Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One (12 page)

“If you want,” he says, “I can help you. You could come over in the evenings and I can teach you some Finnish.”

“That would be great! Thanks.”

As we approach our grandmothers’ place, a familiar figure walks toward us. At first Kyle doesn’t see us, but then he looks in our direction and the world goes still, everything suspended mid action.

I push the buzzer for the building and wait. A crow in a nearby tree caws. If it’s sharing its secrets for dealing with misunderstandings, I wish it would do so in English, because I need all the help I can get. Something tells me even the most eloquent physics fact won’t help me here.

No one answers. I try again. Still nothing. There’s always a chance Sofia looked out the window and is now avoiding me. If that’s true, the only way to give her back the phone is to track her down at the sports center, but if I do, she might not give me a chance to talk to her.

I press the buzzer once more, then turn away from the building and walk toward my car. I could wait with my vehicle until she shows up, but who the hell knows when that will be. All I know is I can’t walk away. Bit by bit, Sofia has slipped into my life and I don’t want to let her go. She’s the one ray of light in my otherwise pathetic life. She makes me want to do better, be better. Something I haven’t felt in a while.

And not for the first time since last night, I realize that if Sofia hadn’t shown up at the nightclub, I would have gone home wasted. My parents and Cody were right.

I am a mess.

I look up from the ground and as if my thoughts summoned her, Sofia walks toward me. With Joni.
Shit
.

Sofia seems as shocked to see me as I am to see her with Joni. Joni is the only one who isn’t surprised. His expression tells me he’s swooped in to pick up the pieces. His expression also warns me he’s not about to give her up if he can help it. I might only be thinking about friendship with her, but he’s thinking about something more, and for some reason that’s settling in my stomach like a huge pile of boulders.

Sofia’s shocked expression transforms to pain. I put that pain on her face. While Nik might have been the asshole who told her I had a wife, I’m the one who held onto the fucking dog tag as a reminder. Not a reminder of what Gabby and I once had. It’s a reminder of the asshole who destroyed everything because he figured it was okay to toss back a twelve pack and get behind the wheel of a deadly vehicle.

The image of Gabby dead in her seat flashes in my head. I clench my jaw together so hard, I’m surprised my teeth don’t disintegrate.

“What are you doing here?” Sofia says, her voice cold.

The knot inside me tightens. Joni folds his arms across his chest, ever ready to be her protector.

“I found this.” I hand her the phone I discovered in Nik’s apartment.

Sofia turns it on, and some of the tension in her body eases, but there’s still plenty to keep her heart frozen against me.

“Can we talk?” I glance briefly at Joni. “In private.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He steps closer to her and places his hand on her lower back. If I hadn’t been paying close attention to Sofia, I might have missed her slight flinch at his action.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” She attempts to step around me. I reach out to stop her and my fingers brush against the soft skin of her arm. An electrical undercurrent spreads up my hand and travels throughout my body. She gasps, and that plants a tiny seed of hope. Despite what she might believe, she can’t deny she felt the same reaction I experienced. The same electrical undercurrent she didn’t have when Joni touched her.

“What Nik told you…it was a lie.”

“Why would he lie and say you’re married?” Joni asks, frowning. He’s not frowning out of confusion. He’s frowning because he doesn’t believe me.

But I don’t care what he thinks. I only care about Sofia. I narrow my eyes at him. “This is between me and Sofia.” I turn to her. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

Sofia looks between me and Joni, torn as to who to believe, who to trust. Taking comfort that she didn’t instantly tell me to go to hell, I place my hand on her arm. Joni’s frown deepens.

If it weren’t for what’s at stake here, I’d rejoice at his reaction.

She raises her chin. “Whatever you have to say you can say it in front of Joni.”

Joni’s frown smoothes out. He doesn’t smile, but the corners of his mouth twitch in their own victory dance.

I let out a heavy breath. If this is the best I’m going to get, it will have to do. It’s better than no chance to explain my dumbass roommate’s lie.

I nod. “Okay…I was married. My wife’s name was Gabby, but she died over a year ago.”

Sofia’s face softens. “I’m sorry.”

