Inside Heat (18 page)

Everyone knew about her friendship with the Holder brothers, but none knew the extent of her association. It was something they all agreed was their private business, so Megan put on her best face before she approached her fellow night nurses to ask them to cover the last hour of her shift. After explaining what happened, and that Jeff requested she come help him make sense of the tests, Megan was on her way.

Jason met her at the gate and escorted her to the clubhouse. A few team members lingered, still celebrating the win. Jeff sat bare-chested and barefoot on an exam table in the trainer’s office - a giant icepack taped to his elbow. Her heart fluttered at the sight of him looking so vulnerable. There was still a dull shadow in his eyes. He was still hurting. How much of that was physical, and how much was worry over his career, she didn’t know.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m okay. It’s not as bad as they think it is.” He shrugged his shoulder to emphasize his point.

“Your shoulder isn’t the problem,” she stated. “I was asking about the elbow.”

“It’s going to be fine. Ice. Rest. I’ll be good to go in a few days.”

She would have laughed had it not been so obvious the man was delusional. “What did the trainer say?”

“He’s arranging an MRI now.”

“Uh huh. That’s what I thought.”

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t need one, but they do MRI’s on everything these days.”

“See? Was I right?” Jason piped in. “He’s being an ass.”

No. He wasn’t being an ass. From where she stood he looked like a frightened little boy. She closed the distance between them until she stood between his spread legs. “It’s going to be alright. We’ll get the MRI, then see what we need to do.” She wanted to erase the fear from his eyes, but nothing she could say would do that, so she cradled his face in her palms and lowered her lips to his. For a moment, he let her kiss him, then slowly, he relaxed and his lips began to move against hers. She forgot about everything but Jeff and the way he made her feel, like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She forgot about her crappy day. She forgot they were in the Mustangs’ clubhouse. She forgot about Jason. Forgot they had an audience.

“Uh, I hate to break this up, but this is a public place.”

Megan broke the kiss and stepped back. “I’m sorry. I…I forgot.”

“It’s okay,” Jeff said. “No one saw.”

In the nearly two years she’d been with Jeff and Jason, she’d never felt like what they were doing was wrong. Not until now. Jeff might as well have hit her with a bat. This was the reality. It was only okay if no one saw. Jeff needed her, and she’d have to keep her distance so no one would find out about their dirty little secret. Her.

Her stomach twisted into a tight ball. God, she loved him so much, and she’d have to act as if he was nothing more than a casual friend – just as she’d done earlier so she could rush to be by his side tonight. “It won’t happen again.”

“Megan –”

“Hey, there.” A tall man wearing a dress shirt and slacks, topped by a Mustangs jacket stepped into the room. “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”

Jason stepped up. “Rand, this is Megan. This is Rand Evers, the team trainer. Megan is a pediatric nurse, and a friend. I thought Jeff might listen to her.”

“Good idea.” Mr. Evers extended his hand. “Nice to meet you, Megan.”

Megan squelched her disappointment and hurt as she shook his hand. This was about Jeff, not her. There’d be time later to think about what had just happened. “Thank you. I don’t know if he’ll listen to me or not, but I’ll do what I can.”

“Well, I have the MRI scheduled. They’ll take you as soon as you can get over there. No need putting it off.”

“I don’t think –”

Megan reeled on him before he could finish the sentence. “You don’t think? What do you know, Jeff Holder? Are you a doctor?” She didn’t give him time to respond. Concern for him, coupled with her own pain of being an outsider as far as the world was concerned made her words harsher than she intended. “No, you’re not. You’re going to get the MRI, then we’re going to listen to the doctors and you are going do what they say. Let’s go. I’ll drive.”

“I can take him,” Jason offered.

“No. You drive like an idiot. I want him to get there alive.” As soon as the words left her lips, she wished she could take them back. None of this was Jason’s fault anymore than it was Jeff’s. She’d known what she was getting into when she agreed to move in with them. That she’d fallen in love with Jeff was her fault.

