At the Edge (12 page)

“I know what kissing looks like, Robyn.”

“Well, they are friends. They've known each other forever.”

“You and Billy are friends,” Morgan said. “But if I ever saw you kiss him like that, I'd scratch your eyes out.”

I felt sick all over.

“I'm sorry,” Morgan said. “I debated whether I should tell you or not. Then I decided that if it were me, I'd want to know.”

“Are you sure it was that kind of kiss?”

“Positive. I was coming out of Lulu's, and I saw them at the jewelry store—you know the one I mean. Nick must have bought something, because a clerk gave him a bag. He said something to Danny. And she put her arms around him and kissed him. I mean, she really kissed him, Robyn.”

My whole body went numb. The room around me faded to black. Danny had known Nick forever. Everyone at Nick's school treated Nick and Danny as if they were a couple. She saw him more often than I did. She had found him a job—working with her. Her parents didn't seem to have a problem with him.

And now he was kissing her.

“Robyn, I'm sorry,” Morgan said.

“Tell me again what you saw,” I said.

She repeated the whole story.

“And he let her kiss him like that?” He'd told me there was nothing between them. It had never occurred to me that he might mean it literally.

“I didn't see him resist.”

“And you saw the whole thing? From start to finish?”

“You sound like your mom.”

“Did you, Morgan?”

“I saw her kiss him.” There was a pause.

“What?”

“Well, this idiot who was texting slammed into me. Really hard. I told him off, and when I looked again, Nick and Danny were on their way out of the store.”

“So you didn't see the whole thing?”

“Well, no. But Robyn? He had his arm around her—around her shoulder—when they left the store. I'm sorry.”

Danny. Why did she have to show up? Why hadn't she stayed wherever she'd been all this time? I hated her. But deep down I knew it wasn't all her fault. Just because she was there, that didn't mean that Nick had to be interested in her. If he really cared about me, she would just be another girl, the way every guy in my school was just another guy to me.

If he really cared.

“Maybe my mother is right,” I said. “Maybe I'd like it out west.”

“Out west?” Morgan said. “What are you talking about?”

I told her my mother's news.

“No way!” Morgan said. “You can't move. You're my best friend. What would I do without you?”

“I may have no choice, Morgan.”

“You have to stay. You can't go. What does your dad say?”

“He doesn't know yet.”

“He won't let you go. I know it.”

I wasn't sure that he would have more of a choice than I did.

I

set my alarm for extra early and was dressed and sitting on the stairs to the second floor when Nick arrived home from work. He looked surprised to see me. He also looked tired. He stopped a few steps below me and looked up at me.

“What are you doing up so early?” he said.

“I wanted to talk to you—about the way things have been going. We never have time to talk. You're always so busy. I thought maybe you could take a day off this weekend. Maybe we could do something—just the two of us.”

I prayed he would say he wanted to be with me. I prayed Morgan had been wrong.

“I have Saturday off,” Nick said. His eyes shifted away from me as he spoke.

“Perfect. We can do whatever you want.”

“I have Saturday off,” he said again, looking at me this time. “But I already made plans.”

“What plans?”

“I'm going with Danny to visit a friend of her dad's.”

Danny again.

“It's the guy who's the vet,” Nick said quickly, maybe because he wanted to explain before I could say anything, or maybe because he was excited about the visit. “I told you about him. He invited me to come out and spend the day, watch what he does, see what the work is like.”

“Can't you go another time?”

“I already said yes. Danny's dad set it up, Robyn. He's been really nice to me. Danny's going to drive me. It's out of town.”

I guess what I was thinking showed on my face. Nick shook his head again.

“I thought you'd be happy for me, Robyn. I thought you'd be glad I'm thinking about what I want to do with my life. I was going to tell you yesterday when I saw you. But you were too busy kissing that guy.”

“It wasn't what you think. It wasn't that kind of kiss.”

“Yeah? What kind of kiss was it?”

“He's new at school. He was just grateful, that's all.”

“Grateful?” The word was as sharp as a knife. “What exactly did you do to make him so grateful?”

“Nothing. He's had some problems, and I've been tutoring him, that's all.”

“Tutoring? So, what, you're with him once a week?”

“Two or three times actually.”

“So you're seeing this guy a couple of times a week, and he's so thrilled he's kissing you?”

“What about you and Danny?”

“That's different.”

“Morgan saw you with her at the mall yesterday.”

That seemed to knock him off balance.

“I had some errands to do. I ran into her. That's all.”

“So it was an accident?” I knew how I sounded—bitchy and suspicious—but I didn't care.

“She's an old friend,” Nick said. He sounded tired and angry. “And a good one.”

“You mean it wasn't an accident you were with her at the mall?”

“Danny's family used to live in the apartment next to ours. Her room was right next to mine, and the walls were pretty thin. She heard a lot of the stuff that went on. You know what I mean, right?”

I had a pretty good idea. Nick's stepfather used to beat up on Nick's mother. On Nick too.

“We had this secret code. I'd be in my room, you know, after Duane was through with me, and Danny would tap on the wall. I'd sneak out onto the balcony and she would come out of her place, and we'd hang out there and pretend we were explorers or something. Danny was really big on explorers. She used to read all about them. It made her mad that they were all men. You wouldn't believe it to look at her now, but she used to be a real tomboy type.”