I can tell she wants to ask how Gabby died, but she doesn’t want to bring up that pain, and I don’t want to talk about it. My entire body tenses, waiting for Joni to ask the inevitable question, but when he remains silent, the tension drips away.

“But why did your roommate lie to her?” Joni says, asking the other question I hoped wouldn’t come up.

The returning tension slams into me full force.

Shit. How do I answer this without revealing what happened between me and Sofia last night? If she’s mad at me now, that revelation will push her too far and she’ll never forgive me.

I’m about to pretend I didn’t hear him and change the subject when Sofia says, “I’d like to know why too.” The way she says it, cautious and full of pain, I can tell she already knows the answer.

“Because…because he saw us kissing and was concerned Sofia would”—shit, I’m going to whip Nik’s ass for this. I have no idea what to say to prevent further damage—“He was worried she would get the wrong idea—”

“And think there’s more to your fake relationship than there really is,” Joni finishes for me. I’m not sure if I should cringe at what he said or be relieved. He’s saved me from explaining what happened last night between me and Sofia.

The ‘what happened’ that I can’t stop thinking about.

“But he got it all wrong,” I say to Sofia. “There is more to the relationship. Or at least I want there to be more.” It’s not until the words come out that I realize how true they are. I do want more than just a friendship with her. How much more I don’t know though.

Joni stiffens. Sofia stares at me, several different emotions flickering on her face, uncertainty ranking on top. I hook my finger under her chin, then guide it up and kiss her. It’s a tender kiss, nothing that would steam up a car window. Nothing like the fake kiss I gave her for her grandmother and Joni’s benefit. But it’s enough to show her and Joni that what I feel for her is more than I’ve felt in a while for any woman.

And yes, there’s a bit of marking my territory going on here, because let’s be honest, no way in hell am I letting her end up with Joni. “Nik’s got a summer cottage. He’s invited a few people to join him next weekend. I’d like it if you would come with me.”

Joni huffs and I try not to grin, my focus still on Sofia.

“I’m not sure that would be a good idea,” she says. Her words are cautious, but there’s no mistaking her slight intrigue.

“It’s a great idea,” I say. “You can keep me out of trouble. And I bet there are tons of abstract photo opportunities waiting for you.”

“What kind of trouble?” Joni’s tone is as cold as Sofia’s was when I first showed up. That doesn’t surprise me. If our places were reversed, I would have zoomed in on that too.

“Dude, it’s just an expression. She’s safe with me. Promise.”

“I’m in,” Sofia says. “Joni, you’ll need to explain to my grandmother so she doesn’t worry about me. If I try, she’ll never figure out what I’m telling her.”

He blinks then his forehead scrunches. “I don’t think this is a good idea, Sofia. You don’t even know him very well. You can’t go off for a weekend with him. It’s too dangerous.”

I barely manage to keep from rolling my eyes. “I’m not a serial killer.”

“Maybe not. But you could be a rapist.”

“And so could you,” I fire back.

Sofia backs away from both of us, eyes searching us for signs of serial killer or rapist tendencies. Her hand tightens around her phone. I step closer to her and lean down so my mouth brushes against her ear. “I didn’t hurt you last night and I would never hurt you.” I press my lips against her cheek.

Then I walk back to my car.

It’s that moment I live for, if you subtract scrubbing the urinals from the equation. It’s time for Operation Scrub the Sauna. Cue the fanfare.

As I thunk, thunk, thunk my way to the women’s locker room in my not-so-stylish, oversized rubber boots, a man in his thirties wearing athletic pants and a plain t-shirt walks toward me. I’ve seen him around the physical therapy clinic in the sports center.

He stops in front of me. “Sofia Philips?” I nod. “I’m Rafu Jarvinen. Kyle Bennett mentioned you’re studying athletic training back home.”

“That’s right.”

“I work in the physical therapy clinic here and one of my part-time assistants is away next week. Would you be interested in covering for her then? I thought it might be good experience for you and I would certainly appreciate the help. I’m short staffed as it is at this time of the year.”

I look down at my uniform to make sure I still have it on. Surely he realizes I already have a job here, unless he means the position is for the evenings and weekends. “What are the hours?”