Jason backed away, his hands up in surrender. His lips curved up on the corners. “Okay, okay. I’ll meet you there.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

“No problem. You’re right.” His easy smile said all was forgiven. “I’ll follow to make sure you get there alright, then I’ll go on home. We still have a game tomorrow, and there isn’t a thing I can do for him.”

Chapter Seventeen

Talk about hell. This was it.

Megan brushed tears from her face. She’d cried more in the last week than she had the whole rest of her life combined. They’d lost another child today. Maybe it was time for her to change to a regular hospital, to put some distance between the children and her. Once, she’d been good at separating herself from the kids. At least, she’d been able to keep a professional distance, but lately, she’d lost her heart to a desperately ill child way too often. She didn’t know how much more heartbreak she could take.

Her heart still ached when she thought of the way Jason and Jeff had treated her the night Jeff injured his arm. She’d fooled herself into thinking she meant more to them than a convenient sex partner, but they’d put her in her place, and broken her heart in two.

Now, for the umpteenth time in a week, she was hiding in the linen closet, crying her eyes out. And while she was dampening yet another clean towel, Jeff was in an operating room on the other side of town, undergoing surgery on his elbow. She should be there, sitting in the waiting room with Jason. They’d scheduled the surgery in between games so Jason could be there for his brother, but in a few hours, Jason would be leaving with the team in pursuit of the regional championship – one-step closer to the World Series. Then it would be just Jeff and her for the next week, maybe more if the team won the five game series and advanced in the playoffs.

Megan dug deep for the courage she needed to go on. Another hour and she’d be off work and her vacation would begin. She’d been lucky to get time off on such short notice. If things had been different, she’d be thrilled about spending time alone with Jeff, but things weren’t different. They were what they were. Jeff needed someone to take care of him, and she was it. He’d told her not to use her vacation to babysit him, but Jason had asked otherwise. Ever since his injury, Jeff had been worse than difficult. He’d argued against the surgery, convinced in his own mind that the usual orthopedic advice would do the trick – R.I.C.E., rest, ice, compression and elevation. A bevy of doctors had eventually convinced him he was wrong and he’d reluctantly agreed to have the surgery.

Named after the first pitcher to have the surgery and make a successful comeback in the major leagues, Tommy John surgery was routinely performed now on athletes at all levels of the spectrum. If Jeff followed the physical therapy regime lined out for him, there was no reason to believe he wouldn’t make a full recovery and be back in the bullpen by next season’s All Star break.

The hard part would be hiding her own pain from Jeff. She couldn’t let him see how much his and Jason’s actions had hurt her. For the next week, she’d be his private nurse, and no more. He’d made it plain that nothing had changed. He still wanted to keep their relationship out of the public eye. Her more rational self understood. The press would have a field day with the truth. Two elite athletes, twin brothers – living with the same woman. Both having a sexual relationship with that woman.

 It would be a scandal that could ruin both their careers, and hers, if the media found out about it. But in the last few months the relationship had changed. Jason was no longer a part of the equation.

Somewhere along the line, she’d fallen in love with Jeff, and Jason had become little more than a friend with occasional benefits. The benefits had grown fewer and fewer until they’d completely disappeared. To say she didn’t love Jason would be a lie. She did love him, but it wasn’t the same kind of love she had for Jeff. Jason was her friend. What she felt for Jeff was so much more, and somehow Jason had picked up on it, probably before she had, and distanced himself from their complicated arrangement.

His reminder that they were in a public place the night Jeff injured his arm had been a sharp wakeup call, but the way Jeff practically pushed her away as if he were afraid to be seen with her was what really hurt. It was Jason who explained away her presence as a family friend, and Jeff did nothing to change that status. It was foolish, but that silent denial had cut her to the core, and made her face reality. Jeff didn’t love her.