He was right. I didn't believe it.

“Her family moved about a year before my mother died,” Nick said. “It was awful. The worst time of my life. I didn't have anyone to talk to anymore. After that, whenever Duane came after me, I just wished he would kill me. If it hadn't been for Joey, he might have. When I bumped into Danny this summer, I couldn't believe it. We talked for a couple of hours. It was like we'd never been separated. We just kind of picked up where we left off.”

“Mm hmm.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

“She means a lot to me, Robyn. She got me through some really hard times.”

“I wish the two of you nothing but happiness,” I said. I turned to go back upstairs.

“Wait,” Nick said. He reached for me, but I pulled back out of his way.

“Morgan saw you two together at the mall. She saw everything.”

He knew what I meant. I could see it in his eyes. But he tried to bluff me.

“What does that mean—everything?”

I told him almost word for word what Morgan had told me. I had gone over it again and again. The words were etched into my brain.

Nick just stood there.

“So it's true,” I said, my stomach churning.

“That she kissed me? Yeah, it's true. But it's not what you think.”

“Really?”

Suddenly I wanted to hurt him as much as he was hurting me.

“I went to James's house for dinner,” I said. “I had a great time. He's a nice guy. We have a lot in common.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“It means what it means,” I said. “I wish you happiness with Danny. I hope you'll wish me happiness with James.”

Nick's eyes burned into mine. “So now you're going out with him?”

“Like you said, you and Danny have a lot in common. So do James and I.”

“Come on, Robyn. You acted like a total diva at that party, and you're acting like a diva now.”

“I am not. I'm telling you how I feel. I'm wishing you well.” Tears stung my eyes, but there was no way I was going to let him see me cry. “I have to go. I have to get ready for school.”

I turned and ran back up the stairs.

Nick didn't try to stop me.

  .    .    .

A few hours later I was at my locker, cramming my books into it and wishing I was somewhere else—wishing I was with Nick. Wishing it was some other time, too—maybe back in the summer on one of the weekends when he'd come up to Morgan's cottage. Or even before then, maybe at the end of the school year, when Nick hadn't been as busy as he was now, when we'd taken long walks together, just the two of us—well, the two of us and Orion—and it had been enough for both of us to just hold hands. Back when we hardly even needed to talk.

Or maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe we hadn't talked enough. Maybe I'd just assumed that Nick was happy, that he was comfortable in the silence. He was different around Danny. Not so quiet. He talked to her. He had told her his dreams. A vet—it had never crossed my mind that that was what he wanted to be. Worse, I'd never thought to ask about his plans for the future.

“Are you okay?” said a voice behind me. Morgan. I looked over my shoulder at her. “What's wrong?” she said as soon as she saw the expression on my face.

“What isn't?”

“Nick?”

I nodded. He was problem number one.

“Did you talk to him?”

“This morning.”

“And?”

“We had a fight.”

“Did you ask him about what I saw?”

“Yeah. Right after he told me that he's spending the first day off he's had in ages with Danny.” Okay, so maybe that wasn't the point of the day, but that was how it was going to turn out—Nick and Danny together. “He really likes her, Morgan. I think he likes her more than he likes me.”

Morgan looped her arm through mine. “Remember what you told Billy when I started going out with Sean?” she said.

I sure did. Morgan had dumped Billy for another guy. Billy had been devastated. He had tried everything he could to win her back—without success. So I had told him the only thing I could think of that made any sense: Get over it. Move on.

“It was good advice,” Morgan said.

“But he didn't take it,” I pointed out. “And he was right not to.”

“That's only because Sean turned out to be such a jerk. Look, the thing is, Robyn, you and Nick have had an up-and-down relationship ever since you met. You're so different from each other.”

“You and Billy are different from each other, too.”

“Yes, but I've known Billy practically my whole life. All I'm saying is, if it's not going to work out with Nick, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You've stuck by him no matter what.”

“He saw James kiss me,” I said. Problem number two.

Morgan's eyes widened.

“You kissed James?”

“No. James kissed me.”

Morgan broke into an enormous grin.

“Morgan, about James—”

“It's weird, isn't it?” Morgan said.

“What is?”

“How Billy and James seem to have so much in common. How they're both so gentle and shy and they both adore animals. And James is really nice, Robyn. It's obvious he likes you.”

He liked me so much that he had told me his deepest secret—unlike Nick.

“Speak of the devil,” Morgan said. She nodded down the hall. I turned and saw James and Billy coming toward us, Billy matching his long-legged stride to James's slower pace. James looked shyly at me, and I don't think I imagined the apprehension on his face. He had asked me not to tell anyone his secret, and so far I hadn't.

Billy slipped an arm around Morgan's waist, and she nestled contentedly against him. James looked at me and frowned.

“Is something wrong?” he said.

Morgan glanced at me. I could practically read her thoughts:
Not only is he cute, but he's also sensitive; he's picking up on your mood, Robyn.

“Just the usual,” I said. “School. Homework. Same old same old.”

“I know what you mean,” he said. “Except I'm lucky enough to have an excellent math tutor to make my days a little easier.”

Morgan beamed so brightly that a passerby would have thought she was the one who'd been complimented.

“So, what do you have planned for the weekend, James?” she said oh-so-innocently. I could have strangled her.

“I was just telling Billy that I have to drive up north.”