“She works Mondays to Thursdays from three until eight in the evening.”

“I’d love to do it, but I don’t finish this job until four.” There’s also the matter of helping Joni out with his soccer team like I promised.

“I can talk to your boss and see what happens.”

Luckily my boss is all for it, especially since it’s only for the week. Rafu is the one who comes to tell me the news. “She feels bad that you’re working here as a member of the cleaning staff when you could be doing something career related.” Maija told her what I’m studying back home during my first week here. While I don’t regret my decision to come to Finland for the summer, even if it is just to clean toilets, I’m ready to do handsprings down the hallway, in my uniform and rubber boots, at his news. The goal for the summer was to become the new me, the one who has thrown out her pity-party decorations and has a fresh start.

I’d say this is another step in the right direction.

After work, Maija and I walk to Stockmann, the huge department store where I love to shop. Somehow, I need to steal away and buy condoms. I’ve never had to buy them before now. Ian always took care of that, plus I was on the pill. I stopped using it after he died. Figured there was no point to it after that.

Since Maija needs to buy her mom a birthday present, we head to the kitchen department first.

“How about oven mitts?” I hold up a cute red pair with reindeer on them.

“I was thinking more like kitchen…” Maija scrunches her forehead in the way she always does when struggling for the English word she’s searching for. “I can’t remember the word for it.”

It takes us a few attempts before I guess it: utensils. We search the shelves, my thoughts all over the place, other than on helping Maija.

She lays her hand on my arm. I startle. “Are you okay?” she asks.

“Huh? No, I’m fine.”

Her head tilts to the side and she studies my face. “You seem distracted.”

“I need to get, um, something after this.”

She picks up a small knife. “What?”

It’s not a big deal
. I’m sure she and Toivu are sleeping together.
Just say it
. “I need to get some…some condoms. For this weekend.”

She looks down, trying to hide the smile on her face, and switches the knife in her hand for another one. “And is there a certain person you need them for?”

She knows about Joni and what Muumu’s been up to, but she has also seen me several times with Kyle and told me he obviously likes me. Last week, before we hit the nightclub, she declared that my life is way more exciting than
The Endless Circle
. I’m not so sure about that.

“I’m going away for the weekend with Kyle.” At her grin, I add, “We’re staying in a cottage with a bunch of other people. I want to be prepared just in case.” Just in case we decide to go to home base—or whatever the hockey equivalent is.

“Good idea.” The grin remains on her face and she inspects the knife in her hand. “I think I’ll get this one.”

We join the line to pay for it, then head to the clothing department. After searching through the clothing racks and the stacks of clothes on the tables, I find a few more tank tops and a pale pink skirt.

“Sofia,” Maija says, next to a rack of swimsuits. “You should get this for your big weekend.” She holds up a white string bikini that looks more like a piece of lace than a swimsuit. “It will be perfect.”

“I have a swimsuit.”

“A one piece or a bikini?”

“A one piece.” A boring black swimsuit.

“I bet Kyle will prefer this one more.”

“I don’t know.” It’s a lot sexier than what I’m used to wearing. I take the bikini from her and try it on in the fitting room. The bikini is lined and does this cool trick where it looks like I have more cleavage than I do. Perfect.

A tiny voice in the back of my head asks me if I’m really ready for this. Confident me from the dance club has gone on vacation—to the moon.
“Sorry, baby, but sex with you was…boring.”
The voice is a perfect imitation of Ian’s.

Chewing my lip, I step out of the cubical to model it for her. “What do you think?”

She nods. “You’ll definitely need condoms this weekend.”

• • •

Joni is waiting for me when I get off the bus near Muumu’s building.

“Have you made a decision about this weekend?” he says before I have a chance to say hi.

“You mean, am I going away to the cottage with Kyle?” I nod. I haven’t told Kyle yet. I was about to call him, once he got off work. “I am. I know you don’t like him much, but he’s a nice guy.”

Joni snorts at the nice guy part.

“It wasn’t his fault I was upset at what his roommate told me,” I say. “If anything, you should dislike his roommate for lying to me.”