Wench With Wings (26 page)

She turned back around to her friends that stood shocked, looking at her like she never wanted to be looked at. And the man that claims he loves her; the pity in his eyes pissed her off even more. “Don't fucking look at me like that. All of you get the fuck out of my house.”

“Trey…” Ayden stepped up losing the look of pity, but she cut him off and didn’t want to see what it was at all; the way that he looked at her now.

“No, you
do not
get to look at me like that, you
never
loved me, the real me and you never will, not the real me, so get the fuck out of my house. Now.” He knew that there was nothing he could do at this point, knew that there was no words that can take back the look he just gave her. That he thought that he corrected quick enough, but wasn’t. He’s seen that look towards himself before and he knows how bad that look really is. He dropped his head and followed the rest of them out the door.

Completely defeated.

She won.

He was not strong enough to stand by her side. He knew it, but so did she. In the back of her mind all the things she stored away was brought to the forefront. She wanted to love him, she needed to love him so that he could truly save her, but she needed to know that he was strong enough to stand by her side; before she could give him her heart.

He was not. She did not.

She locked all the doors, checked the locks on all her windows and went to her bathroom to clean the blood and hopefully the pain away. She knew it wouldn’t work, but the two bottles of Jack and the five joints sure did make her see only the darkness.

***

Chapter Fourteen:

All Of I
t; Screwed

Ayden was completely screwed up; a total, complete mess. All he wanted to do was hold Trey in his arms, but he knew that was not what she needed. He knew that she needed to feel powerful; completely in control, entirely able to stand alone. He wanted to stand next to her and hold her up, but he knew that was not what she wanted; it was not the Trey he knew. Even though he did not know the Trey she used to be, he knew the Trey she was now and he loved every bit of her. It didn’t matter who she was before, because he did not want what he was before to make her think of him any differently. If he ever let her in. He would not think of her any differently, other than she’s stronger than he thought. Greater a fighter than he ever imagined.

Yea, he was beat by his older brothers and his mother threw him away and his father was never around, and he never ate or had anything, but he knew he still had love to give. Trey didn’t and he could see why now. Who would believe that they were capable of loving if they couldn’t even love their own father? He understood now what she was always getting at when she said she ‘
can’t
love’ but he wanted to prove to her that she was capable of loving especially him, the one that loves her the way he did, more so now than before.

He sat in his room all Christmas night completely and entirely on edge. He did all he could not to go back to her and demand that she say fuck it and fuck him and love him instead. He knew that she needed her space to calm down, but he really didn’t want to give her the time for that either. He wanted to show her now how much she means to him more than ever, how much he actually means to her. He didn’t, he knew he couldn’t, he stayed sulking in his room very pissed off and entirely screwed up because of it all.

He wanted to kill that man that called himself her father for so many more reasons than the obvious. He made it so that Trey couldn’t believe in ever loving him, but that wasn’t even the worst to Ayden. He could change her mind, he could someday get her to realize that she did in fact love him. Yea, the physical pain was one thing and the words were another, but the fact that her father would break her enough never to fight back, never to talk back and just sit there and let him beat her and talk to her the way he did, was what really got him in shambles. She was hopeless; he could see it in her eyes the second the guy walked in. Also that she was not at all in control and the Trey he knew was not like that even the slightest. He did not like that one bit. She always stands tall, she always is in control, it hit him then at that thought. ‘Shit. I weakened her control, that’s what was really messing with her about me. Damn I’m stupid. I should have known not to mess with her control. I could see how much she needed even more so now, but still. Damn I’m an idiot. I have to go to her.’

He jumped up and slammed open his door to storm out of the house, but Dane grabbed him and Jocelyn freaked on him. “Stop Ayden, she is not going to want to see you right now and you know it. So stop being an ass.”

“Fuck, I screwed up Jos. I fucking screwed it all up. I never should have messed with her control, she needed it and I failed to see how much and I messed with it all the time. I shouldn’t have. I have to go see her.”

“Hey, stop. Seriously. Stop beating yourself up. She’ll pull it together, she’ll be okay its Trey come on have some faith. Even when you did mess with her control she still couldn’t fight not having you. She still always wanted you. I saw it firsthand from day one. She’ll be okay, she’ll put herself back together. She did it once by herself and she’ll do it again. I knew the first day that I met her a year and eight months ago that she had issues she needed to work out. She left that asshole the same time she came here and met me. She’ll get through it easier this time it’s not her first time walking away from him.”

“Yea, but you heard them, she never talked back to him, never fought him back. She did tonight. What if it’s worse? She didn’t just walk away this time, she stood up to him. What if she needs us more because of it? It has to be worse this time. It’s different from the first. You were there for her last time. Why don’t you go to her if you don’t think I should?”

