Just Breathe Trilogy Box Set (124 page)

Five days later, we’re back in Pasadena with the Nelson’s and Joe’s parents at the penthouse. Anna and the new staff are frantically trying to pack up all the things in my apartment. I divided things up for what needs to be put into storage that hasn't already gone with me to Joe’s place. While trying to get settled at Joe’s, we’re also having midwife and doula interviews, researching and learning more about the baby, and planning to do some house shopping at the same time. Thank God my businesses are self-sustaining, or else half of this would drive me crazy.

Joe and I interview five different women for both a midwife and doula position and choose two ladies who have worked together a number of times and seem to mesh well as a team and with Joe and me. Brenda, our midwife, has delivered over thirty children successfully at home, with a third of them being water births. Gwen, our doula, has been coaching almost the same number of women with eight of hers being the same clients as Brenda’s.

Joe and I discover that even though we’ve been reading and processing a lot, as well as retaining a good bit of information, there is still a bit more to learn and get comfortable with as things progress with the baby. I think that I’m going to need to look at this child as a business adventure in order to cope and handle things better for the time being.

The penthouse is filled with every bedroom taken by guests. Mr. and Mrs. Nelson are in the first main guest bedroom as my apartment is cleaned and rearranged. They’ve elected to keep a few of their own things, bring over a few of my parents and are now working on the smaller items on their list. Mr. and Mrs. Covelli are in another guest room while John Jr. and Emily and the kids are in Jimmy’s and Allen’s room while they’re sleeping in the den.

“Good news,” Mrs. Covelli announces as we sit down for dinner.

“What?” Jimmy asks.

“Your father and I have purchased the next door penthouse,” she shares.

“What?” Joe says, almost choking on his wine.

“Well,” she continues. “We don’t want to intrude each time we come out to visit you two and you’ll need more room as it gets closer to the baby arriving. You won’t want everyone here as the due date gets closer. And, well, we’re going to be here more often to visit. So, we’ve gotten our first California property next door.”

Jimmy snickers under his breath.

“Right next door?” Joe checks, wanting to clarify.

“Yes,” Mr. Covelli verifies.

“Well,” Jimmy comments. “At least they aren’t moving in here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mrs. Covelli questions.

“Nothing, mother,” Jimmy states, back peddling. “I’m sure Joe and Emma are happy to have you and dad so close.”

“Why wouldn’t they?” she presses.

“We’re happy to have you in town for any occasion,” I comment, wanting to keep the peace. “Right, Joe?”

Joe looks at me blankly. Since he doesn’t answer right away, I kick him under the table hard enough to illicit him to speak.

“Yes,” Joe coughs. “We’re happy to have you right next door,” Joe says, slowing down on his last few words. He turns to Anna and without a word, she knows what he’s thinking and brings him a glass of scotch.

“It’s not like the walls are thin,” Jimmy jokes.

My cheeks tingle and I refrain from smiling at his insinuation.

“Oh, stop it,” Mrs. Covelli commands. “There will be enough privacy. We may be old, but we’re not oblivious to things. Just because your father and I don’t comment on certain topics doesn’t mean we aren’t aware. We know they have sex. How else do you think Emma got pregnant?”

I swear even the crickets down on the street stop chirping immediately following Mrs. Covelli’s statement.

Jimmy and Allen do their best not to laugh. Joe’s face goes a little pale as he takes another gulp of scotch and I watch everyone avoid the topic as they remain quiet and resume eating.

“The weather is quite lovely out here. Isn’t it, mom?” Emily says first, breaking the long silence.

“It is,” Mrs. Covelli replies. “Emma, sweetheart, how’s the winter here?”

“Mild,” I answer. “Not cold enough for snow, but up in the mountains there will be.”

“Lovely,” she comments.

“How are things coming with the paperwork for your father’s investments,” Mr. Covelli inquires.

“Good,” I return. “They’ll take some time to process and decide what I want to do, but it’s less complicated than some of the other stuff that’s going on.”

“What’s more complicated than business stuff?” Emily questions.

“Well,” I begin and then clear my throat. “There’s all the stuff Joe and I are learning about the baby. Getting the apartment ready for Mr. and Mrs. Nelson, and Joe was thinking about us getting a house too before the baby arrives.”

Emily giggles.

“What’s so funny?” I search.

“Usually, most people would complain that the business side of things is the more stressful of tasks,” she explains.