Over the last few days she’d faced the ugly truth. She’d fallen in love with Jeff and stupidly began to dream about a life as his wife and the mother of his children. Over the last week, they’d spent a lot of time together. Jeff had made love to her with such tenderness she’d begun to believe again that maybe they could make it work. It wasn’t going to happen. Jeff didn’t feel the same way. To him she was a friend with benefits, and for the next week, his private nurse.

* * * *

Jason wrapped Megan in his arms. She’d been crying again. Bloodshot eyes and a red nose gave away what she tried to hide behind her forced smile. He cradled her head in his hand and held her close in the hallway outside Jeff’s room. In the last week, he’d seen the evidence of tears more times than he could count, and he was afraid he was responsible for at least some of them. He’d kicked himself a thousand times for the way he treated her after Jeff’s injury. That Jeff hadn’t corrected him had only made it worse. They’d hurt her, but she hadn’t said a word about it. Maybe he was a coward, but he didn’t know how to apologize. What could he say? “I’m sorry I treated you like a stranger?” He knew it was worse than that. He should have handled that moment in the training room differently. What would it have cost to introduce her as Jeff’s girlfriend? No one had to know about her relationship with him. Introducing her as a family friend had hurt her, reducing her to someone they were embarrassed to acknowledge. Yet here she was, hurting, needing to lean on someone herself, and offering instead to be Jeff’s private nurse for the next week.

He curled his fingers in her hair and tugged her face away from his shoulder. She looked up at him with liquid eyes and he didn’t think about where they were, or who might see them. He wanted to wipe that lost look off her face. Her eyes fluttered shut as he dipped his head and covered her lips with his. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but much more than a casual acquaintance kiss. For a brief moment, she kissed him back, then she broke the kiss, pushing against his chest to put distance between them.

“Jeff…?”

“He’s fine. The doctor said he’d be out for a while, but the surgery was a complete success.” Leave it to Megan to be more worried about Jeff than herself. “What about you?”

“What about me?” She wiped tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I’m fine, really. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”

 “Come on. There’s a waiting area down here where we can have some privacy.” He grabbed her hand in his and tugged her down the hall. When they were settled on hard plastic chairs with cups of lukewarm coffee from the vending machine, Jason said, “What happened today? You can tell me.”

“Really, Jason…I’m fine. It was a rough day, but I’m here now. Tell me everything the doctor said.”

* * * *

Jeff floated in and out of consciousness. The surgery was over, and quite possibly his career now too. How he would go from this back to the Mustangs’ roster, he didn’t have a clue. His right arm hurt like a son-of-a-gun, and now that he thought about it, his left one did too. Memories swirled like a milkshake in a blender until they coalesced into something comprehensible. They’d taken a tendon from his left wrist and used it to replace the torn ligament in his right elbow. Now he’d have some scars too. Another way people could tell Jason and him apart.

He wiggled the fingers of his left hand and swallowed a curse as pain knifed up his arm. Not a good idea. Weren’t they supposed to give him something for the pain? He lay still until the pain eased, then drifted back into sleep.

The next time he woke, he remembered to keep still and was rewarded by a much clearer picture of the world around him. Not much had changed, but he got the impression it was late. Or maybe someone had dimmed the lights in his room. Both arms still hurt, but it was manageable now. He could live with this. It was tempting to try moving them again, but the memory of the last time he tried that was still fresh. He could wait until they made him move, and they would – very soon. All the doctor’s warnings came back to him now. Physical therapy would begin before he left the hospital, and it would be painful, at least at first. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but if it meant getting back on the Mustangs’ roster, then he’d do it.

Megan would be there for him. He’d been an ass, thinking she was in love with Jason. The last week with her had been great, better than ever. They’d spent last night together, and he’d come to some conclusions. He loved her. Had for a long time. He wanted to make a life with her. She’d stand with him, no matter what happened with his career. Hell, she was taking off work to babysit him for the next week. She never said she loved him, but she told him in other ways, like the way she let him take care of her the other night. He liked taking care of her, liked the way her body responded to his touch, liked the way she gave herself to him. She needed someone to hold her, to make her forget about her shitty day and the stress of her job. Yeah, they were good together – in and out of bed. Maybe he’d ask her to marry him. He’d be home for months with nothing to do but his physical therapy. It would be a good time to get married, maybe get started on a family. An image of Megan round with his child formed, and desire had his cock hardening. At least that part of his anatomy didn’t need any repairs.