“Because, Ayden she needs some time. Standing up to him now only proves she’s stronger this time. She kicked us out badly for crying out loud. I’ve never seen her snap like that, ever. The couple little times she lost control were not even close to this, but she just needed time then and it’s all she needs now, she came back around then and she will again.”

“What if she doesn’t this time, what if it’s too bad this time? We have to do something.”

“Listen bro, just give her some time. Maybe give her a call tomorrow.” Dane said hoping to calm him down and reassure what Jos was saying.

“Fine.” He stalked off back into his room and hit his bed. He wanted to hit something else, literally. ‘How can I even think about sleep? I won’t be able to sleep.’ He paced his room which only drove him crazier. Dane finally came in with a bottle, hoping a couple shots would calm him. That didn’t do any good, not even the slightest bit of good. He wound up downing the rest of the bottle. It did him slightly better. He went out to the fridge and drank the rest of the beers. Almost a twelve pack and wound up puking it all back up and passing out in the bathroom hugging the toilet.

He felt completely useless the next morning. Instead of being with the women he was completely and entirely in love with he spent the night getting drunk and trying to forget that he needed to go to her. He knew that it was not what she wanted or needed and if he did go to her he would only be being selfish, but it still didn’t stop him from feeling completely helpless.

He picked up his phone to call her, but she didn’t answer. He text her, but she didn’t respond to that either. He went out and woke up Dane and Jos and had her text Trey, but she didn’t answer for her either. They called Gwen hoping she had something and could come help, but she wasn’t much help to him either. She didn’t know about anything in Trey’s past and wasn’t to cline into offering anything but ‘just give her time.’ She didn’t talk to her either.

He felt even more screwed up, even more helpless. He headed to her place around five at night, she didn’t answer the door and he became freaked out and feared the worst. Her car was there, her bike was out back, but she wouldn’t answer the door or the phone. ‘What if that asshole got back in and did something to her’ is all he could think. After pacing outside for what felt like an eternity to him, he broke into her door and stormed through the house looking for her. Nothing else mattered, he had to know if she was okay.

She was lying on the floor next to her bed lifeless. He dropped to his knees and prayed for her to be okay. “Trey, oh god, Trey, honny get up. He shook her a little, but she gave him nothing. He felt for a pulse and there was something. He kept trying to wake her up sweetly, but she wasn’t moving. He picked her up and moved her to her bed. “Treasack Sirona, please, wake up.”

“Get away from me, just leave me alone,” she said like she was drugged.

“Damn it, no I won’t. I love you and I will not leave you. Not again. I should have never left last night.”

“I told you already, you do not love me, not me. So just leave.”

“Yes, I do. I have a past too Trey. I was someone else before too. Would that matter to you? Yours does
not
matter to me, the only thing that matters to me is that I can love you. Someday you’ll love me too, I know you will, I believe in you, Trey. I believe in
us.
”

“
Damn it Ayden. We don’t live in a damn fairy tale. Why can’t you just get it? I will
never
love you. Get out.” She jumped up and went to the bathroom, practically stumbling and locked herself in. He sat there for over an hour, but she never came out. He left not wanting to. He even fixed her door on the way out, knowing she would lock him out again, but he knew he would get to her somehow.

She didn’t want to think, she refused to think at all. She waited for him to leave then took off to get more Jack and some joints. She went back to her house and forgot slipping back into the darkness she so badly wanted to be surrounded by.

He ran then ran some more. He went to the gym and worked himself to the core. He did everything he could to not go back to her. He drank himself to sleep once again. Then woke up the next day just to do it all over again. So did she, but she only stuck to drinking and smoking and darkness. There was no run for her, no training. There was no fights set up and there wouldn’t be until the spring semester. She couldn’t even bother with that anyway. And he sure would not hold back at all if he were to fight. So maybe no fights were a good thing.

Days went by in a complete blur for the both of them. Trey turned her phone off and kept her doors locked. She did not want any of the girls to bother her or Ayden. They would have to go back to school in three weeks, but neither one of them even wanted to think about it let alone start back up. ‘Fuck school, fuck all of it’ they both thought, completely screwed with the loss. His; the loss of her. Hers; the loss of herself.

A couple weeks went by in even more of a blur for the both of them. Ayden tried getting to her, but she was completely cut off. The girls would come by, but Trey never let them in. The shop stayed closed, she only left to restock for the darkness she so badly wanted to be lost in, without ever finding her way back to the pain that surrounded her.

Four days before the start of the semester Jos decided to stand her ground. That morning she hollered to Trey inside letting her know that she would sit on her front steps and not leave until she let them in. By noon they all were there. Ayden first with Dane and then Gwen. Trey was pissed, she just wanted to be left alone; left to be lost. She didn’t want them there to show how they care because she could never care for them. She text Gwen, she knew that she was the only chance she had at getting everyone to leave her alone. Gwen would convince them. She also knew that she would have to give them something even though she didn’t want to.

