Pieces of My Heart (27 page)

‘How did you know this was my bedroom window? Have you been stalking me or something?’

‘Love, babe. Love showed me the way.’ Bobby cringed as he said the lines. Paul, Charlie and I tried not to laugh.

‘Ohmigod, I am so embarrassed right now,’ Juliet said. ‘Do you really love me? Don’t mess me around. I’ve been really forward with you. I’ve come on strong, which is so not like me. But I’m really into you, so be straight with me.’

‘Are you kidding me? I am totally into you. I swear on my Brian O’Driscoll Grand Slam signed jersey that –’

‘That’s your most favourite possession ever.’

‘I know, babe. Listen, Juliet, I’m seriously into you.’

‘This is mad. We need to slow things down. It could just be a bit of a flirt.’

‘Hello! I just said I loved you. I don’t say that to other girls.’

‘OK, chill. I love you too.’

‘I said it first.’

‘Well, Romeo, I, like, really, really love you. I love you to infinity. Oh, no, someone’s coming, I’ve got to go. Look, if you’re really serious about me, text me tomorrow first thing.’

‘OK, cool. Goodnight, and I’ll totally be on to you in the a.m.’

‘I’ll marry you. Gotta fly.’

‘That line is stupid – I haven’t asked you to marry me yet,’ Bobby grumbled. ‘Juliet is way too pushy. I’d never go for her.’

‘How many times do I have to explain? It’s not real life, it’s a play.’

‘I know, but Romeo is a dork who gets bitch-slapped. I don’t want to play him.’

Sarah tossed her hair. ‘Fine. I’ll ask Adrian Shandwick to do it. I know he’d be delighted to step in and take your place.’

‘He’s a tosser.’

‘Actually, he’s really cute. I’ll go and ring him now.’

‘There’s no need to be like that. I’m just saying I think Romeo could be a bit more macho. No guy likes to be forced into marriage. She should give him the chance to ask first.’

‘Well, that’s the way Shakespeare wrote it.’

‘Yeah, well, dudes nowadays are a lot more butch. They don’t go around all day in culottes and stupid hats with feathers coming out of them, writing poems.’

‘I’m calling Adrian.’

‘Don’t! I’ll say the stupid lines. But I’m not wearing culottes in the play. I’m wearing jeans and that’s it.’

‘OK, whatever. Can we just get on with it?’ Sarah barked, hiding behind the couch.

Bobby rearranged his pink beret and got back into character. ‘Leaving you now is worse than losing the rugby school cup final, or missing the last episode of
24
. Farewell, Juliet, catch you tomorrow.’ With that, Romeo walked towards the door.

Sarah came out from behind the couch. ‘Ta-da. So, what did you think?’

Charlie set us off – he just couldn’t hold it in. Having managed to control ourselves throughout the ‘performance’, we now just fell apart. Tears streamed down our faces and none of us could speak. It was such a welcome relief from worrying about Ali, there was a slight hysteria to it, a letting loose of emotions.

‘It’s not supposed to be a comedy.’ Bobby seemed puzzled.

‘I don’t know what you’re laughing at. They both die in the end. It’s a really sad story, a tragedy. You’re total ignorant-anuses or whatever,’ said our very own Juliet, as she flounced out of the door followed by her star-crossed lover.

We were still laughing when Nadia arrived in, looking very pleased with herself. ‘I haff news for you.’

‘What news?’ Charlie asked her.

‘I knowing how to make Aleeson better. My friend tell me her daughter haff the same problem. She not eating, so my friend sit on top of her, tie her hands together and push the food into her mouth. Daughter crying and shouting, “No, no.” Mother says, “Efery day you no eat, I do this.” Now the daughter eating again. Aleeson don’t need clinic, you need be stronger with her. You are too nice. I help you. I sit on her and you push food in.’

‘Nadia, if you sat on Ali, she’d snap in two,’ Paul pointed out. ‘I’m not sure that tying our daughter up and force-feeding her is the answer to her problems, but thanks for the suggestion.’

‘You needs to say no to your childrens.’

‘Thank you, Nadia, but I don’t appreciate being told how to raise my children by someone who has none,’ I snapped. Who the hell did she think she was, coming in here and telling me how to be a mother? I felt bad enough about Ali as it was. I didn’t need Nadia rubbing salt into the wound.

‘Don’t bite her head off,’ Charlie interrupted. ‘Nadia’s only trying to help.’

‘By suggesting I treat my daughter like a farmyard animal?’