The more he thought about it, the more convinced he became that it was the right thing to do. He couldn’t imagine his life without Megan. She loved kids so it wasn’t a stretch to think she’d like a few of her own, and he wanted to be the one to give them to her. The thought of her with another man made him want to hit something. His fingers curled reflexively inward. The pain wasn’t near as bad as before, but it was enough to snap his focus back on the task at hand. Get out of the hospital, and get back to work. He’d have plenty of time to fantasize about Megan once he got out of here.

Voices in the hallway drew his attention to the open door. Jason. Would he stand in his way when it came to Megan? He didn’t think so. His brother hadn’t been with Megan in a long time. He watched as Jason signed an autograph for one of the nurses and tried to remember the last time he’d seen Megan and Jason together. It seemed like months now that he thought about it. It seemed like Jason was gone more than he was at home these days. Maybe his brother had noticed something more between Megan and him and was giving them some privacy. Hell, maybe Jason was smarter than he looked. Jeff laughed to himself. Comments like that would have him in back in the hospital if Jason heard them.

Jeff closed his eyes and drifted into a light sleep only to wake again to voices outside his room. It was fully dark now, but lights in the hallway illuminated the two people embracing. Jason and Megan. His heart lurched at the sight of his brother holding the woman he loved even though he’d seen them do much more. Why the friendly embrace didn’t set well with him now bothered him. Then Jason cradled Megan’s head against his shoulder and Jeff wanted to shout at Jason to let his woman go, but something about the way she’d gone into Jason’s arms stopped Jeff from saying anything.

He knew that body language. She looked the same way the other night after a bad day at work. She let him soothe her worries away, just as Jason was doing now. He should be grateful Jason was there for her while he was stuck in this hospital bed.

Jeff closed his eyes and concentrated on their low voices. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, and then they weren’t talking at all. He opened his eyes in time to see Jason kissing Megan.
The fucking bastard. I’m going to kill him.
For a moment it looked like Megan kissed him back, but then she pushed Jason away and Jeff heard her ask about him.
Well, it’s about fucking time you wonder if I’m dead or alive.
His brother assured Megan that he was going to be fine, then dragged her away. Jeff had no idea where they were going, but he heard the word, privacy, and that was enough.

His temper spiked and he had to force himself to calm down. A nurse came in, checked his vitals, and asked if anything was wrong. Apparently, his elevated blood pressure had set off alarms in the nurses' station. He assured her he was fine, and after checking the equipment to make sure it was in proper working order, she gave him a drink of water and left.

What a fool he was, thinking Megan was his. If it had been anyone else, he’d have a chance, but it was Jason. How could he have been so wrong? Last week, hell, last night, she was his. She couldn’t have faked the way she was with him, so what could have changed? Why was she clinging to Jason, kissing Jason as if he were the only man alive?

The nurse came back in to check the equipment again. “Get some rest, Mr. Holder,” she admonished. “You’ll see the physical therapist in the morning, then you’ll be out of here in the afternoon.”

 It hit him all at once. He was what had changed. His career was on the skids, and Megan had run from his arms to his brother’s. His healthy, uninjured, brother. The one still on the playoff roster. The one who still had a career. A pain that had nothing to do with the surgery knifed through him. He closed his eyes and willed it to go away. The sedative the nurse had injected into his IV worked its way through his system and he slept.

He never wanted to sleep again if he had to wake up with this kind of hangover. His head felt like a Little League team was taking batting practice inside his skull, and his mouth was as dry as the Sahara. A nurse hustled over and held a straw to his lips.