“Business is second nature for Emma,” Joe comments. “Planning to move and getting ready for a baby isn’t.”

“You’ve got a point there, son,” Mr. Covelli states.

“As much planning as you’re doing, Emma,” Mrs. Nelson says. “You’ll never really be ready for the day he, or she, comes into this world.”

“Exactly,” I confirm. “Business is easy. I know what to expect or how to solve the challenge. But this . . .” I say rubbing my belly, “. . . this is completely foreign, which is why taking care of as many things as I can, that I can control, will relax me.”

“You have us,” Mrs. Covelli reminds, gesturing to everyone at the table. “We’re here to help.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy adds. “Right next door too, just to be exact.”

Everyone glares at Jimmy for his remark, but no one comments.

After a few moments of silence, Lily inquires, “Does that make Emma my aunt now?”

“Does what make her your aunt?” Emily questions.

“That she’s having a baby,” Lily explains.

“Emma having a baby won’t make her your aunt,” Emily shares.

“No, but the fact that Uncle Joe here is the baby’s father practically makes her your aunt,” Jimmy comments.

“Babe,” Allen quietly chides.

“What? It’s the truth,” Jimmy defends.

“When did they get married?” Lily asks, pouting. “I didn’t go to the wedding. Why didn’t I go, mommy?”

“They aren’t married, sweetie,” Emily corrects.

“Then, how is Emma having a baby?” Lily presses. “You told me only mommies and daddies who are married can have babies . . . and if they aren’t married . . . .”

“Most mommies and daddies are married when they have a child or children,” John Jr. says, stepping in. “Some children can have two mommies or two daddies, remember?”

“Yes,” Lily confirms. “But, mommy said that it takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. So, how does someone have two daddies or two mommies instead?”

“Love,” Mrs. Covelli answers. “Love comes in all forms. And, there are many marriages where there is no love as well as many relationships where there is nothing but love, and no marriage.”

“Do you love Emma, Uncle Joe?” Lily poses.

Smiling and kissing the back of my hand, Joe replies, “Yes.”

“Do you love Uncle Joe, Emma?” Lily asks.

I know that Joe and I have said
I love you
to each other a number of times, some of it maybe in passing when someone may be in earshot, but I’ve never blatantly said it to him when everyone’s attention is on us. Butterflies dance in my belly at having to answer, but I know it must be revealed.

“Yes,” I say quietly.

“Then, why aren’t you married?” Lily presses.

“Not everyone who is in love gets married,” Emily explains. “You love pizza and ice cream, right?”

“Right,” confirms Lily.

“You love your brother, your daddy, and grandma and grandpa, right?” Emily continues.

“Yes,” Lily agrees happily.

“Well, even though you love things and people, doesn’t mean you just marry them all,” Emily comments. “It takes more than just your love, or your love from someone else, for them to get married.”

“Like what?” Lily asks innocently.

“A baby,” Jimmy jabs.

I feel like all eyes are on me now, since all of them know that it didn’t turn out well when Joe asked me to marry him — and has yet to do it again. Embarrassment creeps into my veins, wishing I didn’t hesitate when he did ask.

“Enough, Jimmy,” Joe scolds sternly. “That’s enough.”

Complete silence slaps the room — no one was expecting Joe to speak up, let alone for the conversation to go where it has.

“You can call me Aunt Emma, if you’d like,” I offer to Lily a few seconds later. “I wouldn’t mind that at all if you did.”

Lily’s bright smile returns, but it’s not a full smile. Her gaze bounces between Joe and me a few times before saying, “I don’t. Mind, that is, Aunt Emma.”

“Good,” I reply.

An hour before our usual
bedtime
, Joe and I are already changed and lounging in his bed, wanting to have some time alone, and I’m not even talking about sex. Since the moment we’ve returned to Pasadena, there’s always someone in the house, restricting our ability to completely relax or have privacy unless we lock ourselves in his bedroom — our bedroom.

“What did you think of the three houses we saw today?” Joe asks, lacing his fingers in and out of mine while my back rests against his chest.

“They were okay,” I reply.

“That’s what I was thinking,” Joe returns.

“What?”

“That they were okay,” Joe explains. “Not great, just okay.”