‘Calm down, pet. She was only making a suggestion.’ Charlie defended his fiancée.

‘It’s a ridiculous one. It’s barbaric.’

‘She’s just trying to help. She’s very fond of Ali.’

‘That true. Aleeson has always been fery nice to me. Making cakes and asking about my dancing. She is luffly girl. Sarah is fery different. She is hard. I thinks you will haff problems with her. You needs say no to her.’

‘Mum and Dad say no to me all the bloody time, thank you very much,’ Sarah said, coming back into the room as Bobby left. ‘And I’m not hard, I just have very good self-esteem, which is probably why I’m down here talking to you and not eating one cornflake a day like perfect Ali who you’re so mad about.’

‘Sarah, there’s no need to be rude,’ Charlie said.

‘She’s entitled to defend herself,’ Paul jumped in.

‘In my town, childrens don’t talk to adults like this.’

Would this stupid woman ever shut up? ‘As I said, Nadia, someone without children should not be dishing out advice. I don’t tell you how to pole dance so don’t tell me how to discipline my children – and please feel free to move back to your village with the polite children any time you like.’

‘Actually I do having the children,’ Nadia announced.

‘
What?
’

‘I pregnant.’

31

‘Jesus Christ!’ Paul exclaimed.

‘Jesus Christ!’ I shouted.

‘Jesus Christ! Are you serious? Is it true?’ Charlie whooped.

‘Jesus Christ! This family just gets weirder,’ Sarah said.

‘I’m going to be a daddy.’ Charlie jumped up and hugged Nadia.

‘Seriously, Charlie, you’ll be, like, a hundred when the kid is fifteen,’ Sarah pointed out, maths never being her strong point.

‘There’s life in the old dog yet.’ Charlie grinned.

‘My sixty-eight-year-old father is going to have a baby. Well, that’s fan-fucking-tastic. Can this day get any better?’

‘Why you no happy for me?’ Nadia snapped. ‘I make you daddy happy man. I giff him sex, luff and now a baby.’

‘When is this baby due?’ I asked. It could be a ploy to extract money from him. She could be lying.

‘I not know. I only do test today. I go to doctor tomorrow. I fery happy.’

‘So am I.’ Charlie kissed her.

‘I can’t deal with this right now.’ I got up to leave the room.

‘A bit of enthusiasm wouldn’t go amiss,’ Charlie muttered. ‘You always said you’d love a sister or brother.’

‘WHEN I WAS SEVEN! I’m sorry, Charlie, but I’m finding it difficult to get excited about the prospect of my father siring a half-sister or -brother four decades younger than me. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now.’

‘It’ll give us all a lift to have a baby in the house,’ Charlie replied.

‘IT’S INSANE!’ I shouted, grabbing my coat and keys and storming out of the door.

*

I drove straight to Sally’s apartment. Thankfully she was in and alone. I sat down on her couch and put my head in my hands. ‘Sally, you’re not going to believe the time I’ve had.’

‘I’m listening,’ she said, pouring me a glass of wine and sitting down on the opposite couch curling her legs up. Her apartment was decorated in two key colours – cream and beige. Everything in it had a purpose and a place. There was no chaos; it was elegant and uncluttered. I felt calmer just being there.

I told her about the disastrous weigh-in with Mary Boland and how she had booked Ali into the Gretta Lyndon Clinic. I told her that Ali would be having very intense sessions with Mary for the first few days to try to get to the bottom of her anorexia. ‘They said the first week is when the patients are most vulnerable and open to talking. It all sounds very full-on but I have to trust them – they have amazing success rates.’

‘Poor you and poor Ali.’

‘I always thought I was lucky with Ali because she was such an easy child – happy and good-natured. But now I think Sarah’s the easy one, because she’s self-sufficient and confident and sure of herself. Ali needs much more care, attention and nurturing. All the websites I’ve been on say that girls who develop anorexia suffer from low self-esteem. I know I’ve made mistakes as a mother, but I always made sure I told the girls how great they were and how proud I was of them. So, why is Ali’s self-esteem so low?’

Sally put her glass down. ‘Self-esteem comes and goes depending on what life throws at you. I used to be incredibly confident, a bit like Sarah, but then I met Jeremy. I knew he was married and what I was doing was wrong, but he said he was going to leave his wife and I was so mad about him I ignored all the warning bells in my head. After three years with him, my confidence and self-esteem were shattered. He had lied to me, manipulated me, used me and turned me into a clingy, possessive, paranoid wreck. It took me a long time to build myself back up.’