I will meet you guys to talk about the fights for lunch on the first day of school, please leave. I’ll c u then.

R U sure you don’t want to talk? I can sneak through the back alone.

No, just go. Get them all 2 leave.

K, I’m here if you want me.

K

She heard Ayden curse knowing that he would walk away right after he did. They all would. Her heart skipped a beat, but she didn’t want to think what that would mean, so she grabbed her bottle and a joint and went about the rest of her day soaking up the darkness. She knew that she would have to go to school, that she would have to deal with the fights and open her shop back up, but all she wanted to do was drowned her sorrow with the only one that ever made her feel good. Jack. He never talked back and she liked that. He made her forget everything and only focus on him. He sat silent in true understanding. ‘That is a true friend,’ she thought then drowned any other thoughts that would cause pain out with every bit of the next drink and the next hit.

Ayden headed straight to the bar. He couldn’t handle another minute without Trey. So he filled up on the next best thing. He ordered three shots right of the bat then a mixed drink. His head held up by his hands and elbows on the bar, hanging over his drink so no one would see the true sorrow deep within him. Pictures of Trey swirled in his drink, so the more he drank. He wanted to drink them all away. He wanted to forget her face just for one night. They just wouldn’t go away even when there was nothing left in his cup. He did it again and again hoping soon they would vanish from his mind the way the drinks were vanishing within minutes. He slammed the last down giving in, he knew it was impossible to forget her, she owned him, every bit of him. He stalked back to his house and barely passed out.

The next day came and went all of the same. But, the morning after that is when he finally snapped. He’d have to start classes the next day and he knew that if he didn’t have Trey he would not be able to succeed. He knew that if he didn’t wedge himself in her life again that she would not be complete. He wanted her complete, he needed her to be in order for her to be the best he knows she can be; the best he knows he can be with her by his side giving her his love.

He quietly broke into her house at six am unable to breath. He was so close to her and the anticipation to touch was stealing his breath away. He snuck in her room and watched her breathe in sleep. Every breath she took caused him to breathe. Six breaths later he crawled in next to her. She went from her back to her side and nuzzled his neck, breathing him in, pulling him closer and breathed out, “Ayden,” she spoke in a sexy and in a needed him kind of way.

“I’m here, I’ll always be here. I’m yours, completely yours.” He pulled her closer and rubbed her back in small circles, letting his hands tell her how much he loved her. They both fell back to sleep, a deep sleep.

“What the hell are you doing? Ayden,” She yelled, “Get up, get out.” She ripped the covers off of him. “Damn it Ayden, get out.” He sat up leaning against the headboard, pulling the blankets up to his waist and just stared at her. “Did you not hear me? Get out,” she yelled.

“If you still want me to get out after you hear me out than I’ll go.” He said as a matter of fact with a shrug.

“I don’t want to
hear you out,
I want you to Get Out.” She clipped the last two words hoping they stung, but he didn’t flinch, nor did he make a move to go.

“I think it’s a fair deal. After all I
am
yours. And you pushing me away is breaking
my
heart. Hearing me out is the least you can do.” He said nonchalant.

“I’m not making a deal with you, you are not mine and I don’t owe you shit, so get out before I make you.”

“I like your fire Trey I do really, but your forgetting, I’m the fire, I’m stronger in that. Now come here and sit down. I need you to listen to what I have to say.”

“No, get out.”

He gently moved the covers off of himself and stood while still staring in her eyes. He took a step toward her and she dropped the gaze. “Ha, alright don’t look at me. But know I’m just going to make it difficult for you not to.” He tore off his shirt and dropped his pants as she yelled, “Ayden don’t. Stop. Your being a complete ass. Put your fucking clothes back on, so I can drag your ass out.”

“No. Now you defiantly can’t just like you defiantly can’t keep your
eyes away from me long.”

“Oh the fuck I can’t, your body don’t do nothing for me.”

“Oh yeah, if that’s so true than why can’t you look at me, why can’t you stop fidgeting with your hands. You know you want to look, just look Trey.” She snapped her head up, skipping over his naked body and fixing her eyes only on his.
“Oh, come on. You really think that your body’s that great? You’re an egotistical ass, which just makes you ugly, anyway.”

“So much so that you won’t look at all at me, just my eyes? I saw your strain not to look, you want to look Trey. Just look, let yourself want.”

He took a closer step to her, but she took a step back. He took another and so did she, up against the wall. “Damn it, Ayden. I aint fucking prey. Stop stalking me and just leave.”

“I never stopped before and I’m certainly not going to stop now. And it’s technically not stalking just following where my master goes. Yup, I’m a
damn dog on a leash waiting for you to give me some attention. Touch me, Trey. You know you want to.”