I nod, happy to know we feel the same way. Even though this penthouse was never mine to begin with, it still feels more like home than the properties we saw. My mind drifts, thinking about how Joe and I are having a baby and are shopping for a house like we’re already married — but, we’re not. Disappointment sets in as a variety of thoughts run through my head as to why Joe hasn’t asked me to marry him. Does he not want to? Do I need to do something to make him know that I would say yes?

We’ve purposefully disappeared each week away from his family and our friends when we’ve had too much of other people. Each place he takes me to, I wonder if and how he’d propose. I thought for sure he would have when we went back to Spago for dinner last — especially since we’ve had a lot of major things happen there; our first date and Valentine’s Day being the most significant.

“I’m sorry,” Joe apologizes.

“For what?”

“For earlier . . . for Jimmy,” Joe reveals.

“You can’t control Jimmy,” I remind.

“I know,” Joe admits. “But, it wasn’t . . . .”

“Ignore it,” I encourage, not letting him finish. “I’ve moved on and so should you.”

I hope that Joe hasn’t caught onto my lie — Jimmy did get to me a little.

“I don’t know why he’s been saying things like that more often,” Joe states.

“He’s your big brother,” I remind. “That’s what they do. Besides, even for all his teasing, it means he loves us . . . he only wants the best for us, you know?”

“I know,” Joe huffs, pulling me into him. “I just don’t like how he’s putting you on the spot.”

“Why?” I ask. “Because you already asked me to marry you and I said . . .
no
?” It is hard for me to say the last word, wanting to beg him to ask me again to change that answer.

“Yes,” Joe answers. “I don’t like how he’s hounding you.”

“He’s hounding you too,” I state, trying to deflect what’s really bothering me.

“How so?”

With a chuckle, I explain, “He’s teasing you because he was there when it happened.”

As much as I’m trying to make light of Jimmy’s teasing, knowing it’s meant with love and in good fun, it’s still hard to be positive about it. I’ve regretted my response ever since that word escaped my lips that day in the mountains.

“It’s still not right,” Joe comments.

I don’t say anything, not sure of what to say as we lay with our bodies entwined.

After several minutes, I say, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For putting you in the position to where Jimmy can tease you,” I explain. “And, where you feel like you have to defend yourself, let alone me.”

“Don’t, Emma,” Joe chides sweetly. “Don’t do that.”

“Why,” I counter. “If I had said a different answer, this wouldn’t be bothering you right now.”

“Don’t you mean he?
He
wouldn’t be bothering me right now?”

“No,” I correct. “I meant
this
, as in the topic of marriage.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because, that’s what this is really about, isn’t it? You asked and I said
no
,” I present, feeling the anger rise inside me. “If I had just said yes, it wouldn’t have been brought up at dinner and . . . .”

“Emma,” Joe calls, cutting me off.

“What?” I snap, pulling away from him as I get up from the bed.

“Emma,” he repeats.

“What?” I say a little more loudly this time. “If anyone was being roasted out there it was me, not you. I know he meant it to be funny, but it’s not.”

Joe reaches for me, trying to calm me.

“Don’t,” I say heatedly. “Don’t.”

My emotions are all over the place right now. Anger, sadness, helplessness and so many more feelings tornado through me and I can’t handle them. I’ve dealt with emotions like this in the past, but this time, it’s more intense. God damn hormones and pregnancy.

“Why don’t you try some tapping,” Joe coaxes.

“I don’t need therapy right now,” I bark, officially getting angry for some odd reason.

“Emma, beautiful,” Joe calls, trying to calm me.

“No,” I return. “I don’t need tapping right now. I just need to be left alone.” Slamming the bathroom door behind me, I slump to the floor with my back against the vanity. My head rests against my forearms as they’re draped across my bent knees. Tears pour down my cheeks as Sadie tries to comfort me with her nose, pushing up at the bottom of my arms to let herself in for a hug.

Why did I snap at Joe? He didn’t do anything. No — I know why. I’m taking it out on him for my own embarrassment. I’m not embarrassed by what Jimmy or anyone else was saying, I’m embarrassed at the fact that I told Joe
no
when he asked me to marry him and that everyone knows it. Anna had confirmed it for me a while back. I had to practically pry the answers from her, but she cracked. I wonder if I made her feel bad enough to tell me? I’m not upset that everyone was talking about me — about Joe — about us. I’m upset that I don’t have the courage to tell Joe that I messed up when he asked me — if he’d only ask me again, I know I wouldn’t feel this way.