‘Oh, Sally, it must have been awful. How did you do it?’

‘One small step at a time.’

‘Ali’s going to the clinic in the morning. I feel sick every time I think about it. I’m putting my seventeen-year-old daughter into a clinic. She keeps begging me not to, but the doctor said it’s vital she gets proper help.’

‘Keep reminding yourself that you’re doing this to help her, not harm her. The sooner she goes in, the sooner she’ll come out.’

‘How did everything get so messed up? We were sailing along and then,
bam
, this happens. And the irony is that I was just thinking my parenting days were nearly over. As far as I was concerned Ali was raised. I only had a couple of years left keeping an eye on Sarah and then that was it. I could kick back and relax. I’d done it. I’d raised two great kids. The hard part was over. Now I could enjoy having fun with them as adults. But the hard part is only beginning. Mary Boland said that Ali’s recovery will be a slow and frustrating process.’

‘Why don’t you take a couple of months off from the business and just focus on Ali?’

‘To be honest, Sally, I need to go to work – it’ll be a welcome distraction. I’d go mad sitting at home, worrying. Besides, the clinic is costing a fortune so I could do with the money.’

‘Well, any time you’re feeling overwhelmed just let me know and take a few days off.’

‘What I’d really like to do is take a one-way flight to Brazil – especially now, with Nadia pregnant on top of everything –’

‘WHAT?’

‘Yes! I forgot to tell you. Nadia has just announced she’s expecting Charlie’s baby.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Would I joke about it?’

‘What a mess.’

‘Tell me about it. He’s completely trapped now. She’ll take him to the cleaner’s.’

‘Are you sure it’s his baby?’ Sally asked.

‘It
could
be someone else’s,’ I said, perking up. ‘She’s a pole dancer. Why would she be faithful to an old man? But how can we find out?’

‘DNA test.’

‘But you can only do that after the baby’s born, by which stage she’ll have fleeced him.’

‘Well, on
CSI
or
NYPD Blue
or one of those shows, there was an episode about this. Apparently at about thirteen weeks, if you get a blood sample from the pregnant woman, that blood carries the baby’s DNA, which can then be compared to the father’s blood.’

‘OK, Sherlock – but how do you propose we ask Nadia for a blood sample without her becoming suspicious?’

‘I haven’t worked that bit out yet.’

‘Maybe we could give her a sleeping tablet and then draw blood,’ I suggested.

‘I’m not sure that drugging a pregnant woman is a good idea, or that it’s legal. If it’s not Charlie’s baby, she’ll slip up eventually.’

‘What if it is Charlie’s child?’

Sally didn’t have an answer for that.

‘Maybe I should fly to Fiji instead. It’s further than Brazil. No one would find me there. Oh, God, Sally, how did everything get so complicated?’

‘You’re having a rotten time, but it’s all fixable. Just take it one day at a time. Ali will go to the clinic and get better. Charlie will find out soon enough if this baby is his or not. In the meantime, try to make sure he doesn’t give Nadia lots of money. In a way, having her living with you is good, because you can keep a close eye on her.’

Suddenly I heard a loud voice shouting, ‘Sally Keene is a whore. She’s screwing my husband.’

‘What the hell?’ I stuttered.

‘Simon’s psycho ex-wife,’ she explained. ‘I now have a stalker. I always quite fancied having a stalker – a man who was so obsessed with me that he’d hang around my house just to catch a glimpse of me in my car, go through my bins so he could have a chocolate wrapper of mine to keep, have my pictures plastered all over the walls of his house … and tell everyone who’d listen how incredible I was. But, no. My stalker is my new boyfriend’s psychotic ex-wife who stands outside my apartment every night shouting, “Sally Keene is a whore.” I called the police and they warned her off. So yesterday she put pictures of her wedding day through my letterbox with “home-wrecker” written across them. They should have freaked me out but actually they’re quite reassuring because Simon looks miserable in all of them.’

‘So how is he?’

‘He’s pretty great.’ She smiled. ‘It’s only been a few days, but it’s been really great.’

‘So you’ve seen him a few times since Saturday?’

‘He never really moved out after Saturday,’ she said, beaming.

‘That’s fantastic. When can I meet him?’

‘I’m not going to introduce him to anyone for a while. I just want to take this one really slowly.’

‘I totally understand. But as soon as you’re ready let me know.’

‘I promise you’ll be the first person he meets.’

‘I’m thrilled for you. Enjoy every minute of it.’