The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man (13 page)

• The celebration of a beloved sports team’s victory. Man hugs in this case can last far longer and be much more vigorous than normal.

How to Perform the International Man Hug

Figure 2.5 The International Man Hug.

1. Stand face-to-face.
Side hugging, in which one arm, or heaven forbid both arms, are wrapped around the shoulders or torso, and the head and cheek are pressed together is never appropriate.

2. Spread your arms wide to announce your intention of moving in for the hug.
This allows your friend to prepare himself and raise his arms in turn. You don’t want to catch him off guard and end up pinning his arms to his sides.

3. Commence the hug.
Don’t linger too long, just a couple of seconds will do. Don’t lean your head into your friend’s head or neck; this will come off as a nuzzle.

4. Pat your friend on the back with an open hand or closed fist.
As opposed to the feminine squeeze for emphasis, the slap is the distinguishing mark of a man hug.

5. Release the hug.
Pull your hands and arms briskly away as to avoid the impression that you are caressing your friend as you exit the embrace.

How to Perform the American Man Hug
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Figure 2.6 The American Man Hug.

Some men in America are not even completely comfortable with the fully embracing style of hugging, even when done correctly. For men who cannot quite bring themselves to use both arms in the hug, the American Man Hug is an appropriate compromise.

1. Begin with a traditional firm handshake

2. Keeping your hand clasped with your buddy, wrap the left arm around the shoulder of your friend.

3. Slap your friend’s back two times. As in the international style, the back slap is key.

4. Release embrace.

Beyond G-Strings and Keg Stands: Throwing a Classy Bachelor Party

One of the great traditions of male friendship is the holding of a bachelor party before a buddy gets hitched. Done right, the bachelor party can serve as a memorable weigh station in a man’s important rite of passage from single dude to manly husband.

The History of the Bachelor Party

Men may be surprised to learn that the tradition of having a bachelor party is rooted in ancient times. The Spartans, who originated the idea in the fifth century
b.c.
, would hold a dinner for the groom-to-be on the night before his wedding. The evening would be spent feasting and toasting the groom and each other.

The tradition of having a “bachelor’s dinner” continued into modern times. In the 1940s and 1950s the occasion was called a “gentlemen’s dinner.” It was thrown by the groom’s father and involved the same toasting and eating that the Spartans had enjoyed. These bachelor dinners were designed for male bonding and to celebrate the groom-to-be’s important rite of passage from single life to marriage.

Some time during the last few decades, the dinner was dropped and a party took its place. Breaking bread and toasting were exchanged for, or supplemented with, strippers, gambling and copious amounts of alcohol.

Fortunately these kinds of parties have been going out of style of late. Such parties neither honor the bride-to-be, who will be stressed by the temptations her fiancé may succumb to, nor respect your friend, who has likely reached a point of maturity in which he feels ready to get married and settle down. So instead of viewing a bachelor party as your friend’s last chance for debauchery, a party should really serve as a golden opportunity for male bonding, a chance to do activities that may become less frequent post-marriage and a time to blow off any prenuptial jitters.

Planning and Executing a Gentlemanly Bachelor’s Party

If you are selected to be your friend’s best man in his wedding, the job of planning this ancient tradition rests on your shoulders. Following these steps will ensure that you honor your best friend with a bachelor’s party that is both classy and enjoyable.

Pick an Activity

The first step in planning a bachelor party is to choose an activity to center the party around. Just because your fiesta won’t involve stuffing dollar bills into G-strings doesn’t mean you can’t get your
jollification
on. There are plenty of other activities that will unleash your testosterone and get your heart pumping. Here are just a few ideas:

• Rent Jet Skis for a day on the water

• Go snow skiing or snowboarding

• Attend a professional or collegiate sporting event

• Attend a boxing or mixed martial arts match

• Spend the day golfing

Figure 2.7 The first step in planning a bachelor party is to choose an activity to center the party around. For example, you could spend the day golfing.

• Take a deep-sea fishing trip, charter a fishing boat or take a lesson in fly-fishing

• Plan a game of a football, basketball, soccer or bowling

• Play a poker tournament

• Go play paintball

• Take a camping or backpacking trip

As you’re choosing an activity, keep these tips in mind:

• Don’t do anything insanely dangerous. You want to have fun, but you don’t want to risk breaking one of the groom’s limbs. He’ll find it difficult to go scuba diving on his honeymoon with a cast on his leg.

• It’s nice to surprise your friend with what he’ll be doing at his party, but be sure to cater to his personality and interests.

• Consider the relative budgets of your friends. You don’t want some of the groom’s friends to skip the party because they can’t afford to come.

• After you choose an activity for the bachelor’s party, plan for a meal to follow it. If the weather is warm, a backyard cookout makes an excellent choice. If it’s cooler, or you simply desire something more formal, rent a room at your friend’s favorite restaurant.

• At the dinner, encourage your friends to make funny roasts and poignant toasts. They may also wish to impart words of wisdom to the groom. If you have some advice or want to say things that won’t be included in your best man speech, contribute to the toasting.

Choose a Date

There are several considerations to take into account when planning the date of the party. While it is tempting to have the party the night before the wedding when all the guests are in town, this is not an appropriate choice. The groom needs to be sharp for the next day’s ceremony, not all tuckered out. Also, a rehearsal dinner is often planned for the same night and would conflict with your party. So choose a date several weeks before the wedding. If many of the groom’s friends live out-of-state, you may want to push it back even further, so they need not make the same trip twice in a short period of time.

Send Out the Invitations

Invite all the men in the wedding party and all of the groom’s good friends and male relatives with whom he is close. Traditionally it is considered impolite to invite people to prewedding functions that are not invited to the wedding itself. Yet this rule has always been applied more ambiguously when it comes to bachelor parties. If the groom is having a very small wedding or a destination wedding, it may be appropriate to invite friends who are not invited to the main event. Consult with the groom as you compile the guest list.

Send out the invitations about three weeks before the party. The invitations should match the party’s level of formality. If the party is to be formal, send quality handwritten invitations through the mail. If the party is going to be a more casual affair, a phone call or e-mail will do. If the party will involve an activity such as the ones mentioned above, include information such as the cost, meeting place and time, maps, etc.

Each invitee should be responsible for paying for the cost of himself and chipping into the cost for the groom. In the invitation, include a respectful request for a check to be sent to you for the appropriate amount.

Give a Best Man Speech That Won’t Make People Cringe

At some point in your life, one of your buddies or your brother will probably ask you to be the best man in his wedding. This is a great honor. One of the duties of a best man is to give a speech wherein you say a few kind words about your friend/brother and his new wife. If you’ve been to many weddings, you know that oftentimes best man speeches can quickly devolve into an awkward, drunken spectacle. The mixture of booze and lack of preparation results in the best man rambling and sharing inappropriate and embarrassing stories about the groom in front of hundreds of family and friends.

If you don’t want to make yourself look like a
classical ignoramus
and you want to truly be the best man, here are a few pointers to keep in mind as you prepare to give your speech:

Prepare.
Don’t walk into the wedding reception thinking you’ll know exactly what to say when you get there. If you have a few months before the wedding, start mulling over some ideas for the speech. Begin brainstorming and jotting down thoughts, stories, jokes and quotes you might want to use. If you don’t know a lot about how your buddy and his wife met, ask. Think of stories from you and your buddy’s past that show what a great guy he is. The goal of the speech is to celebrate the couple and make them look good.