“You are so
damn pathetic. Your audacity never impresses me.”

“Really? You can’t even look at me because you know if you do you’ll just want to touch me. It’s my audacity that attracts you.” He dropped his voice seductively, “Look at me, Trey.”

“No. Leave.”

He raised his hand to her neck and stroked her jaw with his thumb. She closed her eyes, “Stop, just go.” He ignored her, placing his other hand on her hip, slipping his thumb under her shirt and caressed her bare skin. She shivered and he pulled her in. He tilted her head up and whispered along her lips, “I effect you Trey, just like you control me. Stop denying us what we both need. You need to feel loved and I need to give it away. I only
want
to give it to you. I
need
to only give it to
you
. I’m under your control, I have been from the second I saw you, the second I looked into your eyes I became yours to control. I fought it for a little while when you didn’t accept me as yours, but I won’t anymore. I won’t mess with your control. The control is yours. Open your eyes Trey, look at me so you can see it’s true.”

He waited, but she didn’t respond, she couldn’t. He had to edge her on. His lips grazed hers, feather light, promising pleasure, promising her the words he just spoke if she just leaned into it; to take it. When she didn’t move forward to accept he pressed on, lightly stroking her bottom lip with his tongue. “Please Trey, let me love you the way you deserve.” He tightened his grip on her, running his tongue along her top lip, stroking her hip and jaw. “Control me Trey, I’m yours. Yours to control.” He placed his lips a whisper away grazing hers as he spoke, “Accept me, Treasack Sirona. Don’t throw me away.”

He spoke the words she was afraid of, moving her lips to his without a true kiss. Their lips resting on each other’s without the slightest movement; not even a breath. He wanted her to touch, wanted her to pull him closer and finish the kiss. He waited the antagonizing seconds until she accepted. She slipped her hands up to his waist pulling him closer and pressing her lips to his in acceptance. He wanted to cry, he wanted to laugh in joy, in surrender, he wanted to devour her with every last bit of energy she gave him. He smiled against her lips, letting a sigh slip. He pulled her tighter and deepened the kiss, sliding his hands down to cup her ass, with one swift motion she was latched onto his waist, locking her ankles behind him.

He walked her to the bed and laid her down, pressing her into the mattress with his weight. Devouring every breath she took, he needed it to replace the breath she’s taken from him with the wait, stolen from the kisses he now takes. Not greedily but aware-ly. He wanted her to want him, to make the next move and she did. She pulled back the slightest to let him see the need for him to make love to her, in her eyes. He dropped his forehead to hers and let out his first real breath. He picked up his head gazing at her as he pulled her shirt from her, he kissed her gently and ran his tongue along her neck. Kissing from her neck down to her breast, pulling her into his mouth and going to the next. She arched her back to get closer and a soft purr escaped her. He kissed down along her stomach while pulling her shorts from her. Kissing and licking along the edge of her panties, he slipped his fingers under and pulled them away exposing her completely.

He kissed back up to her lips as he ran his hands along the sides of her body not pressing his weight on her. Leaving the decision to her to slip his boxers from him, she did while he moaned from her kissing his neck, stripping away what was left keeping them apart. Easing her feet up to finish taking them from his body she reclaimed his lips. She pulled him down to her as she lifted to meet him, they both moaned at the connection, that’s been missed. She slipped down along him and back up letting him know she was wet and ready for him to take her to the next pleasure. He accommodated; slowly he entered her as he looked into her eyes to take in her pleasure he was giving her, it was his pleasure knowing he made her feel. Slowly he pulled back out and watched her want to pull him back in. He kissed her unable to watch anymore, she would bring him over with the look of want in her eyes and he was not ready, he wanted to make love to her for as long as she would let him.

He kissed her neck, whispered breaths in her ear as he made love to her. He felt her tighten with wanting release as she grazed his neck with her teeth, he couldn’t fight the battle no longer, he wanted to please her, give her what her body was demanding from his. He thrust deeper, capturing her lips as he quickened his pace. She tightened around him, capturing him in return, the release of freedom had them both moaning in pleasure. The battle for each other was over, but he wouldn’t let her go, demanded her to stay close. He pulled her with him to their sides and held on tight, coaxing her back to sleep with his hands that caressed her, lovingly. He fell with her into the darkness that kept them closer for longer.

When he woke, she was not in bed. His chest tightened and he jumped up. He threw his clothes on as fast as he could and went in search for her. She was nowhere in the house for him to find. He went outside, her bike was gone and so was his pride of hours before. She accepted him, but was now gone. He didn’t know how to take it or what he would do. He was at a loss. He dragged himself to his place and went to his sketchbook to capture the look of want in her eyes. He thought it was acceptance, but could he have been wrong. He paced from her house to his all night long. By midnight he gave in to his restlessness and fell asleep.