
Year Zero
when it was just a wisp a of story. I never would have started writing it if it weren’t for her. I also certainly wouldn’t have finished it without the steady feed of encouragement, edits, advice, caffeine, patience, treats, cajoling, laughter, and love that she sustained me with. I may have been the one at the keyboard, but this was a two-person project from start to finish. So thank you, Morgan. This is our book.
